Originally Posted by
Kaytara
Zanaril, your story rocks. Darker!Insane!V is creepy to read about, in an awesome way. The worst part is how plausible V's behaviour there seems.
I'll admit the plot turn of the Order ditching V didn't seem well-handled. I'd expect them to react in that sort of way if V had, say, tried to strangle one of them or blithely shot a Fireball at them with a creepy smile. Kicking V out immediately when he's only making them worried seems out of character, it would make more sense for them to confront him about it without kicking him out, and keep a close eye on him in the future. And of course, if they worry about V, then leaving him alone in the desert makes no sense at all.
But given that the focus of the story is the relationship between V and Haerta, rather than V and the Order, it doesn't bother me too much. There's probably just a more elegant way to have done it. I think a better way to cover it would be in a narrative by V set several weeks later, relating how they bothered him and intruded on his privacy and tried to help him while he kept acting more and more strangely until they decided to part ways for both their benefits. Something like that. As I said, since the relationship between V and the Order isn't the focus here, perhaps telling rather than showing would have been better for a change.
Don't let all that criticism put you off. :D I'm just trying to make my thoughts comprehensible.... XD It was an awesome story. :)