That makes me very sad. If I may be candid, I was actually happy when I looked back at some posts a few pages back and it looked like things were going better for you. I might be an awful place to offer support or encouragement, and I definitely have nothing in the way of practical advice, but keep trying. Please don't give up on yourself.
On a somewhat lighter note, all this discussion about work and the insanity it causes has me wondering-- Has anyone else taken up smoking so your supervisor would be more understanding of your need for a quick five-minute break?