Originally Posted by
SowZ
Hmm. Nearly everyone would agree that not telling someone and going ahead with it anyway when you know they would not consent if they knew, or lying when asked then engaging in sex afterwards, is wrong, yes?
The, "If the issue never came up, why is the onus on me? Their assumption is that I am X gender and they are correct." makes sense. But I am incredibly uncomfortable with the, "I wouldn't get laid if they knew so I will withhold the info precisely because I know they would retract sex," line of thought. I am uncomfortable because I think we should cast the widest net that is reasonable around consent, and even when people willingly engage in sex, it is wrong to do so under false pretenses. This also includes my belief that we should respect that everyone has absolute discretion in drawing their own sexual lines; even when such lines are racist, sexist, transphobic, homophobic, whatever. You don't have to respect the individual for it, but if someone has drawn a sexual line, it is not okay to ignore it just because it is invalid and bigoted. Does that make sense? This is not to equate the topic at hand with rape, it clearly isn't the same and anyone who implies that it is is engaging in hyperbole at best and hate speech at worst. But it doesn't have to be rape to be unethical.
Although some of my views may be reactionary to the fact that I am frequently disgusted with the game-like culture that getting laid seems to be knee deep in, and relating to a desire for casual sex with near strangers is something I can't 100% relate to. Regardless, "You didn't ask," might have validity but I don't think deceit does, excepting when lying is for your own safety, of course.