Where The DM is Cursed Equally For Terry Pratchett and Moana:



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We watch from the port buildings as the Cavern Wind’s envoy unloads and shifts provisions. Platoons of Half Giant guards/pack mules ferry supplies up and down the gang plank. Little Mountain draws everyone’s attention to a series of heavily muscled and tattooed dwarves giving orders and consulting with the ship’s captain.

Skarlax reports that the galley is expected to launch for it’s journey by mid evening.

Skarlax: I talked with the captain of a smaller ship. He is willing to set sail today, but it’s going to practically bankrupt us of any remaining coin. He insists that his Well Dipper can reach the waters on our map within a fortnight, but he insists that it is vacant sea with unforgiving currents and nothing of interest.

Helio: Did you manage to feel him out for long it will take the galley to make that same voyage.

Skarlax: I posed as if we were consulting them for alternate passage. Captain Dmitri said that a ship that size driving it’s oar handlers hard could make the same trip in ten days, but they could be much slower returning.

Mercutio: Can we seek alternate passage on the galley? I mean sabotaging them is one thing, but flat out being in their shadow is just as good.

Little Mountain: They would recognize me on sight. If not me specifically certainly what I represent.

Oasis: Well let’s hear plans for hampering their passage and plans for accelerating our own.

Mercutio: I could smash their rudder up easy enough, but that could be fixed or replaced within a day.

Skarlax: Could poison their water supplies. I got enough to make the crew sick without killing them. Hard to spell a turn at the oar when you are ****ting your guts out.

Helio: Set a fire to the ship, could cost them more than a day or two.

Oasis: Can the sand-sails make that kind of crossing.

Slim: One squall or storm and we are shark bait. Get us close enough to the destination and we could make a shorter range sprint.

Oasis: Well let’s see if we can convince Dmitri to trim the sail time, and load the two skiffs. Then let’s try to sabotage the water supply and foul their rudder.

Captain Dmitri: You are quite confident of your map. I have sailed the trade routes and ventured beyond the paths deemed safe. You are paying a great deal for weeks at sea only to see more waves. No vessel I am acquainted with has found a single trace of the legendary “dwarf fortress”.

Oasis: Never the less, we need haste to reach our destination.

In the end a price is bartered that quite fully depletes all money held by the party, but the bartering does convince the Captain to belay transporting several loads of cargo and passengers that will potentially allow them to cut a day off the journey. Skarlax manages to slip a diluted poison amidst the water barrels of the galley Juggernaut, and under cover of darkness Mercutio and Oasis assault the ship’s rudder and hull, they are also fortunate enough to slip away undetected. The journey begins uneventfully, and it is only on day seven that trouble is spotted. One of Dmitri’s crew shouts down from the crow’s nest to alert the captain.

Sentry: Southeast Captain!

Dmitri produces a spyglass and then begins cursing to himself.

Dmitri: Helm! Prepare for hard and abrupt turning. Anyone not up to their eyeballs in work clearing the deck of anything you can.

Helio: What did you spot, another ship?

Dmitri: Right…you lot. Hope you can fight. Any of you ever hear of Zrithnaken?

Oasis: I recall a passage in a scroll, something about a jungle island very isolated and savage.

Dmitri: Well it’s a real place, one no one bothers going to. Problem is sometimes pieces of the island come looking for us.

Helio: We don’t follow.

Dmitri: You know Thri-Keen right?

Oasis: Deep desert dwelling primitives, look like insects, almost human level intelligence.

Dmitri: Well, on Zrithnaken they are a bit more advanced. Every ten or fifteen years we hear stories about their floating islands and how they devour whole ships. I never seen some myself, but I have had them described to me plenty enough to know if they are real what to expect. I just saw one.

The captain passes off the spyglass and everyone takes turns looking into the distance. Almost at the limit of sight is a massive floating jungle ball. The mass is most certainly moving and at a speed significant enough to create sizeable wake.

Dmitri: We aren’t going to out run it, but maybe we stall long enough to wear it out.

Mercutio: Wear “it” out?

As the crew scrambles to push the ship to it’s limit the minutes stretch into hours and the Thri-Keen floatilla nears, the captain hands off a spyglass and a set of enormous flippers and mottled green/grey head are barely visible beneath the surface.

Claws: It’s Turtle.

Oasis: That is a damn big turtle. Always thought the giant tortoises confused for islands was a myth.

Dmitri: I used to think the same way.

Helio: They are doing something…looks like they are erecting a sling.

Dmitri: Damn, they are going to try and sink us. Start tacking course…keep us moving side to side, change it up frequently.

Helio: Won’t that let them come closer and quicker.

Dmitri: Well that beast ain’t slowing down and we are about to catch all kinds of hell, so desperate times.

A few minutes pass and there is an audible lurch to the whole tortoise and floating island. A massive stone anchor is lofted high into the air and it plummets with alarming accuracy within a few yards of the Well Dipper. The force of the impact sends the much smaller ship sprawling.

Skarlax: They are going to be right on top of us soon, and a single hit from anything that size and we are sunk. I say we fight. Get close enough that they can’t hurl anything at us.

Helio: You want to nuzzle the floating death ball?

Skarlax: No I want to HIDE in the floating death ball. It will take them all of five minutes to sink or search this tub. We can’t get cover in the foliage a lot better than the larder.

Oasis: I dislike the notion of hiding in their territory, but I suppose it beats the alternative. Captain, can I persuade you to abandon ship?

Dmitri: Don’t see that I have much choice.

The Well Dipper swings around and begins a suicide approach to the tortoise jungle island, we all but ram the ship into the foliage and secure rigging to the trees, leaping to the safety of “dry land”. No sooner are we afoot on the island then we begin hearing the alien language of the Thri-Keen marauders.

A series of twin splashes snaps our attention back to the Well Dipper and we witness Dmitri and his crew sliding down ropes to the sand skiffs, now afloat in the water and he gives us a mocking salute as he starts a course away from the tortoise island.

Other than shouting a few obscenities we are unable to press that particular matter any further as a series of jagged bone projectiles come whistling through the trees at us. The paralytic poisons attached work marvelously fast and before we get mount much of an offense, Helio and Oasis are both virtually crippled. Claws and Jaws get a hold of a mantis shaped humanoid and begin rending it to shreds which draws enough attention for Little Mountain to snatch up the the paralyzed teammates and make a blind sprint away. Mercutio is chucking rocks mid stride and Skarlax seems to melt into the trees. The oracle and monk dump the poisoned duo at the hollow of a dead tree and then try to steer away the pursuers.

In a short frame of time Little Mountain and Mercutio are also paralyzed, Claws is surrounded by a veritable kill circle but somehow he and his lion wreak havoc on the Thri-Keen and are on the verge of getting free from attack when a heavy weighted net is dropped on them…their language is incomprehensible but the intent is clear. Easier to kill this one. A thri-keen more adorned and decorated than the rest draws forth a barbed spear forged from something akin to bone but different (we think ivory) and is prepped for a coup de grace when a pair of kukri plunge into his thorax and then sharply slash his throat. The few remaining warriors scatter and Skarlax manages to extricate the ranger and they limp off back into the vegetation.

The four paralyzed PC’s are trussed and gagged then dragged to the center of the “island”. In the midst of being stripped of their posessions a lighter toned mantis man begins rubbing something on their skins…the smell is unmistakable. Rosemary, sage, garlic and a hint of oregano.

Helio: We are being seasoned.

A short and sharp shrill like an abrupt whistle causes all the Thri-Keen to snap to attention and they part ways to let a figure approach the bound prisoners. A winged serpent with bright feathers and feminine features casually flies just slightly off the ground to appraise the day’s haul. She smiles sadly at the four players and the tip of her tail lightly caresses them in turn.

Winged Serpent: I wish you to suffer naught…I can grant you the boon of deep sleep and a painless passing. My flock will see to it that you are not wasted. Your companions will soon join you and I will grant them the same grace.

Mercutio: We would prefer to live…not sure you want to try and eat me, my meat would be rather sandy.

Winged Serpent: Your body is cursed, I see it. Your soul though is blessed. They will not partake of your flesh, but they will thrive on the nourishment of your spirit. I thank you for this boon. Your passing will strengthen them and allow life to flourish for a time longer.

Mercutio: Well that backfired.

The Thri-Keen start chittering to themselves as Claws and Skarlax are dragged into the small clearing. They are still breathing but in the worst shape of everyone. The lion itself seems to be in remarkably good shape and several smaller mantis people attentively care for it’s wounds.

Winged Serpent: I sense the taint of the wyrm upon one of you. But whom?

One by one everyone is levitated by the Winged Serpent and then wrapped in her coils, followed by being surrounded by her wings….it forces each of us to stare directly into her strangely alluring eyes. When she gets to Helio she shudders and visibly trembles.

Winged Serpent: Blinded for so long, I admire that you began to see. The deceivers grow stronger and the land suffers.

Helio: Then leave your bellies empty and let us fight.

Winged Serpent: You will only fail. Your bravado is sweet but futile.

A clamour arises from the thri-keen ransacking our posessions as it uncovers the trio of polished idols. The cat figurines are presented to the Serpent with reverence.

The serpent lady addresses the Mantis warriors and with haste they free us from our bonds and slide our gear back towards us. The Winged Serpent coils herself around each of us once again and with blinding pain she sinks her fangs into our necks and begins to drain us. The agony is untold and when she finishes we one by one crumple to the ground. The process seems to take a heavy toll on her as well, by the time she finishes with the last of us the Thri-Keen are propping her up from collapse. She names herself Qaur.

Qaur: I have drawn the poison from your bodies…the pain will pass in time.

The Thri-Keen are redirected and the island begins to turn.

Qaur: Freeing you is a great hardship, but one that must be born. The winds of change demand your presence and I must ferry you to meet your fates.

Mercutio: So we are free to go?

Qaur: Our home is free to you, as it must be. But I must shepherd you to answer the call. Shen Gralla beckons.

Helio: We don’t understand.

Qaur: it is not my place to explain.

Skarlax: Our destination is the lost dwarf stronghold…is that Shen Gralla?

Qaur: That answer is not mine to give.

She is carried away before we can press her further and while we are now mostly being left alone and confused there are several Thri-Keen paying us close attention in the trees.

Skarlax: We are stuck. I don’t fancy another fight, somehow I don’t think it will work out for us a second time. Those idols bought us back our skins but she doesn’t strike me as the multiple chances type.

We put ourselves back together and try to retrace our steps back to the Well Dipper. As we meander through the jungle a loud whoosh noise and lurching sensation sends us reeling.

Oasis: They are firing on something again.

Within a few hours we hear the desperate screams of men and the frantic chittering of Thri-Keen. We make our way back to the clearing and half of Dmitri’s crew bound and trussed. His first mate amongst them.

Helio: Well this seems poetic.

Mate: It was captain’s orders. Wasn’t my call. He is the Captain.

Helio: We understand chain of command…your hands were tied.

Mate: Can you help us out here? We can sail for you.

Helio: Oh Im afraid we aren’t in command. SHE is the captain around here. Our hands are tied. For what it’s worth though…she can make it painless.

Mercutio: Not sure I want to stick around for this.

Skarlax:Yeah I would prefer giving it a pass too.

As nightfalls the mantis warriors escort us back to Qaur…most signs of the Well Dipper crew are gone. Some of the clothing is left behind, but that is about it. Qaur seems recovered from her weakened condition but she also seems anxious and concerned. When we inquire she actually opens up a bit.

Qaur: They were not enough. I worry that Yi will awaken.

Oasis: Who is Yi? The tortoise?

Qaur: Yi is the spirit bound to this oubliette. We must consume living flesh to keep him slumbering. His presence amplifies the strength of life. It allows the flora and fauna in this place to bloom and prosper, but the cost is flesh. We are a point of light in a sea of dark. As we grow we weaken the hidden wyrms. We are forbidden from venturing below to his prison. I fear that if we do not find more food soon he will arise and destroy our verdancy.

Helio: is there a way to restrain him?

Qaur: Only by force. He can never truly be killed, only subjugated and forced back to his bed.

Helio: We are not forbidden from entering his cell. If you were to grant us a favor I am sure we could be persuaded to assist.

Qaur: What would you seek?

Helio: Freedom to leave aboard our ship and to resume our course.

Qaur: I am compelled to return you to Shen Gralla. I can’t be dissuaded from this course.

Helio: And after?

Qaur: After you are delivered you are free to seek whatever destination you see fit.

Skarlax: Do you take requests?

Qaur: Requests? I don’t understand.

The rogue describes the galley commandeered by the Cavern Wind envoy and basically asks that they target this vessel specifically.

Qaur: If you can drive Yi back to slumber then yes we shall seek out this ship.

Skarlax: I think that is the best outcome we can derive given the present situation gents.

Oasis: Into the belly of the tortoise we go...



Doing my best to not let this fade out before completing it...