Would you read a story about a fictional being that doesn't exist in writing yet?

[Manga Shoggoth]

So, what do you guys think - are you more likely to read something tried and true or something new and potentially exciting?

This is the wrong question. For something to be "Tried and True" means an author who I already like, writing in a genre that I want to read, with a story I want to hear. That's a very, very small field, but one that will have almost immediate entry because all the factors are known.

Outside that, everything else is "new", even if you are writing in the same genre: If you are not an author that I know then you are "new". After that you had better be - if not "exciting", at least "good enough" - or the first item I look at may also be the last.

From my own point of view, There are a number of hurdles to cross before I read any story.

Note that the first two hurdles are - frankly - absurdly difficult. To the budding writer it probably seems unfair that the first two criteria have so little to do with the bulk of your story (and in the publishing world are often not your fault either - at least in the online world you can take the responsibility...). However, they are many stories out there, and a potential new reader is not going to waste time looking for reviews before reading your story.

Very roughly, the hurdles are:

1. Genre, Title and Cover (AKA You can't judge a book by its cover, but guess what?)

I tend to read Sci-fi and Fantasy, but am known to read almost anything (including romances) if I feel there is enough in the story.

Literally the first things I will see are the title and cover illustration. (Publishing online you may only have the title to work with), so to engage my interest you need a good title (and good cover illustration if that is possible in the medium you are using).

OK... So, it's Fantasy (the "romance" is redundant unless your story revolves entirely around the romantic aspects - simply including a relationship in the story is not enough to make it a Romance.).

No title. Well, you've lost me there, then.

Suggestion: Tell us the title of the story - in the context of this thread it isn't all that important, but it is the first hook..

2. Story Summary

Strictly speaking, this is virtually level with hurdle no. 1 as in a real book the blurb is usually on the back (or inside on the dust sheet for hardcovers), but it will be the second thing I see when I pick the book up.

Here's yours:

It's a fantasy-romance where the protagonist is saved by the strange new kid in school (I know, so twilight but I wrote this first) and she is absolutely terrified of him but he doesn't give up on her and they obvs fall in love. Because of that they suddenly have to fight to keep the peace and flee the country where they take on a new life which suddenly comes crashing down around them and a whole fight for survival starts.

And after that, you've lost me. You are describing what happens mechanically in the story, but giving no real idea of what the story is about and why I should care about any of the characters. Apparently, they have to fight to keep the peace, but I have no idea why they need to.

Also, there is no need to compare it to Twilight (unless you are after the same target audience).

I can best explain this by example: Your description is actually similar to some of the events in Girl Genius, so let me compare this with the first Girl Genius novelisation for a moment:

Agatha H and the Airship City

Years after the Industrial Revolution escalated into all-out war, Europa is controlled by tyrannical Sparks, mad scientists who rule over the hapless population with clockwork armies, bizarre inventions and unchecked power.

At Transylvania Polygnostic University, frustrated student Agatha Clay appears to have nothing but bad luck. Incapable of building anything that actually works, Agatha seems destined for a lackluster career as a lab assistant. But when the University is overthrown by the ruthless Baron Wufenbach, Agatha is taken prisoner aboard his massive airship - and it begins to look like she may carry a spark of Mad Science after all.

The title is a hook right there. Airship City? Sounds like an interesting concept.

Then the first paragraph sets the scene. We have a world ruled by (potentially warring) Mad Scientists. The background is already introduced.

The second paragraph introduces the heroine. It tells us clearly what her problem is and why we should care. It also only covers the first four chapters. The rest of the story (the male lead and the relationship between them) is then built up in the story.

Suggestion: Re-write your story description. At the moment we have very little to engage with as we have no idea what the world is like or why we should care about the characters. What makes your story stand out from every other fantasy adventure that has boy-meets-girl in it?.

3. First Page, First Chapter (AKA Hook, Line and Sinker)

Obviously, we haven't got this far, but I'll add it for completeness.

If you manage to clear the first two hurdles, then congratulations: I am now looking at your story. You have my attention. The trick is now how to keep it.

The three things that are going to turn me right off are: Bad English, Bad Writing and Bad Storytelling.

Bad English (Spelling, Grammar) is usually obvious within the first page. Bad Writing (Flow, style) can sometimes be picked up in the first page, but this is usually a little harder to detect.

If there are no obvious issues in the first page, then the first chapter is the final stretch: Bad Storytelling - Can you tell the story I want to read, in a way I want to read it? Generally speaking I will know by the end of page three.

Suggestion: This part is, of course, very subjective. I have given up on books that were very popular (and - to be fair - good stories) simply because I haven't enjoyed reading them. I can't really help here except to say that to be successful you need to learn how to write, and that is far more difficult than it sounds.