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It hadn't taken long to find a Vox Unit. It just took awhile to actually get it working. It wasn't until Jurgen kicked it violently, as per the Cult of the Machine's usual rituals, that the radio set hummed to life. Commissar Cain had called in his location, and requested a Chimera Armored Personel Carrier to come pick him and his aide-de-camp up, and to bring fresh reinforcements to hold the line. The officer on the other end had informed him that they had no Chimeras or troops to spare, and he was frak out of luck. Upon mentioning that he'd captured an Eldar, Cain was rerouted through several command channels, and was eventually informed that he'd have a Chimera full of Storm Troopers within the hour.
"I'm quite the bargaining chip, aren't I?" V quiped with a mixture of sarcasm, venom, and unadmitted pride. She found it a bit silly that everything changed at the mentioning that she was something she was not. It insulted her that she had to be treated a prisoner, and no one wanted to let her know why. But she did enjoy the fact that everyone made such a fuss about her. Sure, it would probably cause her a lot of trouble and annoyance in the near future, but it was nice to be recognized for her powers and abilities.
"Yes. Yes, you are..." Cain smiled sheepishly. "My apologies for any insult, Miss... I'm sorry, I'm not sure I caught your name..." the Commissar mused, arching a tired eyebrow.
"Vaarsuvius," V replied with pride. She closed her eyes cheerfully, which caused her to miss the expression on Cain's face as he struggled not to be enthralled by her alluring voice receiting such a beautiful name. "Master of the Arcane, and Wizard for the Order of the Stick." A sudden thought crossed her mind. What was the Order up to right now, without her?
---
"Okay folks, lets make sure we've got this right..." Roy sighed, looking around the campfire at the rest of the Order. He then placed his finger on a clipboard he'd scribbled notes on. "V didn't cast any spells, right?"
"Aye," Durkon nodded. "She was just sittin' there, and she looked like he was about to make a joke."
"So not only is the group split, again, but I also missed a chance to make fun of the elf for sucking at humor?" Belkar growled, his annoyance growing into anger. "PISS!!"
"So he just dissappeared without warning..." Roy mused. "Well, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure you can't just summon people to your location with normal magic. I'm certain you can only send yourself to them..."
"But she didn't cast any teleportation spells!" Haley whined. "That's what doesn't make sense!"
"Didn't she say something about a constant-affect spell?" Elan suddenly looked up from the new clown puppet he was making. "That would zap him straight to your location?"
"But we're right here!" Haley and Belkar both growled.
"Aye," Durkon's eyes suddenly went wide. "But she said she cast the spell for anyone who fit your description!"
"So if two people who fell under the terms of what she cast the spell for found themselves in dire straights..." Roy closed his eyes, astounded by how much trouble this fully meant, "She'd be zapped straight to their location, wherever it may be."
Dead silence followed. Belkar was the first to finally speak. "PISS!!"
---
"Sooooo... Let me get this straight..." Cain scratched his chin, pondering deeply. Jurgen sat nearby, entering information into a data-slate. "You're from another plane of existance?"
"Indeed," Vaarsuvius nodded, matter-o-factly. "Or so I think..."
"Where everything is regulated and hinges on rules and "rolls" to determine the outcome of most actions?"
"You are correct, Mister Commissar."
"Actually, its Commissar Cain. At any rate... So you're a member of the Order of the Stick, a band of adventuring thieves, entertainers, warriors, holy men, and psychopaths?"
"Essentially..."
"And you're working together to close several portals which allow a world-eating force of Chaos entrance into your reality?"
"That is our current goal, yes."
"And there are several forces of evil standing in your way, trying to kill you, corrupt you, or otherwise stop you from saving existance?"
"Specifically, an army of goblinoid creatures, an undead abomination, traitorous humans, and people who take their faith to the extreme and beyond."
"Why does some of this sound oddly familiar?" Cain mused, removing his cap and scratching at his short dark hair. A sudden thought crossed Cain's mind. Vaarsuvius had used Warpcraft several times since she'd arrived - but she'd been near Jurgen when using some of it! Which was impossible, since Warpcraft was blocked out when in his viscinity! It nearly floored him as the depth of its meaning forced itself into his mind. He pointed at V, and then at Jurgen. "If you don't mind, please stand next to him."
V looked at Cain, and then at Jurgen, and then back at Cain. She wanted to protest, not because it was pointless, but because she didn't have a Fortitude Save to rely on. But she decided to just go along with it, to see what he was planning. She cautiously approached Jurgen, who didn't even seem to notice her inching closer. Finally, she stopped just within touching distance of the Imperial Guardsman, as that is as far as her nose would allow her to go without trying to secceed from her face. "Alright, Commissar," she stressed his title with a hint of sarcasm, having been slightly annoyed by his earlier correction, "Now what?"
"Do what you did earlier," Cain shrugged. "Clean your robes. Please," he added, not wanting to get immolated by a frakked-off Eldar.
Vaarsuvius arched an eyebrow, and then looked down at her feet. The hem of her robe was stained with mud, so she simply pointed down and made it spotless again with a mutterance of "Prestidigitation."
"Fascinating!" Cain gasped. She could still practice Warpcraft while in close proximity to Jurgen. Which should have been impossible, since Jurgen's existance as a Blank cancelled out Warp Energy within a certain range of himself. Which, by extension... meant she wasn't channeling the Warp. Or at least, that was the most logical explaination.
"If cheap parlor tricks are that shocking to you," Vaarsuvius sighed, "I'm worried to see what these Psykers and Inquisitors you speak about are capable of..."
---
"Okay, so let me get this straight..." Roy grumbled, slapping his forehead with the palm of his hand, "We've been at this for hours, and the best we've come up with... is... Elan, repeat it once again, just so I can fully grasp it."
"We find some people with the last names Bitterleaf and Starshine, and then push 'em off a cliff!" Elan grinned.
"Okay, seriously, Mister Nice Guy came up with that before I did?" Belkar growled angrily. "WHAT IS THIS, MY OWN PERSONAL HELL!?"
"Belkar has a point, sweetie..." Haley frowned. "That is kinda... Chaotic Evil."
"No, not at all!" Elan replied cheerfully. "It'll be perfect! V said she'd be summoned to save Miss Starshine and Mister Bitterleaf, so if we throw people with those names off of a cliff..."
"V will haf ta show up an' rescue them!" Durkon exclaimed. "That actu'lly makes sense, boy!"
"Yep!" Elan nodded happily. "And it'll be all dramatic, too! The perfect suspenceful moment - two innocent people falling to their deaths, and the hero showing up at the last second to save them! It'll be amazing!"
"I can't believe I'm saying this..." Roy groaned, rubbing his eyes to cope with the insanity, "But lets go with Elan's idea..."
"Looks like ol' Grandpaw Bitterleaf is going to be getting a visit at the retirement center," Belkar grinned fiendishly.
--- End Chapter 5 ---
I can throw the plot line out there, and maybe somebody will pick it up... Or I can just write it out, if you'd prefer.
Re: Crack Pairings 3 - 50% More Squick
