Originally Posted by
AmberVael
Its easy to get bogged down in all the rhetoric and shifting vocabulary around trans issues. Break them down into the kinds of things you think they're supposed to mean, or that people use them to mean, even if you're not sure they're accurate. Then examine those pieces in relation to yourself. Are you comfortable with your body? Are there ways in which you want to act masculine, and/or ways in which you want to act feminine? What pronouns feel right, or more importantly, which pronouns do you want? These things are far more significant than the definition of one or two words, and you don't need those words to uncover them.
But if you do want to define gender - its a social construct. It is not your body, or your personality. Rather, it is an emergent property. It is not your body, but your body may have an impact on your gender. It is not your personality, but your personality may have an impact on your gender. Your choice of pronouns and the way you present yourself will also have an impact on your gender. Think of it like hit points in Dungeons and Dragons: hit points are largely derived from your hit dice and your constitution, but hit points aren't either of those things, and there are other factors that play into it.
Because gender is not your personality, a woman can be masculine, or a man can be feminine. They are still perceived as female and male respectively, because there are other factors still supporting those gender identities. Similarly, a trans individual is the gender they identify with regardless of their sex, because gender is something more than sex, even if the two are still associated.
In short, gender is a category we've created. Because we created it, its nature can shift and its boundaries can be fuzzy. There's this list of associated traits and characteristics that define it, and you don't have to check all the boxes to fit in, and the list doesn't remain the same.
Which brings me back to the beginning - understanding yourself is the only way you're really going to figure out where you want to fit and how to get there. Because its not as simple as just some kind of binary data point that you can find somewhere and have it be settled. Its a category determined by many things, and a lot of those things are determined by your actions and your desires.