Relationship Woes and Advice 25: Now with extra Valentine

[Xapi]

Alright, time for an update and some replies to your comments.

Thanks a lot for making them, it's good to bounce ideas with you guys.

We talked again on Friday night, and she seems to have come around. She still has doubts, there's basically her inherent lack of trust that tells her I've cheated, clashing with her opinion of me and what we've lived together that tells her I would never do that. But she has decided not to end our relationship over something that she may very well be mistaken.

Her scrutiny is completely ridiculous. Her having routine access to your email, your face book, your call records, and your texts is setting off alarm bells. She sounds like an extremely controlling person - if you weren't married and didn't have a kid, I'd be recommending dumping her and getting the heck out of the situation.

Meh. I understand most people wouldn't accept this, but I like to be a man who says what he thinks and does what he says. I have nothing to hide. I have on some ocasions thought that giving her all this info is a way of feeding her issues, but it's too late to change now, and I don't really know if I want to, or if it would benefit anyone.

Has she always been like this? Jealous and suspicious? Just tossing out there that perhaps she's going after you like this in order to hide her own discrepancies? I could be totally off base here, as I obviously don't know either of you, but in the vacuum of analysis, it might be something to consider? Because as Knaight said, this level of scrutiny and distrust is completely uncalled for, especially as you've been together for quite a while. Either way, good luck.

Yes, she has always been like this.

Not legal advice, but try to build up a case and the resources to get custody of your child beforehand if you decide to split. My ex has custody of our kid, and while she is a terrible mom, she isn't quite terrible enough for me to get custody. Something to keep in mind if you do decide to split is that there may be the possibility that she will raise this child for significant portions of his life without any moderating influence. If she is as you say she is, that is something to think about. To say nothing of what other influences will enter your child's life when she starts dating again. 50-50 custody is still plenty of time to mess a kid up.

I don't really see where this comes from. She is an excelent mother, I don't think I've said anything on the contrary. And I seriously doubt we'd come to blows over custody. Either way, even if I wanted to, there'd be nothing to argue against her having custody, although I would certainly try to get 50-50.

Xapi throwing in my voice to the whole "staying together for the kids" is the worst thing you can do for a child
It's a thousand times worse growing up with parents who fight all the time and are bitter than growing up with separated parents

I think you guys may have misinterpreted me. I didn't mean to "stay together for the kids", although I think there's a chance we would have been apart during this brief separation if it weren't for our son. I mean, you do things differently when there's a child in the middle, you make sure you're certain what you're going to do before you actually act on it. This doesn't mean you'd make a different desition in the end.

What I meant is that it would be an absolute let down for me if we were ever separated, because I really want to give our son a happy family with strong ties.