Crack Pairings Matchup Table

[Zolkabro]

Durkon x Demon Roach.

To make things more fun, I decided that Durkon casts Thor's Might halfway through. That's just a taster of how freaky and mentally disturbing this is.

Redcloak! Ye reign of terror ends today!

Oh yeah? Well suck on this!

Redcloak casts destruction, and Durkon is destroyed. When he wakes up, he finds himself alone in a cell with a cleric demon roach, sitting on an oversized diamond.

Your alive!!!

The roach falls top the floor as the diamond disappears

Och, what foul trickery is this?

No, handsome one! No trickery, my beloved!

...

Yer what?

Redcloak killed you, but I raised you, 2 months later. I love you Durkon! I couldn't wait to -

Plugging his ears Thor's overtanked liver! Don' continue, please, lad!

sidling closer Come on, Durkon.

On his knees Och, NO! Please NOOOOO!

Several hundered miles away

Did somebody just do something cheesy? I got this feeling...

Shut up, Elan

Back in the cell

I'll kill ye! THOR'S MIGHT!!!!!

Y'know, this ain't that bad...

Several hours later. Thor's might has not yet worn off.

C'mon, Durky-baby.

That's the stuff, Roachy.

I'd just love it if you were normal sized. I've had about enough of hugging something my size.

Anything for you, babe.

Durkon returns to normal size.

I IS BEING SQUISHLED DOWN HERE!!!

Och, sorry, babe.

The door to the cell is thrown open.

What is this rumpus? I could hear you from the other side of Azure City!

...

REDCLOAK!!! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE, AND BRING A SPELL OF BLINDNESS!!!!!!!

and What is it?

Um, sir? I suggest we don't let the creature in the darkness see this.

with wide eyes and a drooling mouth Too late! Ooooooooooooo.



I'm going to spend the rest of the day wondering how I come up with this stuff.