I feel that I am straight. However, due to how I look due to a rare diease that make sme look very ugly, most girls can't stand to look at me. I've been turned down by alot. I've been laughed at by even more. Lots of girls agree to date me, to only stand me up or show up with friends to laugh at the idiot who thought he had a chance.

Desperate for attention, I went to a friend, and made a move on him as I knew he was a sex addict and gay. We had acts. But it wasn't anything major.

Naturally when I met a girl online, who fell in love with me, I was very ... taken aback. I was confused. Noway. Even after exchanging photos, she still claimed she loved me, and she was the most attractive woman I've ever met. I went across country to meet her finally in person, and I finally, at 24 years old had my first kiss. But the three day stay there went like this. First day, she dropped me off at my hotel as she had to got to her dad for a dinner as he was also visiting from out of state. The next day was her graduation, and she had a big party with all her friends, along with a combined birthday party. She ignored me most of the party. It was a late party, and we went back to my hotel, where my first kiss was, in her car. She dropped me off and told me she'd met me in the morning. Morning comes, she picks me up, takes me out to breakfast, we go back to her house because her mom didn't want her to spend too much time with me, (She just turned 18). She spent her time across the living room, and between us was her mother, sister, mom's boyfriend, her aunt and her husband. She was texting someone, and ignoring me. She then took me back to the hotel, and went to see a movie with her first boyfriend. Next day she took me home.

A few weeks later, she came to stay with me for two weeks, and that's when I finally lost my manhood. However, she spent a good chunk of time ignoring me, or demanding stuff. I was lousy at the adult thing, as after a lifetime of just being by myself, I couldn't really get it to go to attention, just like with the boy. Eventally she announced her engagement to a guy she claimed was just like a brother to her. I felted lied too.

Problem is, I can't get up for any sex. I feel so... ugly, and unloved. I don't know what to do. I'm just a big freaking ugly loser that no person will ever love. I find woman very attractive, but also been in love with a guy, but dream and fantasy and get hard by pictures of naked girls. But even with a very attractive woman, it was hard to get up. She claims it was just because I was overthinking it. I knew she was disgusted by me. I don't know why she pretrended otherwise.

I don't know why I'm alive, if I can't even earn any woman's love. I want to be a father. But I doubt any agency would allow a single male that couldn't get a girlfriend to save God's life (If... he was threatened somehow) to adopt.

I just feel so alone, and unloved.