Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition V: How dead is that corpse?

[Inevitability]

DM: There is a giant golden statue in the middle of the room.
Wizard: Obviously a trap. Don't move until I say so.
Fighter: I walk into the room.
DM: You trip over a thin wire and a greasy substance sprays from the ceiling on the floor. Roll a dexterity save.
Wizard: Nobody move!
Fighter: 6?
DM: You are now uncontrollably sliding further into the room, and trigger a pressure plate. Darts fly from the walls and hit you, constitution save please.
Wizard: Why are you moving?
Fighter: Does a 9 save?
DM: You are poisoned for 14 points of damage. Another trap triggers as you move further into the room, and a stone block drops on you. Dexterity save.
Wizard: Oh god.
Fighter: 2...
DM: You take another eight points of damage, and you start bleeding out. As your slide comes to an end, a net falls down on you.
Wizard: Well, at least he stopped moving.

Fighter: I walk up to the statue along the cleared path.
Wizard: Don't touch the statue.
Fighter: I touch the statue.
DM: Your finger gets stuck.
Wizard: Why does no one ever listen to me?

Wizard: So, what did you see?
Rogue: Pair of basilisks up there. I don't like our odds. Let's backtrack and try to find another way past.
Wizard: Ooooor I could send in an Unseen Servant with a mirror.
DM: I hate you, you know.

Fighter: Magic guy? I drank this strange green potion and now I feel one with nature. Any idea what it could be?
Wizard: I'm thinking drugs.

Wizard: Well, rogue, the bard is still stuck to that statue, and the fighter has probably been captured. It's up to us now to infiltrate the cultist's ranks.
DM: You are both small-sized, and all the cultists are humans. Even if you wore those robes you looted off them, you'd immediately be noticed.
Wizard: Don't worry, I took care of it. Rogue, please get on my shoulders, then put on the robe.
Fighter: Are you seriously doing this?

Fighter: They're Russian Moroccan French goblins!

Wizard: These hook horror screeches you're making are strangely adorable. Do more!