Completely Inconsequential Hot-Takes 2: People Take Too Long to Post New Threads

[Ionathus]

Hot take: I hate "I'm sorry for your loss" is the automatic standard reply for a family member's death, especially regardless of time or circumstance. When I tell people my dad died in my teens, I hear that. Yeah, it sucked hard, I still miss him, but that was decades ago and anyone I talk to in-person can very clearly deduce that immediately. Or when I tell people my brother died, almost always after telling the what an abjectly horrible person he was who only made life worse for anyone he was ever in contact with. Don't be sorry for that loss. I'm not.

feel that one. i intentionally didn't tell the internet about the death of two of my grandparents just because i didn't want a flood of comments like that.

Giving the post a like or a thumbs up or some other small, wordless method of understanding / conformation that you've seen the message i feel would be better.

Spoiler: Comment collapsed because it veered into a consequential hot-take

Show

The most annoying part of it in my experience (having experienced a similar-scale loss to Peelee's at a similar time in my life) is that very few people know how to manage a conversation about grief. They drop condolences on the grieving party, and then it's up to YOU to figure out how to respond and even guide the conversation for them from that point on. It's done out of respect and uncertainty (they don't know the best way to support you in your loss), but it winds up putting yet more work on the grieving person. Some just say sorry and sit in it silently, other people try to blabber and blabber in the hopes that a scattershot approach means something they say will be cathartic to you. Some don't know how to say it so they never say anything.

The worst of this is that it can happen even before the person dies. My loved one had a lot of advance warning about his death, which means that not only did he have to make peace with it, he also had to help others make peace with his own death. A rare few individuals were able to talk to him on equal and supportive footing, being there for him and sharing the good final moments that he wanted to have with them. But many, many people had no idea what to do and usually just dumped their grief on him.

My own pet peeve hot-take here is the "everything happens for a reason" people. I don't think it's possible for us to get into that topic on here (though despite what you might think, it often wasn't even a religious claim), but here's a bit of blanket life-advice for everyone who reads this: never tell a grieving person that there was some reason they lost their loved one. It doesn't matter how certain you are that they share your worldview. Even if they agree with you in the abstract, it's incredibly likely that they don't agree when it's their loved one. Like guessing someone's pregnancy status, it is always better to just not open that can of worms.

I was very lucky in my own grieving process that someone (can't remember who) helped me realize that even the most thoughtless and vapid condolences are still usually genuine. As veti said, Western culture is terrible at processing and talking about death. I try to remind myself that everyone is doing the best they can, with what meager tools they have. That doesn't fix my annoyance when someone does a bad job of consoling me, and it might do nothing at all for others who are grieving...but it helps me to realize that they're saying "I love you and want to support you" as best as they are capable of articulating. Even if they're not speaking my "language of grief."

In my experience, "I'm sorry. How can I help?" the best starting point. (An even better one is "I'm sorry. [Concrete offer of help]. Yes or no?" -- thanks to Hank Green for putting into words a tricky dynamic my family struggled with daily while grieving)

In an unintended effort to yank us back towards the inconsequential, I have likely overcorrected. See below and decide for yourself!

I watched a YouTube video about "Legend of Zelda's worst heart pieces" and the creator's number 1 was the Don Gero's mask frog-choir in Majora's Mask. The reasons he gave convinced me that he fundamentally misunderstood the appeal of Majora's Mask.

His complaints were that, to get the heart piece, you need to first do a frustrating Goron-rolling challenge, which I can agree with -- the mechanics of that puzzle sucked. But then once you have the mask that lets you talk to frogs, he says that it's a design flaw that you have to track down 5 frogs across Termina. Two require beating mini-bosses in the 1st and then 3rd dungeon, one requires beating the 2nd dungeon again. Two are just out in the world and accessible whenever. He's annoyed that you'll likely get the mask before all frogs are unlocked (you can get the mask before the 2nd dungeon but the last frog is in the 3rd dungeon). He's annoyed that you will probably have to reset time at least once while figuring out the quest. Worst of all, he keeps invoking "backtracking" as some sort of cardinal sin.

As anyone who's played Majora's Mask before can tell you, backtracking is the entire point. The Groundhog Day time loop is inherent to many of the game's puzzles and quests, and the fact that you keep seeing the same three days replay over and over again means that your growing familiarity with the world gives you a growing feeling of power. You know exactly where all the Clock Town characters are...because you've passed them time and time and time again. The bomb shop lady always gets robbed at first midnight and you can save her. Romani Ranch is always attacked and you eventually get to stop it. You've probably seen the frog in the Clock Town Laundry Pool multiple times before you even leave clock town for the first time, and you definitely see the frog in Woodfall Temple when you beat the miniboss. It puts the question in your mind..."what are these frogs for? Are they just a worldbuilding detail?" And then halfway through the game, you learn they're a fun secret you can follow up on.

The game in general, and the Don Gero quest in particular, is a fantastic example of that piece of game design advice that says "show them the lock before you give them the key." Put the question in the player's mind, so they can feel smart and powerful when they figure out what they have to do. Reward them for returning to that locked door once they've found the key. That's a major part of a lot of game puzzles, but it's especially true in this game. Heck, your first gameplay "cycle" in this game is your three days as a Deku Scrub, where you're mostly a powerless observer who watches events unfold. They introduce you to the world and the characters and the three-day cycle before you can even do anything, and they essentially force a first time player to learn the game's unique identity before they can start collecting hearts and weapons and masks.

Backtracking is inherent to the entire game from the very beginning. Solving the simplistic "riddle" of finding all the frogs is a great way to help the player celebrate their growing knowledge and competency. And the cutscene where you conduct the frog choir is really cute and fun and intrinsically rewarding. The heart piece is just a bonus on top of everything.