Suggestion for thread title: I am Holding an Elf by the Ears
(from Latin proverb - Auribus Teneo Lupum - if someone could translate it to Latin it would be even better. According to WikiAnswers, Latin for Elf is nympha, which is certainly appropriate for this thread.)
Auribus Teneo Nympham?
Apparently your mother was right - you are pretty smart. Good on you, girl!