Quote Originally Posted by The Fury View Post
I guess I just feel surprised that people think about me at all.

As for my toxicity... I think it's a fear more than a belief. The idea of hurting someone I care about is something that terrifies me. I've even done it before, and I still feel horrible about it. Maybe I didn't mean to, but that's immaterial because I still did it. I still have that lingering worry. What if I do it again?
I think that is literally what makes you a non-toxic person. Caring about how you effect others and trying not to hurt them is the opposite of someone who is toxic, IE a user. You aren't always going succeed, because people are fragile and life is harsh, but caring at all is doing better then a lot of people do.

I'm a middle child within a family with huge emotional issues, and my role for my life has been to absorb other's problems while they throw tantrums if their mind isn't read perfectly. Then I went to college and built my identity around getting old men and women to praise me for anticipating their ideas and regurgitating back to them what they want to hear. I learned a lot from the last few years, like caring about yourself is ok and that other people don't need all of your energy to survive.

Which brings me back to the ego thing. You are assigning yourself too much importance and not enough respect. People don't need you, the world gets along fine without you. If you hurt them they will get over it. By the same token, they don't want you around because they need something from you, but because they like you. Stop thinking about how much damage you can do to them, because it isn't much. Think about how much happiness you can have with them, which is a lot.