Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition II: We all want to be the Majestic 12

[Kid Jake]

Fanboy: "That depends...what was the worst thing that you heard?"
Parks: "Probably the part where a tree monster called me out by name on television in front of the whole world as the reason he murdered three hundred people and burned down half the city."
Fanboy: "Yeah...I thought that would be your least favorite part."

Fanboy: "Sorry about your job man. You know, I bet my dad could find you something if I asked him."
Roger McCrow: "I don't need your charity!" *hurls fruit cup at Fanboy*

Roger McCrow: "You know, your husband only died because the killer was looking for you."
*widow cries*
Roger McCrow: "Just think, if we'd done things your way your children would all be dead too."
*widow sobs louder*
Roger McCrow: "I'm not one to say I told you so, but it seems like someone owes old McCrow a 'Thanks for kidnapping me.'"
*widow breaks down and her kids start poking around the room to see what's the matter*
Roger McCrow: "Well, I'm gonna take off. Nothing kills the mood like kids."

Agent Parks: "Look, I know that you're in a spot and you lost your home; how about I set you up in a DHS safehouse until you're on your feet?"
Roger McCrow: "I don't need your charity!" *hurls phone against a brick wall*

Roger McCrow: "Hey buddy, I can relate. My first wife left me because she said I was never there for her too. Actually so did my second wife. My third wife though, well she was just a bitch. But my-"
Fanboy: "What he's trying to say Dan, is that so long as you're not him it's not too late."

Chavenski: "The hell happened to me? Where's that fat Italian?"
Fanboy: "Don't worry about Depaliamo, he's in a deep, dark hole."
Chavenski: "Ah, you killed the prick. Very good."
Fanboy: "No...we're just keeping him in a deep, dark hole."