Crack Pairings VII - Bring Bottled Water, Our Water is Spiked With Love Potion

[Water-Smurf]

Thanks. I thought regular robes were just too plain, so I added the skull. Which reminds me I need to add it when I get to finish that other sketch.

I thought it was a really nice touch. I may use it at some point, provided you don't mind.

You know, one part of me wants to follow her jaw down to the ground and repeatedly stutter "I am not worthy", but I love to receive critique, as it means that someone reads/looks at my stuff thoroughly and deems it worthy enough of being given help to get better. So, yes, please, I want critique.

It's mostly to do with characterization--in case no one has noticed, that's my specialty.

I was a little confused as to what was going on in the beginning and where everyone was throughout the piece, so I suggest adding in a couple of sentences to that effect. Something that establishes that Vaarsuvius is in a time stop with Redcloak frozen outside in the beginning, then says where she's going and where she left Reddy.

And Vaarsuvius isn't really the type to use colloquial language or swears--she would probably find them too crude, even when she was angry or stressed. Instead of 'shut up', she'd probably say 'silence.' And instead of 'bastard', she'd probably say 'monster.'

That being said...

"Not my daughter, you BASTARD!", the castress screamed.

I see what you did there. And I liked the reference. (Oh, and you don't need a comma if there's an exclamation point or a question mark.)

And Tiasal would probably fight harder for Xykon. It's true that he's like a father to her and he is all that she thinks would accept her, so she would try to protect him from this obviously high-powered threat. If she saw that Vaarsuvius didn't want to hurt her, she would keep standing in front of Xykon and try to attack. And if Xykon still was destroyed with the phylactery, she would have a much worse reaction. Instead of allowing her parents to hug her, she'd probably have an out-and-out psychotic breakdown.

Anything else, you have to try to pick up through reading, because those are little subtleties to writing and the rhythm of words that's hard to try to explain. Overall, I'm just flattered that you wrote anything about them and it's sparked an idea in my head for another one-shot...

True Ressurection.

Ah, thank you.

I'm just hoping either Redcloak or Xykon (I don't think the latter would be happy with her being drugged, either) finds out, either by noticing the withdrawal symptoms, or seeing the needle marks. Otherwise, it's way too easy for the Cleric to punish her by not giving her the dose she needs.

Oh, Xykon would be pissed. But Master is depending on the fact that Tiasal is reluctant to speak and is very independent--she won't tell anyone about it, and the drugs are a way for him to control kids who try to escape or who misbehave often.

They could possibly do with some more development that isn't from Tiasal's point of view, or at least being seen interacting with each other, not just her. They still don't quite feel like characters in their own right.

I want to do that, but how? If I did, then I would reveal what was going on back home.

Creepy. 0_o

I thought of Tiasal within Deirdre.

Great. Now I'm imagining a Karaoke night with all the OOTS characters. XD

I wonder what Xykon would sing.

When You're Evil by Voltaire. *ninja'd*