Getting a meaningful backstory from players

[Nagash]

Now I do agree that personal quests can be kind of rude to the rest of the party, especially if handled badly. But how about someone you mentioned in your background just happening to turn up on the opposing side? Or you bump into at some point that happens to have information for you? etc. Just a nod that confirms that yes I've read your story, and yes your character is part of the world. Sure it could just as well be generic NPC #19 and it wouldn't make a big difference on the game world, but for those that did write a background? That does matter, and that is a reward in itself. On that note I also agree that handing out XP for backstories (especially backstories that meets whatever standards the DM happens to have) is wrong just because, as you said, it can make the person who didn't get the bonus XP bitter.

Ya know i used to do that in the first few years of 3e. But over and over again unless it happened within the first session or two the player in question didnt even notice that I used a part of their story, or if they did they didnt act on it at all. So after awhile I decided the whole thing was just more hassle then it was worth for everyone and put all my effort in the ongoing campaign rather then background stuff.