k so i just dm'ed my first dnd session last week and within the first 10 min (while the boat they started on is going down) this guy named jacob, who we all pretend is way more sectuall than he really is despite him being all zen monk most of the time, sais he looks for the hottest looking chick and tries to hook up with her while escorting her to a life boat. given how little time it took him to go there my fallowing respons to this was "you hook up with her and have sex on the way to shore, ps she's a hooker and you have hiv"

later they desided to take out the cobalt town they had just escaped from by puting his blood into there water suply, currently waiting for results

this is only outstaged for funny when the same character see's steave (the npc meatshield i had fill in for a missing player) scratched by what he thaught was a zombie and fall over stiff, he then proceades to try to kill steave, eventually returns to killing the "zombie" the other two members of his party go stiff to. and then he desides maiby he shouldnt kill them off and instead see what happens...but not before finishing off steave for "the stability of scociety"

steave is now a reacuring villan and a sentient undead