Grevesh the Story

[Lethologica]

That's a lot of creative output. More than I've ever done, for sure. *salutes*

Still, if we look at it from the perspective of publication quality, there's a lot to talk about.

I think the high-level issue is that the story feels unmotivated. Grevesh is just passing through, and is largely invested in his own agenda, which has no relevance to the story. Human-dragonborn dynamics are only treated in the most superficial manner. Flen has no reason to place such a high value on a single street brat. Salia's problems are largely informed. The shadow council is amusing, but purely sideline material. All in all, the story doesn't seem to be 'about' anything. This is a common pitfall for stories built from D&D sessions, where such directed storytelling would require railroading. (See also: why Lord of the Rings makes for a bad game of D&D.)

On a prose level, the quality is hit-or-miss. Flen's set piece with the bandits was probably the most fun to read, and the magic questions got me chuckling. On the flip side, there's a lot of over-narration going on, and frequently the characters behave in ways that don't seem to match their background and circumstances. The interactions between Salia and Flem in chapter 1 are a good example of this--Flem seems like he's wheedling a sullen teenager to try a new exercise, rather than hazing a street brat in his gang.

I would call this a success, because you wrote and completed a fairly long story, and generated interesting voices, ideas, places, and lines that you could use in future work. However, I would not attempt to publish the story in its present form.