More Funny D&D Stories

[Yukitsu]

OK, so knowing us, I'll lead you two in, you'll get killed, the late players will show up, and I'll go in with their new characters, and by the time they get killed, I'll lead whatever new characters you have written up by then etc.

Me: "OK, water is only that clear if something is wrong with it. I throw some baking soda in it."
DM: "The baking soda disappears without any reaction."
Me: "OK, I throw some vinegar in."
DM: "That also disappears."
Me: "I pour some into my water skin. Then I try putting some baking soda into it."
DM: "It's just water with baking soda in it."

--Later--

DM: "OK, you should really try that water."
Me: "No way, it has baking soda in it."
DM:

Me: "So there's no way I'm not stealing those doors. It is my character's main motivation right now to steal those doors."
DM: "OK, 7 peasants die in the process of removing them."
Me: "That's a shame. Either way, I get back and install them as a flat top stove."
DM:
Me: "They're worth millions, the alternative is I sell them."
DM:

Employer: "STOP KIDNAPPING EVERYTHING!"
Me: "Look, I don't want to kill anyone, and we can't just let them run around free."
Employer: *lights boat full of prisoners on fire.* "I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!"
Me: "You're an evil lady."
Employer: "IT WAS A BOAT FULL OF GIGANTIC SPIDERS! NO ONE CARES ABOUT SPIDERS!"