Quote Originally Posted by HalfTangible View Post
So in the space of about a day I got kicked out of a friend's group I was having a lot of fun with over a dumb political argument that got started this morning and around the same time I learned this one of the few really strong friendships I made on this forum decided to leave the place permanently due to the same issues (albeit nothing to do with me in his case). This would've been a small thing on its own but it feels like the straw breaking the camel's back.

Everything I say and do feel like a mistake. I make friends with people who think I'm subhuman, or I say the wrong thing to people whose company is mutually enjoyable, and stuff I was enjoying or looking forward to gets aborted or canned. Talking about any of this stuff never works out but I can't just ignore the topic when it's brought up, that's not healthy either! One step forward, five steps back because a metal bat just slammed into my face.

I've been told that if someone stops being your friend because they disagree with you politically they weren't your friend. And that... honestly I'm not sure I believe it. I understand it, logically speaking, but it feels like a bull, especially when it just keeps happening.

Sometimes it's the other person's fault and I know that in my bones ("you're subhuman" is pretty unambiguously in that category). Others... I mean... we were joking around, having fun, then I say something wrong, and I get blocked and kicked out because I crossed some line. I'm not saying this came out of nowhere or that there weren't problems before then, just... this felt like I ruined something good I had going. Sooner or later you stop being able to say or even think "it's not my fault" when the same problem keeps popping up over and over.

I've gotten better as a person and stabilized emotionally (it doesn't sound like it I know) but nowhere near enough. Not for me, not for the people I interact with... I miss my friends, I miss our games, I miss being able to play without getting into a stupid argument that ruins everything.

And I am... much more upset about all of this than I should be. All I had to do was keep my stupid ****ing mouth shut for like an hour and I couldn't and now I'm ****ing alone all over again!! I just... I'm sick of everything. I hate my life, I hate myself, and I hate whatever stupid ****ing twist of fate decided I can only make friends with people I disagree with in the most extreme degree imaginable.

I don't want people to hate me but that's all I ever get them to ****ing do and sooner or later ya start to think you deserve it.
To be honest, I don't hate you. We all say things that we regret but we're human after all.