Thanks for the book geek answers, people. Seems like my best bet is, whenever I see a cute person, to whip out a book and start reading. That'll give results!

Quote Originally Posted by Amaril View Post
Hey, I've never been on this part of the forums before, but I have a quick question and you folks seem to know what you're talking about. Hope you don't mind

I hear a fair bit about how in relationships (and social situations in general) it's always best to be confident, and that shyness and nervousness usually come across as unappealing and/or creepy. My question is, if one suspects that a prospective romantic interest finds them attractive partly because they act somewhat shy and nervous, should that be taken as a bad sign? I used to think meeting a girl who found my awkwardness cute was the best I could hope for, but these days I've been feeling a lot more self-assured, and now said experience, while still nice, makes me worry a little that I'm not being taken seriously. That, combined with the sentiment I occasionally see about awkward-adorable not being a real thing and confidence being a prerequisite for attractiveness, has me a little uncomfortable. Any advice?
Off the top of my head, there are the following reasons someone might be attracted to shy people:

  1. They see shy people as cutesy-adorable kittens.
  2. They are shy themselves and just prefer a similar temperament in their partner.
  3. They have low confidence themselves and want a non-threatening partner (not the same as above).
  4. They are abusive pieces of crap looking for someone with low confidence who'll be an easy victim.
  5. They are non-shy and looking for someone to balance them out. An anti-MPDG, if you will.
  6. By some quirk of fate or upbringing, they've found themselves with an unexplained attraction to shyness independent of the above.

Some are problematic, but there are genuine, non-harmful reasons one might be attracted to shyness. I still tend to be iffy when I meet them, though. In my experience, most fall in category (1) or (3). I used to side-eye the (5) I know pretty hard, but he's getting married to a nice girl this summer, so...


Also, just to note: When people talk about confidence, they usually conflate it with extroversion. Which is not the same thing. It's just about being assured in yourself, not having anything to prove, and just generally being pleasant to be around (aka, not exuding nervousness at every corner). There's no need to go for "party lion" status

Quote Originally Posted by Themrys View Post
You are a very strange person. I have a best friend with whom I agree on everything, and I like it that way. We talk less than we did at the beginning of our friendship, but that's okay.
That's not strange. I operate in much the same way as Eldariel. Not that I want people to always be contrary (I have a friend like that, and it's exhausting). But if you meet someone who shares most of your core values, but disagrees on application or details, and who notices different things, and who can challenge (and thus help you change or strengthen) your opinions and beliefs... in my opinion, you've struck friend gold.

Though yeah, especially when it comes to polarizing issues (like feminism), it's nice to have that one friend where you can just lean back and go "UGH, Fifty Shades of Grey!", and they'll completely know what you mean. Sometimes you do need a break.