The Adventurers Odd
Suddenly… Nothing Happens!
The adventurers find themselves in a large empty room. The worked stone walls are wet from the humidity and reflect the light from Varonis’s staff. The floor pools water in the crevices between the giant stone tiles. The ceiling is smooth but cracked from the erosion of water.
On the far side of the room are two wooden doors. Steam leaks from the borders of one door and a single dove made a nest above the other.
If I go crazy, then will you still call me…
Hello.
“You left your cell phone on?” Bob stares at the ceiling in disbelief. Wait, just hold on a second guys.
“Was that ‘Kryptonite’ by 3 Doors Down?” Varonis holds back laughter while looking at … Just hold on. I can’t take the call and narrate at the same time.
Yes.
Really?
So, I can’t …
Uh, huh.
You can’t expect me to believe that.
Okay, then.
I will.
Bye.
Sorry, guys. I got to change up the room a little.
“What? Why?” Bob holds his arms out and stares at the ceiling with a downcast expression.
I was told I can’t use the dove. Apparently John Woo has copyrighted using them for symbolic purposes.
“Could you at least tell us which door is which?” Varonis asks plainly.
I thought I did.
“No, you just told us a description of the doors. You didn’t say which door had which features.”
Oh, well. It doesn’t matter now. Just give me a moment to rework this room and I we will move on.
*****
Varonis leans up against the wall and crosses his arms. He sees Jorun with his eyes closed. He is breathing in deeply through his nose and then exhales slowly through his mouth. “So, what you doing over there, Jorun?”
“I’m trying to imagine what it would be like if I was in a party with players that actually RP.” Jorun answers without opening his eyes.
“If you want to RP so badly then I will join in.” Varonis moves away from the wall and stands in front of Jorun. “You start.”
Jorun takes in one last deep breath and opens his eyes. Jorun forces a smile that seems natural enough and speaks with Varonis in a voice that he believes mimics the tone used in the middle ages. He animates each sentence gesturing with his arms and hands.
“Friend Varonis, I have been traveling with you for so long, yet it only now dawns upon me that I know nothing about you. If you would be so kind to indulge me for but a moment, I would like to hear your story. Mayhap we could begin with your past. Tell me, where did you train in the arcane arts?”
“Oh, I was trained in a wizard academy.” Varonis tries to imitate the mannerisms of Jorun, but he was so taken aback by the energy Jorun put into his performance that he lost track of himself. “It is located on the west coast.”
“From the coast you say?”
“Yes. I am from the coast.”
“You’re a wizard.”
“Obviously.”
“Then, you’re a wizard of the…”
Whoa, whoa! Stop right there. Room’s done. Let’s get back to it.
Jorun looks over at Bob and opens his mouth, but before he can get any words out Bob stands up and shouts, “Finally, let’s move out.”
*****
Bob looks up at the ceiling and says as if he is cursing, “How many doors this time? Five? Twenty?”
Well, actually…
If I go crazy…
“AGAIN!” All three adventurers shout in unison.
Hello…
Yeah, it’s okay.
Hope you feel better, soon.
“So, is 3 Doors Down sick of your ring tone, too?” Varonis mocks the ceiling.
Actually, that was Jorge saying he can’t make it today. He’s caught some nasty bug and is bedridden.
“Oh, well.” Varonis stammers, feeling ashamed of his joke.
Bob rolls his eyes. “Could we get on with it? We haven’t done anything in the past hour.”
Across the room is one wooden door. The…
“OH, THANK ALL THAT IS GOOD! JUST ONE DOOR!” Bob falls to his knees and clasps his hands above his head. He almost feels like crying. Also, may I finish the description now?
“Yeah, sure. Sorry.”
The door is scored in arcane markings. The patterns spiral outward from the center and cover every surface. There is no handle or any visible latch of any sort.
“Well, now what?” Bob asks looking back and forth between Jorun, Varonis, and the door.
“It’s got to be a trap of some sort.” Varonis says glaring at Bob.
“The markings look like they would be in your wheelhouse.” Jorun says looking at Varonis.
“I don’t want go near that thing until we know what we are dealing with.” Bob holds up his hands defensively.
Perhaps you should roll your dice and see if your characters know something about this.
“Good idea Occasionally-Helpful-But-Mostly-Annoying-Voice-In-The-Sky!” Bob points at the ceiling with a forced smile on his face.
The sound of rolling dice echoes throughout the room as the adventurers strain through everything they know about doors. The details of hinges and knobs, the shaping of timber into planks, whether they swing in or out, and they even contemplate the mysterious nature of doors that slide open.
Bob, who has studied many coded messages in his profession, feels enlightenment strike him. He turns his head sideways as he ciphers the meaning of some of the twisting symbols. He can tell that some of them speak of fire.
Varonis, who has studied many fields of magic, notices a pattern intermittent between the various symbols. He can tell that there is a spell that reads something about people that move through the door.
Jorun, who has just recently learned which end of the sword to hold, noticed, and is able to say with some certainty, that the door is made of wood.
“I can’t believe you got a negative result.” Bob chuckles looking at Jorun.
“Instead of making fun of my roll, why don’t you do something with what you learned?”
“It’s obvious that the door is trapped with a spell that does fire damage to people with a certain alignment.” Bob walks straight up to the door and pushes it open.
“Wow! Bold move, Bob.” Varonis claps his hands in applause. “How did you know it wouldn’t set you on fire?”
“True neutral, baby!” Bob starts dancing and moonwalks through the door.
Varonis approaches the door cautiously. He holds his breath as he moves through the threshold, and nothing happens. Breathing easy he turns around and looks at Jorun.
Jorun stands a safe distance from the door. Sweat dripping from his brow, “What alignment are you Varonis?”
“I thought you wanted to RP?” Varonis gives a soft laugh as he asks the question.
“I’m picking my battles. Right now RPing is the least of my worries.”
“I’m Lawful Neutral.”
Jorun starts walking slowly towards the door. The whole time he repeats the same prayer in his head.
Please, don’t be detect good. Please, don’t be detect good. Jorun makes it to the threshold. He takes a deep breath and steps forward.
Intense heat wraps around his body. His armor contains the flames and turns his full plate into a Dutch oven. He lets a high pitch scream of pain as he stumbles the rest of the way into the room. Once he is through the door, the flames dissipate, but the damage is done.
Varonis kneels down next to the motionless body of Jorun. He looks up at Bob with worry in his eyes and says, “He is still breathing, but it is shallow. I think he is unconscious.”
“Oh, great.” Bob says with a blank face. He folds his arms and says, “Anyone remember to buy healing potions.”
Re: D&D Snippets II: The Snippetting
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