LGBTAI+ #56: Prismatic Spray!

[Absol197]

Yesterday I totally imploded. I'd say at least I got 8 hours of sleep, but I slept through my usual appointment with Mina after just flat out missing one by a couple minutes, and my sleep was all nightmares.

I'm in full psychotic episode mode AND depression mode.

The job I quit the boss is hounding me and my 30 days notice hasn't expired, and the job I applied for hasn't gotten back to me about a promised working interview. I spent an hour crying on my bed before I could get the energy to grab my computer. I abandoned my weekly gaming session yesterday because I suddenly couldn't cope with it.

I'm so, SO sick about feeling sorry about things. I don't want to feel sorry, anymore.

Mina? Love ya and always here. Not fleeing from any part of my life, not avoiding you, just been a crappy month all around and I've fallen flat on my face. Just need a moment to pick myself up.

Oh no . I'm so sorry, Golly. I wish I could do more than offer internet-hugs.

Please know that you're an amazing and thoughtful and kind person, and regardless of whatever demons you grapple with, I'll always treasure the fact that I got the chance to know you. Hang in there; you'll pull out of it. I know you will. *Hugs*


So, additional follow-up from my post-surgery experience:

Spoiler: Week 2 and Beyond!

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I have most of my mobility back; it's still an effort to pick things up off the floor, and I'm still walking funny (and slow), but the healing is going well. Most of the bruising is gone, and the swelling is probably half-gone, as well. Dr. Bowers' gives a 3-4 week estimate on being able to resume most exercise, so I'm halfway there, and that seems like a good estimate.

Dilation is...interesting. With Dr. Bowers, the schedule is 3/day for the first 3 months after surgery, 2/day for the next 9 months (so until a year after surgery), and then 1/day for the next ever. Although she does say that most patients are able to reduce it even further after a total of 18 months. However, I've always been a fast healer, so I'm not sure if that would be a good idea for me. I'll have to see.

When I first started doing it, the dilation process was both painful and bloody, making me hesitant and exacerbating my tendency to procrastinate with regards to it. However, the bloody part went away rather quickly, and the painful part is starting to go away, so now the process is just awkward .

As far as my frame of mind goes, as things heal and it gets easier and easier to move around, I'm feeling better and better about the decision. I read in an article about Lady Jenner's facial surgery that a lot of patients often have an episode of, "What have I done?!" soon after things like this, and I think that's all that was going on with me. That's probably something you should prepare yourself for, knowing that it's likely going to happen, so it's not as big a worry when it happens to you when you're in your hospital bed.

But anyway, yay! Still no actual good stuff to report, but that's because I'm still in primary healing mode: I'm fairly positive as time goes by that there will be lots of "good stuff" to come .

As always, feel free to ask me questions!