Quote Originally Posted by The Fury View Post
I've not been feeling great, so I probably won't be even nearly as helpful as I would like. For that I am sorry. I will try my best.

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It's very easy to see your failures, at least it's that way for me, an I suspect you too. Also, if you're like me, I imagine that it feels like your failures are so heavy and so numerous that it blinds you to the fact that you have good qualities too. So I guess my point is this-- maybe you can't see your better qualities right now. I assure you though, they are there and you do have them.

As for death feeling easier than becoming a functioning adult... that is a disturbing thought. No judgement of course. I've been there too. The number for the National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 1800-273-8255. I've had to call it before too, so just remember that help is out there.
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The insidious thing about my depression right now if that I can recognize my positive traits but I am having a hard time valuing them very highly. I feel like I am too undisciplined to ever get anything done. To actually do anything I can feel proud of takes commitment I don't have. And it isn't just things like being single and unemployed but things like how i have always liked the idea of writing fantasy but I just don't have to commitment needed to practice. Similarily I have some good ideas for rpg games I could run but I haven't made myself develop them beyond an outline and a couple of names for a CoC scenario. And honestly I am not very good at roleplaying which feels disheartening because I have invested so much time and energy to the hobby.

Thank you for reminding me of the hotline I will make use of it if necesarry. And I doubt I will do anything to hurt myself because the time that got me hospitalized was brought about because of an important university deadline I had utterly failed to complete and the reaching the point where I would have to admit my failings to my family.

Thank you for your time and I hope you start feeling better soon.