The GM is an idiot

[Duke of URL]

Duke does his best to keep his jaw from hitting the floor once the session starts. Good lord, what have I gotten myself into? The chance of any good RP here is next to none!

He sighs, and picks up his (only) d20 and (only) d12 and rolls them as required.

(1d20)[4]
(1d20)[8]
(1d20)[17]
(1d20)[16]
(1d20)[8]
(1d12)[3]
(1d12)[6]

Well, those suck... but a flawed character is a better chance for some good solid roleplaying action. After all, we all know that character power and roleplaying are inversely proportional. They're not good rolls for a Monk, but I'll make them work somehow, since I've got this 23-page background for a monk already written and I've been dying to try it out before I finish the other 90%.

"Finesse, that's the ticket. Let me assign those rolls as... strength 8, dexterity 16, constitution 8, intelligence 6, wisdom 17, charisma 4, and 'awesomeness' 3. Now, I'll play this as en elf monk, so that's a plus two to dexterity and a minus two to constitution... so that's..." he writes down, as if it were a 1st level character, and not a "0th level character":

Xian Li
LN Male Elf Monk
Abilities: STR 8, DEX 18, CON 6, INT 6, WIS 17, CHA 4, AWE 3
Feats: Improved Unarmed Strike*, Stunning Fist*, Combat Reflexes
Skills: Listen +7, Spot +7
BAB: +0; Grapple -1
Attack: Unarmed -1 (1d6-1, 20/x2)
Full Attack: Unarmed Flurry -3/-3 (1d6-1, 20/x2)
HP: 6 (1d8-2)
AC: 18 (DEX +4, WIS +4)
Saves: Fort +0, Reflex +6, Will +5

and then drops a 23-page handwritten document on top of it, calling it "backstory."

(( Rather than actually write a 23-page backstory, I'll just be making random references to things that are supposedly in there, because no one is going to read it anyway. ))