Trouble in the West (WUSHU) IC

[Kuma Da]

Chaucer

Chaucer shuffles uneasily for a moment on the threshold. He glances heavenward.

Hey, buddy. I'm trespassing, I know, but it's for a good cause. You're supposed to be all for those.

So, can I ask you for a little bit of professional courtesy when I'm lookin' around in your house? I don't think you want a cult in there either, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't raineth brimstone and damnation down upon mine fragile mortal form. Particularly if I happen to raise a ruckus.

Thanks in advance.

He reflects for a little while, then realizes he hasn't got anything else to say. So he shrugs and walks forward, doing his best to ignore the little puffs of steam that accompany every footstep.

Just be cool. Act natural.

Wait. No. Don't act natural. They frown on that kind of thing here. Act...uh...stuffy?

Sliding into a pew, he hastily clasps his hands.

"Glory to, um, God in heaven...and stuff...may he stay there for a long time...uh," Chaucer mumbles, but it's under-his-breath enough to sound holy. The pew trembles a little bit.

Come on! Not now.

"Something something overused shepherd metaphor, something something not worthy." The pew bucks underneath him, and he hastily slams the palms of his hands against the wood, pinning it in place. Then he looks around surreptitiously to see if anyone might have noticed.

Churches are echo-y places. People have noticed.

Crap. Crap crap crapcrap crap.

"Sorry, I was...um, briefly overcome by the heavenly majesty of the lord...such that I needed to slam my hands down and, uh, proclaim his glory? To a bunch of people already in a church? On a day other than Sunday? Yes, it was a most profound revelation and I'm gonna go leave now," He stands up and catches a faint whiff of smoke as he does so.

What?

Chaucer looks down at the place where his feet were resting against the pew. It's smoldering.

Oh ****.

"Excuse me?"

Chaucer looks up again, directly into the face of a priest. How did he get there so fast? "Uh, hello. Um. Father. Did I say something?"

The old man colors. "You did. The contents of which I shall not repeat in a house of God. In related news, you appear to have lit church property on fire."

"Whoops. Sorry 'bout that. I'll just put that out." Chaucer kicks at the pew. The pew dodges. It dodges straight up twenty feet in the air and begins to revolve slowly, burning all the while. "Right. I don't suppose ya'll have an exorcist or pope or something I can talk to?"

Spoiler

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Using my 'blendling' trait to try and get an audience with the highest ranking man of the cloth at the church. It's a 5 point trait. Feel free to roll as many dice as I earned.