SCENE: A dimly lit hall, with several candle-lit tables scattered around. The entire cast of the Order of the Stick is gathered here, with a subtle yet recognisable line dividing the tables of Good and Evil characters. A stage with purple drapes occupies the front of the hall, upon which is a podium containing golden awards. Each award is shaped like the face of someone who deeply regrets reading the story they have foolishly clicked on.
Announcer: Ladies,gentlemen and beings of all alignments and planes, welcome to the very first Order of The Stick Crack Pairing Awards! That's right folks, it's time we honoured the twisted minds that provided such quality entertainment to the GiTP community and therapists with a reliable source of income. And now to introduce our hosts for the evening, Julio Scoundrel and Sabine the Succubus!
Julio and Sabine enter from opposite sides of the stage. Julio is wearing a very stylish tuxedo and a pirate's eyepatch. Sabine is wearing an extremely revealing dress with a plunging neckline deep enough to go through the floor.
Julio: Thanks for the warm welcome! I see my companion is looking as lovely as ever.
<winks>
: Well, we were both chosen as being representative of our alignments sex appeal. Julio, with a girlfriend in every city....
Julio: Village, town
and city!
<Team Good cheers in response to this>
: ...and then there's myself, winner of Miss Lower Planes for four years running!
<A huge cheer erupts from Team Evil and a sole female voice yelling “skank!” from Team Good>
Julio: So without further ado, let's start the awards. They will be broken up into three categories; authors, artists and characters. Forum posts are now open to accept votes for your favourites, with the categories being available for your viewing pleasure here:
http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showp...&postcount=610
: Our first award tonight is a Character award - “The Village Bike”. This much sought after trophy goes to the character that has starred in the most Crack Pairing stories and pictures. Cue the drumroll please....
: Easier said than done with drumsticks three times longer than you.
: And the winner is.....VAARSUVIUS!
Vaarsuvius enters from the right hand side of the stage. His expression is that of extreme distaste and grumpiness.
: This award fills me with embarassment and shame. I took precautions in the event of my being selected for this extremely dubious award and if you look in the brown envelopes provided on the tables, you will find a summarised version of my acceptance speech.
Holding the award, V leaves the stage as the envelopes are opened.
: Hey wait a minute – this is no acceptance speech. It's just a sheet of paper with the words “Explosive Runes”-
A smug smile appears on V's face as a series of explosions echo through the hall.
Julio: Nothing like a sore winner....
Sabine turns to look at the corner of the stage – someone is beckoning to her.
: Julio, sweetie, would you mind carrying on by yourself for a moment or two?
Sabine leaves the stage.
Julio: Umm, sure. Our next award is another Character category – the “Playa” award.
: I'm sure I've warned you people about using that word in my presence.
Julio: This award goes to a character that has managed to have a one-night stand with almost every single woman in the comic and treats them as little more than disposable pleasures. It gives me great pride to present the “Playa” award....
:
<growls>
Julio: ...to the Oracle of Sunken Valley!
Applause breaks out, followed by puzzled looks as the Oracle is nowhere to be seen.
Julio: Where is he?
Thumping sounds start coming from behind the stage followed by the sound of a woman's voice.
:...Yes....Yess......gimme that scaly loving, you orange stallion!
Julio:
<facepalm> And that seems as good a time as any to take a commercial break – remember to drop your votes in for your favourite Crack stories and Pictures and we'll be back in 10 minutes.
Oracle &
: 20 minutes!
…..
Originally Posted by MasamuneSSX
At long last, I give you the first part of the Squickies!
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
