Yeah, the effect is more Robert Pickton than Dolly Parton. So wigs it is!
I really don't have an answer to that, sorry. Sometimes, you just got to say it and let them come to terms with it themselves. You can say things in all manner of different ways, but, when it comes down to it, the ball is in their court once you say it...also, my Pathfinder group (only 3 people) knows about me now and they're fine with it. I'm still trying to think of a way to let my best friend know without scaring him to the point of alienating him though. I know "if he can't accept you, he was never your friend," but I absolutely cannot bear to have him leave me at this point. At all.