Campaign Quotes, No Context Edition VI: Good. Bad. I'm the one with the pun.

[Beacon of Chaos]

Took a break from the sci-fi campaign to run a one-shot D&D session for my group.

GM: The wool festival is especially popular. Sheep-shearing contests, knitting lessons, it's fun for the whole family! For a certain definition of fun.

Lechter: Oh, good! I have Speak With Animals! I can break the game already!

Najira: Can I make a nature roll to know if the wolves are acting strangely?
GM: Sure.
Najira: *crit fail*
GM: You know that wolves are scary when they're charging at you.

Najira: I'm already in his room, drawing arcane sigils on the floor and preparing a ritual. Is he awake?
GM: He is now. He's sitting on the bed and pushing against the wall like he's trying to phase through it.

Twink: Don't worry, we're just trying to find out if you've been possessed by evil spirits!
Najira: Tell him I need some of his blood!
GM: Featherrock is now actively attempting to claw his way through the wall.

Twink: Oh, how come she gets to loot the place and I don't!?
Merrickson: Those healing potions will help you on your mission. How is my brother's silverware going to do that?
Twink: You never know.

Party: *bickering and insults*
Merrickson: I'm so glad I picked such a well-oiled machine as this party to help us in our time of need.
Party: *continued bickering and insults*

Mary: He kicked the chicken! I can't believe it.

Twink: Wait, are they wearing high-vis jackets?
GM: Yes. One of them has "Highway Maintenance Wolf" written on it.

Najira: I'm at -1 HP.
GM: Well you did walk directly into melee combat as the squishy party wizard.
Najira: I expected my team to help me!
GM: ...A well-oiled machine.

Edit:
Lechter: Holy ****, a talking wolf!
GM: You were talking to a wolf earlier!
Lechter: Yeah, but that usually requires magic or drugs to do.