D&D Snippets

[Machuchang]

Typo?

Ooooh yeah... That's bad one.
At least it rhymes with the correct word...

I will admit, this bit - namely the 'keen' doesn't really make sense to me. Perhaps because the first thing it makes me think of is the idea of making a weapon keen to deal extra damage. But I'm not sure what you're trying to signify with it. The sound the blades made moving through the air? The fact that all Varen could think about was that the blades were keen and going to kill him? The writing is good, but I am not sure this was quite the right descriptive word to use here.

I would definitely have to agree with this one. It was supposed to be a sound effect, but I can definitely see what you mean. Even while writing it, it seemed kind of off, and you seem to have pinpointed it right there.

Now to just find a suitable replacement...

As for your story, I really enjoyed it! I loved how it was told from the mother's perspective, and I thought it gave a really interesting look into Lirrin's personality and background. I can't see how you could think that it wasn't great!

Pluses: does shed the light on your backstory, articulate, very appropriately horrific. A nice contrast between the serenity of the initial scene and the horror of what happened next. Serenity's hard, but you have it down in a few strokes, and that's good.

To me, that opening scene felt incredibly difficult to write, but it's great to hear that it went over well!

I hope you don't mind the extensive criticism - if you do (if anyone does, really), I'll keep quiet about stuff like that from now on. It's still an interesting read - I, too, have a soft spot (read: love-hate relationship) with paladins, and I really want to see where Varen goes from there, but right now it's a mish-mash of styles. And it's hard to keep quiet about it because I've already seen you do better.

Your criticism is excellent, so the more extensive the better! I really appreciate every piece of advice you've given me, and will try to incorporate it as best I can.

You really nailed the biggest problem I have with my writing with "mish-mash of styles" thing there, and I agree that in this work of mine it's especially prominent. I’ll definitely work on rewriting this one.

As for your story, I loved it, as usual. You really got me interested in your character, especially her personal history. I've never played WoD, and honestly don't know anything about it, but just reading your story really got me interested in it.


Pisha: That was simply amazing. Honestly, that’s probably one of my favorite snippets I’ve read so far. Keep up the good work!