Quote Originally Posted by ve4grm View Post
When I first started having issues with my own mental health (I've had the OCD all my life in a minor, non-harmful way, but only developed issues starting in my late 20s) I focused on all these little things, and only saw the terrible endings that they could lead to. I stressed over them endlessly, even things that were years old. The biggest help to me getting past it (and back into my normal life) was the fact I had my wife there, and she was able to confirm to me that the thing I was stressing about? Nobody noticed, or thought it was weird. And even if it was kind of weird, it's fine and we'd get past it.

These days (4 years later) I don't need that much. But at the time, it was huge.

So I second the suggestion of having someone you trust, that you can run through these sorts of feelings with, and who can reassure you that you're ok. It doesn't even have to be someone who was there, if you don't want to involve anybody from work.

Think of it as a treatment, like putting a cast on a broken leg. Would you refuse a cast, because you don't want to be reliant on a cast forever and just want to go back to your leg not being broken? Of course not! The cast facilitates healing, and enables you to get back on your feet eventually.

So this is a cast, or a splint. Something that can prop you up, to allow you to heal, until you're able to stand on your own.

All the best in your healing.
That's a good analogy, and I appreciate you sharing your experience. Unfortunately, I'm not sure I have anybody I trust that much-- even the people I generally feel comfortable confiding in (and there's only a couple), I can only be so vulnerable with them. I guess that's the value of seeing a therapist-- having somebody you have no personal attachment to so you're not necessarily worried about being vulnerable with them.

Which is why I intend (once I get over this irksome little cold of mine) to follow up on a potential job very soon, so I can finally have the money to consider that option.

Quote Originally Posted by Thrawn4 View Post
Speaking from my own experience: It is very much a state of mind you can overcome. Maybe these pointers can help you.


1. Have you allowed yourself to be proud of who you are? Because if not, you should do this.
2. Do you really desire the respect of people who might disregard you because of minor mistakes?
I don't think I'm lacking in pride or confidence, at least not intrinsically. If anything, I always felt like I had a pretty healthy sense of self-esteem, but you can only take so long of feeling like nobody else shares your positive assessment of yourself before you start to agree with them. Basically, I don't think I lack confidence in myself, it just feels like the world lacks confidence in me. And eventually, that starts to erode my self-confidence, too.

As for your second point, well, I don't necessarily worry that one minor slip up is going to lose respect so much as a series of mistakes, faux pas (how do you even pluralize that word? faux pax?), and general acts of dumbassery is going to give people a negative overall impression of me.

Thank you all for your advice and input. I think my best option right now is to get a source of income and try and find a therapist who can help me work through this funk. Failing that, moving to space. Because in space, nobody can hear you blurt out dumb social blunders.