Quote Originally Posted by Stuebi View Post
So, I have no idea if this is something that people can help me with. Feel free to see this as a rant more than a cry for help.

Spoiler: spoilered for length
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So I have a Girlfriend now. It's been going for few months, so nothing longterm and very much in it's early stages. We're about 2 hours train-drive apart from each other and try to visit about twice a month for up to three days (A weekend, in most cases). Which has been working fine so far.

Also, I want to point out that I'm absolutely happy with her. So what I'm gonna write below is just a minor thing that has been bugging me, and it's possible that it just comes from me being inexperienced when it comes to relationsships.

So, my fair lady is worries. A lot. And about all kinds of things. I'm a very laid back guy, can be lazy and I generally have a "It doesnt matter what other people think"-attitude. She's the exact opposite. She wonders and frets about what other people might think about her, and especially, us. This kind of reached it's peak when I introduced her into my friendcircle. She's playing The Dark Eye along with us over Skype.

That round has been a source of worries for her as well. The other day she wrote "Hi" in the Skype-Conversation, and nobody wrote anything back (Which in Skype can happen. Sometimes people are busy, and some of my friends plain and simply dont greet over skype, they just talk. Heck, I frequently dont greet myself. If I did that in every chatroom with everyone I know, I'd be on Skype for hours each day.). She took that as "proof" that nobody in the conversation liked her, she was worried the only reason people took her up, was because she was my girlfriend.

Now, she does stuff like that a lot. And that itself wouldnt be an issue, it's the fact that no matter how hard I try to calm her down, it doesnt help. I explained to her that the guys just dont greet over skype, and they wouldnt take her in if they didnt like her. But it didnt help. In the end, we talked about that for almost 30 minutes, with me coming close to melting down in front of the PC. This is just an example, it doesnt happen all the time, but maybe once a week.

The thing is, as explained above, in this regard she's the polar opposite to me. I get tired very quickly when talking about this stuff, but she obviously actually worries about it, so I dont want to just go "Whatever" and make her feel like I dont care about her. For me, the conversation should reach some kind of conclusion after "Dont worry hones, I know the guys and they dont do stuff like that.". Mainly because I dont know what more I can offer.
Does she not have friends of her own?

Anyway, it sounds like if she's really worrying that much and debilitating herself with anxiety like that... Well, I'm not exactly sure how to go about it, but it seems like she'd be well-served by speaking to a professional about that. They've made a bit of progress with anti-anxiety medication and counseling, after all.

But, one thing to keep in mind is that she's obviously not looking for you to solve this, especially if this keeps coming up. So I'd recommend sympathizing with her and commiserating so she has her chance to vent, reassuring her of your affections for her, which arethe actual important thing here, not whether your friends that you introduced her to are now her best friends. Maybe try to help her find some ways to vent all of the emotional pressure that builds up within her so that it doesn't lead to dumping on you and burning you out, necessarily. Though if she's trying to become best friends with all of your friends so that your friends circles overlap fully, that's something you'll need to address because that's rather worrisome.