golentan:
Spoiler
Show
Facinating. Absolutely fascinating. There are so many facets to your issues that I honestly don't know where to begin. What's more, you're not asking for help. You're simply saying, "Here are my issues, these are the things that bother me, I know the solutions, and if the world would play nice with me, I'll play nice with the world."

Mathematically, one could see it as: A + B + C + D + E + F + G = 1,000,000. A = 1. Solve for E. It's maddening because, as viewed by someone who is not you, all I know is that A = 1. After that, there are thousands of possibilities as to what all the other numbers could be. The sum represents you as a person, and lonely ol' A is the fact that you were born.

And to be so congnitive of your problems. Many times, people come here with a problem that seems like the old joke:
A man walks into the doctor's office, starts flailing his left arm around, and says, "Doc, it hurts when I do this."

The doctor replies, "Then don't do that."
I am as much a victim of the process myself, and occasionally have had to have people tell me that which should have been obvious.

Personally, I think writing is a FANTASTIC hobby for you, as your mind will likely go places no one else thought to go. Harry Turtledove became famous for writing alternate histories; I'm reading Guns of the South for the second time, with the premise: what if the Confederate Army had been armed with AK-47s. The alternate histories roaming your mind might well make for fascinating reading.

Also, if you're of a mind to write screenplays, I recommend two books. The first is Adventures in the Screentrade, by Academy Award winning writer William Goldman. The other is How NOT to Write a Screenplay, by Denny Martin Flinn. I'm afraid finding these will mean a trek to the library, but both are great reads. In fact, I own a copy of the second, and consider it my "Screenplay Writing Bible."

While writing could be a minimal use of your hands, it's your desire to create that is addressed. If it's something you want to pursue, I can even take the time to teach you "the Magic of the Five Drafts" that I use when writing.

Anyway, I personally think you have matters well in hand. Venting without wanting a response is perfectly fine. The only reason I'm saying anything is to say, "I think I understand what you're saying," and to offer a few extra ideas.

I ask only ONE thing. I wasn't here for whatever it was that happened when the difference between schizophrenia and schizoaffective was skewed. Those who don't truly understand mental illness are quick to judge and make monstrous mistakes without giving it a second thought. (I got a "snap out of it" speech from my brother, yesterday.) Criticism, be it from strangers or those closest to us, can cause psychological fuses to explode. Try to be a bit more benevolent in their misunderstandings. Take the time to explain as kindly as you can, instead of letting every explosion control you. I know from my own experiences that it's difficult, and those blown fuses sometimes get the better of me.

Let us, together, test our ability to command our emotions.

"Niagra Falls."