Judgement!
The Fiery Tower vs. Duck999: Grime, Father
Spoiler: The Fiery Tower
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No poem submitted.
Spoiler: Duck999
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Quite an intense story you’re telling here. I guess it’s in our nature to snap at those we love. Your poem however uses words that hold a greater tragedy than just some snapping. I like how you manage to invoke these strong emotions.
I’m going to be harsh on your execution. Besides some obvious spelling mistakes, there are numerous places where the rhyme is forced or the AABB scheme isn’t followed. It doesn’t help that your first and last 4 lines suffer the most.
I don’t think it’s overly clever, but you use the prompts with enough creativity that I’m amused.
Overall, I like the poem, but the poor execution does not invite me to read it again and again. Use more polish next round.
Spoiler: Winner
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The winner is Duck999 due to forfeit win.
Weezer vs. FinnLassie: Cloud, Thread
Spoiler: Weezer
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No poem submitted.
Spoiler: FinnLassie
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Your poem definitely has an ominous feel to it. It leaves enough to the imagination of the reader, but I wish it wasn’t so open-ended. I do like the nice catch at the end: “blame yourself instead and hide in shame”. Those lines lifted the whole poem for me.
I’m not such a fan of the more freeform rhymes and rhythms. Might be a modern style, but it felt a bit all over the place for me. I wasn’t feeling the flow… I do like the nice font used, it shows attention to detail.
Clouds are a thread in the sky, but there’s also a threat from the skies. Ok, well done, I like that. That’s the second layer I like to explore. As said before, I like the little finger pointing or catharsis moment at the end. Well done.
The more I read it, the more I like it. I think the poem still holds mysteries to me. Let me read more of your work in the next round.
Spoiler: Winner
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The winner is FinnLassie due to forfeit win.
Techwarrior vs. parodoxymoron: Ward, Shaking
Spoiler: Techwarrior
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A pristine white room + room of death = the Cube! Or was it Cube 2? Anyway, what I really like about the story is that you gradually discover the setting of the poem. It would have been even more powerful if I didn’t know the ‘Ward’ prompt upfront. Kind of a giveaway. I think you captured the essence very well in a poem not too long, not too short. Everything that’s needed to be said is said, and then a strong finish.
While I commented on another poem that I couldn’t find the flow of the poem, this one is the opposite. While reading, you get automatically sucked in the rhymes and rhythms that do not feel constructed or hammered into place, but flow from one line to the other. It carries the reader all the way to the end. Nice work. But I also have to criticize; there’s a little typo: “rushing to and fro” and I wouldn’t capitalize the “Allergens”.
It’s clear how you used the ‘ward’, and I can only assume that you need to focus your eyes because you are ‘shaking’? Either way, the prompts are use very straightforward, and the ‘shaking’ prompt is not that strong. I’m glad they set you on your way, but became ancillary to story and execution.
This poem has style. It reads easily and is a pleasure to discover. Yes I like it and would have made it to the next round regardless.
Spoiler: parodoxymoron
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No poem submitted.
Spoiler: Winner
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The winner is Techwarrior due to forfeit win.
Cuthalion vs. The Extinguisher: Shift, Invite
Spoiler: Cuthalion
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No poem submitted.
Spoiler: The Extinguisher
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I’m undecided on the subject of the poem. And that’s a good thing. I’m sure you can different readings. I mean, who goes digging at midnight at a cemetery? Can’t be legit. I do feel the pain oozing from the story. I believe that the writer did its job then if you feel kind of sad.
I read it a couple of times and it still performs. I believe technically, it’s all well done. I can see that the 5/4/5/4 line structure is broken up when the mind drifts away as well…. If you do use punctuations however, you need to be consistent. Recheck your capitals and commas.
The strongest aspect of you poem – for me – is the use of the prompts. He’s doing his digging shifts, and his perspective had shifted as well. You mention this explicitly, but wasn’t necessary for me. The invite prompt is less intricate, but nicely incorporated as a vital aspect of the story in that the moods shifts towards an invitation of death, which seems to become appealing. Well done.
I liked to poem overall. Maybe I have some small remarks on execution, but the use of prompts makes up for it.
Spoiler: Winner
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The winner is The Extinguisher due to forfeit win.
TheWombatofDoom vs. Targ Collective: Predecessor, Store
Spoiler: TheWombatofDoom
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No poem submitted
Spoiler: Targ Collective
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What a tale indeed. I even counted the words to see if you fit the criteria, but you’re safe. It was an enjoyable read for sure. I was a bit confused by the Father / Pater thing, but I see its charm.
It’s not an epic poem, for that, some lines are not polished enough (“For I must fly well away”). The first 10 lines follow a clear pattern which you can’t continue while serving the story. It does have a nice rhythm and flow.
You tie both prompts in a fascinating story with some inherent sadness to it. You use the prompt in a clear and original way. May not contain a deeper meaning, but the story doesn’t need it.
All things considered, I think it’s a nice story in a poem format. Try to work on some lines so that it becomes a poem with a story. The idea is great, I read it several times with joy, but I think it could be distilled in something even more powerful without losing the ‘epic tale’ feel it has to it.
Spoiler: Winner
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The winner is Targ Collective due to forfeit win.
3SecondCultist vs. Septimus Fabrius: Theory, Bathroom
Spoiler: 3SecondCultist
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Wow, some much is going on here. I had to read it a couple of times to understand all the elements you want to tell. I’m still in dubio on the gender of the narrator, not that it matters much. I appreciated the cleverness of the binding justice and blind together, especially since Lady Justice is blindfolded. I can only assume this was intentional and so this lifts the whole poem up another level.
My appreciation for your executions skyrocketed when I found out that the sextet of words consistently reappear at the end of your lines, but without making it feel constructed, and in the end even manage to capture the essence of the poem. That’s just really hard to pull off, and you nailed it. Your poem flows nicely along with the story. Punctuation is off on lines 10, 11, 18 and 27.
Both the prompts are prominently featured. They plan a vital role in the story and in the rhymes. That’s just very well done. In this case… who cares about additional layers if the upper layer is so shiny?
I’ll be honest; I think this poem was crafted with some masterwork tools. I like the story that invites to read again, the execution is just very well doen and the prompts are very well used. I like it especially because all these elements reinforce each other.
Spoiler: Septimus Fabrius
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Ok, I read it a couple of times, to let it sink in. It feels like I’m still looking through a veil though, trying to figure out what’s going on. And that’s tickles me. Yes, definitely thumbs up for making something intriguing. I’m thinking in a certain direction now, kind of matches the theme most other poems deal with as well, but I’m still trying to find different meanings.
You manage to capture the stream of thoughts and the timing of the dialogue by making use of the format. Well done. It feels like the format helps with the interpretation of the poem, so that beyond standard. One remark though, try to be consistent in the punctuation.
This poem is a strange one, where the prompts actually steers your reading. I believe that without knowing the prompts, I could have read something entirely different. Almost like the poem supports the prompt instead of the other way around. I could definitely use the ‘bathroom’ prompt, but fitting in ‘theory’ demanded some mental exercise. What I got out of the poem is: practicality stands between theory and reality. Might not be intended, but I like it anyway.
It was definitely a pleasure to read this poem. It’s certainly not dull.
Spoiler: Winner
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The winner is 3SecondCultist . His poem spoke to me more after my first reading, and this was enforced after I discovered the use of prompts in the story and rhyme.
Benthesquid vs. Exegesis: Graduate, Low
I understand prompts were switched, but as Exegesis states that he followed suit, I’ll judge as is so that none of the contestants needs to be penalized for their .. hmm… faulty exegesis of the prompts.
Spoiler: Benthesquid
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Well, it wouldn’t be the writer who went a little insane…. Nice story that captures the essence of a character in so little lines. The emotions, goals in life, his current situation. I like when a poem is concise yet contains a lot of information.
Playing with the fonts turns out to be a good idea. I could easily jump from one perspective to the other, and this helps the flow of the poem greatly. It doesn’t feature much rhyme, but that wouldn’t have fit this poem. Instead, the rhythm changes are reflecting the perspective, so that’s very well done. Punctuation on line 2, otherwise consistent.
Given your –odd-choice of prompts, I think you manage to get ‘exegesis’ in, maybe even more than ‘graduate’. I understand that this upcoming fight is his graduation? I’m leaping here, so that could have been tighter.
I like how you invoke a whole world. What are Pnakotic Fragments? Wants me to read more….
Spoiler: Exegesis
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Interesting story you have going on. Especially went you read BentheSquid’s poem first. That alone is worth something. I’m familiar with the DnD monster manuals, so that helps. In fact, I got some chuckles out of it. And what’s up with Pnakot? I need to know… If it’s recycled from BentheSquid’s poem, then this is very clever.
I’m not sure to what extend I need to judge you on execution. It’s a short story chopped up in lines to make it a poem. I’m not in favor of calling everything shorter than a one-pager a poem though. It’s freestyle, ok I get that. But that makes it hard for me to judge.
You deserve a monster score for using these prompts which are far from simple. I don’t think we’ve ever used someone’s avatar as inspiration for a poem, so that’s a milestone.
Spoiler: Winner
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The winner is Benthesquid because I promised not to take the prompts into account, and the BentheSquid delivered a better poem all-round.
Zweisteine vs. Dallas-Dakota: Faint, Guard
Spoiler: Zweisteine
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Your story is clear and to the point. It doesn’t leave much for imagination, except that this generic scenario could be placed everywhere the reader wants. I believe that this implies that many will enjoy it as well.
Your execution is very solid. Rhymes and Rhythms are solid. There is a nice flow in the poem all to the end. And a nice catch at the end to wrap it all up. It’s very solid and details are done right. Well done.
Both prompts are used very straightforward. No messing around, just a solid delivery.
So while I’ve been absolutely positive on all aspects of the poem, my conclusion is stuck at ‘solid performance’. The execution is very well done, but I’m lacking a bit of salt and pepper in the story. I’m not challenged or intrigued.
Spoiler: Dallas-Dakota
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Your story is clear and to the point. It doesn’t leave much for imagination, except that this generic scenario could be placed everywhere the reader wants. I believe that this implies that many will enjoy it as well. (Yes, I shamelessly copied, but to make a point)
I like how the poem seems to flow faster when the action is more intense. I don’t like that the rhyming isn’t consistent. Could have used a bit more polish (lines 5-8?). It looks like you were looking for a rhythm that captures the blows of the fight, but I would have either liked more consistency or more radically formatting.
The ‘Guard’ prompt is used clearly, and I guess that someone ‘fainted’ at the end. That’s a solid interpretation, nothing more to say about it. I liked your wink towards feinting as well.
Spoiler: Winner
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The winner is Zweisteine . I think both had a similar story and even use of prompts. I choose Zweisteine because his execution felt tighter.
Re: Iron Poet XX
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