MitD XIX: The Potted Plant Is Starting To Look Reasonable

[Crusher]

Spoiler alert: Outside of formal debate competitions, it's not possible to win an argument.

I agree. One of my favorite passages in all of fiction helped me see that point, and I'll share it with everyone now. Its from Leviathan Wakes, the first book in The Expanse series. Miller, a former cop, is stuck next to a former missionary on a cheap transport flight between asteroid cities. The missionary explains *why* there's no real difference between being a missionary and not being a missionary.

"But after a few decades, you come to a place where you realize that there's really no difference between trying and not trying. I still travel. I still talk to people. Sometimes we talk about Jesus Christ. Sometimes we talk about cooking. If someone is ready to accept Christ, it doesn't take much effort on my part to help them. If they aren't, no amount of hectoring them does any good. So why try?"

Its true of virtually any argument on a deeply-held topic. If someone isn't already 50+% ready to switch over to your side of thought before the argument even begins, you will *never* change their mind. At least, not this time around. Your goal isn't to win, because that's functionally impossible. Your goal is to find *one* chink in their conceptual armor, a point of potential concession. And then work to build common ground so that they'll potentially be willing to talk to you again and won't be angry and reject your point out of pique.

Changing someone's mind on something important to them is like trying to sculpt stone with wooden tools. With a lot of effort, you can slowly wear away a few of the very roughest edges, but the potential for larger, rapid changes depend far more on pre-existing cracks in the stone than your effort.