Hah! There's a matriarchy done wrong if I've ever seen it. A true matriarchy (especially in the D&D world, where women are just as strong/smart/etc. as men) wouldn't have men as soldiers. It wouldn't have men as anything but househusbands, eye-candy and child caretakers. The women wouldn't be just the leaders and priestesses, they would be the everything. The leaders, the priestesses, the soldiers, the mages, the hunters, the merchants, the craftspeople, and so on. The favoured class of drow men wouldn't have been "wizard", it would've been "commoner".
The race itself is pretty good with LA buyoff, I don't blame you.
Ah, I see what you mean. I think it depends on what you consider more important, the group itself or the effectiveness of the leader. In terms of group importance, the Order is clearly more important than the Azure Resistance (narratively, at least). While I don't disagree with you, I think there's definitely room to discuss which leadership stint was more important for Haley.