I don't even know what was the trigger, because for over a year I've been fine with revisiting those memories, those times, without incident. Like, I was doing a regular train of thought last night, thinking about FDS, when suddenly I realize I'm crying uncontrollably and it all hurts like a fresh wound.

I guess I'm mainly frustrated because I am grieving even though I have no reason to, nothing change,d and now I feel really unsafe with my own memories, because if just thinking can send me right back there, even years later, then I don't know how I can ever count as healed.