Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

[THAC0]

i'd disagree - if you're significant other is doing something THAT upsetting then as adults you should be able to call them on it, and hold them accountable to their own actions

we're each responsible for how we act on our own feelings. If they choose to act on their insecurities by trying to control you rather than address their issues, its not going to be a healthy situation

And I shall respectfully disagree with this.

I will preface the rest of my comment with the fact that the current situation is clearly now quite different from what the original information might lead one to believe, and this comment is no longer directed at that situation, but is rather clarification for what I earlier posted.

When communicating, the goal is to convey your point of view to the other person while understanding their point of view. Phrasing something with "You" words comes off as accusatory, regardless of how it is intended. Saying the exact same thing with an "I" phrasing is less accusatory. Humans are humans, and if you feel like you are being accused of something, you are less likely to be open to understanding the actual issue and reaching a compromise.

Regardless of how upsetting the subject in question is, if you go into a discussion with the intent of "calling someone out" and making them realize that they are wrong... well, you'll run into issues. It's far more productive to go into a discussion with the intent of explaining the issue and finding a compromise.

Anyway, I think it's clear that this particular situation has gone far beyond the realms of difficulty in communication.

[Syka]

I'm not sure about this, but are there any military couples on here?

The Air Force has recently come on the table as a potential option for Oz in regards to filmmaking. It's not under serious consideration yet, but it's being talked about, particularly since his cousin and her husband are in town and he's pretty high rank evidently. He's going to be talking to Oz about it sometime this week.

Don't get me wrong, I support him whatever, honestly. I've done long distance and all before so that's not an issue. I'm just wondering how the military would make it different from a typical LDR (outside of the obvious changes during basic/AIT or if he should be deployed).

[THAC0]

I'm not sure about this, but are there any military couples on here?

The Air Force has recently come on the table as a potential option for Oz in regards to filmmaking. It's not under serious consideration yet, but it's being talked about, particularly since his cousin and her husband are in town and he's pretty high rank evidently. He's going to be talking to Oz about it sometime this week.

Don't get me wrong, I support him whatever, honestly. I've done long distance and all before so that's not an issue. I'm just wondering how the military would make it different from a typical LDR (outside of the obvious changes during basic/AIT or if he should be deployed).

I'm actually an air force wife undergoing the first deployment currently. Feel free to PM me with any questions. I've never been long distance outside of the military context, so I'm not sure how it would be different from non-military long distance.

[snoopy13a]

Last time I tried breaking up with him, he threatened suicide and told a bunch of nasty lies to my parents about what I've been doing.

Based on your above posts about him, I think you should:

1) Dump him now. Being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally controlling can be dangerous. Quite frankly, he sounds like the type of person who could be physically abusive in the future.

2) Tell him to never contact you again and that if he does, you will consider it harassment and go to the authorities for a restraining order.

[Alair Koraius]

Alright, Alair. You can do this.

So, I'm having an issue, maybe I just wanna rant, maybe I wanna get some feedback, maybe both.

Where to begin...

Spoiler

Show

So, I realized today that I'm in a relationship only because she says: "I couldn't live without you." And I believe it, not because of me being X, Y and Z awesome, because I'm not, but because she's taken on me as sort of an obsession. She gets depressed when I don't contact her for any amount of time past 4 hours, she says I'm the only thing keeping her sane, she feels the need to tell me every hour or so that she misses me... Hell, I've heard her cry when she thought that I was angry at her, although I wasn't.

And why does everyone think that being clingy is a turn-on? Is it for most people? Because it's my biggest turn-off. I like cuddles, but get to the point of clingy, sometimes a fine line, and it's just annoying (most of the time, some guys I know could make it work [and I wish they would, with me, though. Not their SOs. >.>]

Anyhow, I like her, love her even, but as a friend, as a close friend. Not as a lover, and not enough to make the huge commitment I see dating as. Also, she's attractive, but I'm getting more and more annoyed by the small things, ever since I realized I wasn't with her because I wanted to be. I still say: "I love you" but am trying to resist (mostly successfully) male stupidity when it comes to... Yeah.

I'm being called back to the Alternity game now, I'll post later, Thanks for letting me rant, sorry for being such a romantically inept little-****.

[Syka]

You need to end it and if you are worried about her safety, tell her parents or an authority figure so they can keep an eye on her.

It's hard, but it's not fair to either of you to keep it up when it's just a sham.

[skywalker]

I'm sorry, the forum ate my posts. I think that might be for the best.

I'm sorry for how I responded earlier, it was too much. I don't respond very well to sarcasm.

That being said, here's what I think, in a more rational statement.

I generally think, if there is a past reason, that there should be compromise working to where all parties are fine with it (ie, able to hang out with whomever whenever). If you have past issues, such as being cheated on by a previous partner or current partner, I don't think it's unreasonable to find a middle ground you are both comfortable and work up to where you are fine.

You can't force it from 0 to 60 though. It's a process. It has been with me but it's also gotten better and stuff has been stepped up.



That said, knowing how he appears to have manipulated the relationship, you need to end it. It's not healthy for either party. If there was no emotional abuse, I'd say you were both being equally immature. I still think you are both being immature (him with his "waah I'll kill myself" stuff and you with your "screw your feelings, I just care about me, but I'm still going to stay with you even though I know what I want to do hurts you", which is what hanging out with said attractive friend is doing).

But you need to leave Zarr, seriously. Leave.

Cheers~

This is exactly what I said.

...Not outside of Saudi Arabia. You've admitted what your expectations are, skywalker, but I'm going to join with the others and say that what you expect out of a relationship is out of line, inappropriate, and inherently destructive.

I don't appreciate your tone, and I really don't see how my expectations are unreasonable. How is: "I don't like it when you hang out with that guy who really likes you, especially knowing that you've hurt me in the past," unreasonable? In my own personal case, it's not that I even expect her to not (she did, and we're still together), it's that doing something like that is clearly at odds with my feelings, which I think shows a lack of respect for them. I don't require that my SOs ignore their other friends, or only hang out with me. I require that they respect my feelings, and if that means not hanging out in limited situations with another person, then so be it. I have done the same for my own SOs.

That hurt, tho. It really did.

[Zeb The Troll]

...Not outside of Saudi Arabia. You've admitted what your expectations are, skywalker, but I'm going to join with the others and say that what you expect out of a relationship is out of line, inappropriate, and inherently destructive.

I hardly think saying "I'm a short-leasher" is admitting to being a control freak or being manipulative. In fact, I think that being able to realize that about himself and be aware of it can make having a relationship in general easier. They can get it out in the open early and if she's not okay with it, they can go their separate ways with no harm done. Fact is, there are people who would be okay with dating someone who wants to go everywhere they go.

I submit this as well, if you feel you need to spend time with someone without your SO, you might want to examine why this is. I understand spending time with friends. I understand the need to not be suffocated by an overbearing presence. What I don't understand is the need to actively avoid your SO, even for short periods. If you feel this way, you should probably examine your relationship.

Zarr, I propose that the reason you want to spend time with people NOT your SO is because you don't actually want to be in a relationship with him, based on what I've read so far. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. If I'm not, you need to follow the advice proffered many times before me already and get out of it. If you genuinely are concerned for his well being, tell someone who will look after him when you leave but don't let that be the thing that's keeping you. In the long run, it will never work. Also, you're in Stillwater, do you know my sister? She looks like me but with longer hair.

I'm just wondering how the military would make it different from a typical LDR (outside of the obvious changes during basic/AIT or if he should be deployed).

I'm not currently part of a military couple, obviously, but I have been and I have known many. Overall, I'd say that there isn't much of a difference. There are some notable things to be aware of, however. First, you may not know exactly when your military partner will be leaving or returning. It's not frequent but sometimes things come up short notice and you'll not have a lot of time to prepare to be without them for a while. Second, you'll not always know when you'll be able to talk to him while he's gone and sometimes you'll not be able to just pick up the phone and call.

Something you'll want to think about if he does begin to seriously consider joining is making your relationship more definite, so to speak. Last I heard you two had tossed about the possibility of the "M" word but had no real plans to make it happen anytime soon. Would that change if he were to decide to join (so that you could go with him on Uncle Sam's nickel)? Would that affect his decision?

[Alair Koraius]

Bracing for s**tstorm.

So, of course, she finds my post as I'm trying to figure out if I truly feel that way or not.

She's not even a user of the board.

We spoke about it, and now we're gonna try the whole not-dating thing.

All I know it it's gonna hurt like a bitch when she finds a guy she likes, but that'll be jealousy, and not genuine feelings of affection returning.

[RabbitHoleLost]

Bracing for s**tstorm.

So, of course, she finds my post as I'm trying to figure out if I truly feel that way or not.

She's not even a member of the board.

We spoke about it, and now we're gonna try the whole not-dating thing.

All I know it it's gonna hurt like a bitch when she finds a guy she likes, but that'll be jealousy, and not genuine feelings of affection returning.

...if she found your post, not knowing that you're a Playgrounder and not being a Playgrounder, a red flag goes up in my mind.
Its good you're no longer in a relationship you had no wish to be in, and, hopefully, the both of you will move on to have healthy relationships.

[Coidzor]

That's pretty messed up... I mean, I'm missing out on some details here of how she found it, but off hand... pretty bad sounding for the both of you.

Not sure if it's just loneliness or what, but I keep thinking about my ex, especially since she's now in China. And not just because I found her shirt. Very odd.

And no, I'm not gonna burn the shirt, I just was wondering if I was right to be a bit leery of how eager they were to burn it or if that was a usual reaction to the news. I'm just gonna hang on to it until she gets back and give it back to her then, is only a few months anyway. Until ...Month after May, June? whatever.

[Serpentine]

Huh. I was gonna say, "if you are not in love with her and she thinks you are, you need to tell her asap lest you make it hurt all the more, speaking from experience!" but it seems that's been taken care of. Bummer, for both of you. Could be for the best, though. Good luck with it - both of you.

[Syka]

Zeb, I'm not sure about the whole marriage thing. I did tell him that if he wants me to travel with him (something he's mentioned previously in regards to his desired career path) that we'd have to be married, since there is no way I could do it alone and military isn't keen on just 'dating' couples traveling together. It wouldn't just be a "Oh, you're going into the military, lets get married now!" thing either. My school decision, etc would still factor into it, since our graduate education was one of the main reasons we were holding off.

He's also been reluctant to talk about the future in regards to our relationship for the last couple months (we have, but it's just been very briefly). It has to do with the fact that his friend, whose only a couple years older than us, just lost his wife (our age) and 7 month old in a car accident right before Christmas. I don't really blame him, to be honest.

[Pyrian]

I hardly think saying "I'm a short-leasher" is admitting to being a control freak or being manipulative.

Of course it is. That's what "leash" means. A merely close relationship does not involve - let alone require - instruments of dominance.

Fact is, there are people who would be okay with dating someone who wants to go everywhere they go.

Wants to, sure. Has to or else will suffer an emotional breakdown and punish the other person for their digression, not so much.

I submit this as well, if you feel you need to spend time with someone without your SO, you might want to examine why this is. I understand spending time with friends. I understand the need to not be suffocated by an overbearing presence. What I don't understand is the need to actively avoid your SO, even for short periods. If you feel this way, you should probably examine your relationship.

You say you understand, yet you persist in conflating extremely dissimilar concepts. While a couple can choose to align their schedules to be together all the time (although in modern lives this is extremely wrenching and frequently nigh-well impossible - to me the extreme costs far outweighs any benefit, but I have friends who've done it, with some notably absurd results). Not insisting on such an extreme and unusual arrangement does not constitute actively avoiding your partner.

[xPANCAKEx]

and also - just because you occasionally choose to spend time apart from each other, it doesn't mean you've got any issues that need to be examined. Infact, if you feel you need to constantly be with your partner, as you believe time apart from them would indicate a problem, then i would offer that you may have some insecurity issues of your own to deal with

last time i was in a relationship with someone special, sure i sometimes wanted to spend a lot of time with her, but i realised doing so would be at the detriment of all my other relationships. These other relationships (friends/family/commitments) should not be viewed as a threat, and therefore theres no need to moniter them or have them supervised - and that works both ways. Just because either you, or your SO wants some alone-time with friends doesn't mean theres anything to worry about, and just because you're dating someone, it doesn't give you the right to intrude on these personal relationships - its an invite only sorta deal. Dating someone does not grant instant or continual co-ownership to any friendships they may have.

i think pyrians already pointed out the disparity in some posters ideas, so i won't go on any longer

[Syka]

OK, he's pretty much decided he's not going to do it. Almost his whole family that we saw tonight is trying to talk him into doing it, his dad being the lone voice of dissent. I wasn't going to throw my hat in with my decision, because I wanted it to be HIS, not something he did for me.

On the way home though, we talked about it and he said he really doesn't want to unless all other options are exhausted. He also let me know how pressured he was feeling, like he was disappointing everyone (since he's 23, almost 24, and only now getting his AA). I explained my view on it and told him I'm going to be against it, now that I know his feelings fully.

So we only have his dad, me, and my mom openly against him enlisting. :\


Oh, yeah. I met his cousin, her husband, and their two kids today. Absolutely adorable kids (even though the 17 month old had chickenpox). But of course, we got the "So, when are you guys going to have kids?" question from his Aunt. I don't think he heard, but I did and I couldn't stop laughing; all I could do was shake my head no.

His extended family already basically has us married with kids (even his cousin mentioned us being able to travel if he goes military, which would mean marriage). I know it's to be expected, but still. The marriage questions I can handle, the kids ones are pushing it since people don't react well to being told you don't want any.

[Coidzor]

It's usually taken to mean "I don't want kids now, but am open to renegotiation as soon as my biological clock and marriage kick in." Seem to worry an awful lot about his family for having lived so far away for so long.

*shrug* You certainly have sounded at times that marriage would merely be a formality, but I can sympathize with your annoyance at feeling pressured into the idea. That was my biggest problem with it whenever my girlfriends would bring it up....


Side note: Should one laugh at the silliness of it or be amazed at how blatantly offensive it was to be rejected based upon, of all things, eye color?

I went with recommending both, just to be on the safe side.

[skywalker]

Of course it is. That's what "leash" means. A merely close relationship does not involve - let alone require - instruments of dominance.

Unless the word leash was being used figuratively. Or as a joke. Like it probably was. I have a friend who, every time he sees us, congratulates my girlfriend on my being "off-leash" and how I must be doing very well with my training to get to that point. It's a joke.

More seriously, I suppose that when it comes right down to it, there is only one person involved. There is no true control over another person in any relationship, only that which is granted. For me, that is to say, I ask "Honey, please don't be hanging around with other men who you've expressed an attraction to and who I know are attracted to you." In the most specific of words, that's me asking her to shorten her own leash. Because I obviously can do nothing truly to prevent it. But this is what I meant in calling myself a "short-leasher." I'm really sorry you misunderstood

You say you understand, yet you persist in conflating extremely dissimilar concepts. While a couple can choose to align their schedules to be together all the time (although in modern lives this is extremely wrenching and frequently nigh-well impossible - to me the extreme costs far outweighs any benefit, but I have friends who've done it, with some notably absurd results). Not insisting on such an extreme and unusual arrangement does not constitute actively avoiding your partner.

I think you've missed the point. If I'm not mistaken, the idea was that actively seeking time alone with someone else without your partner seems a bit strange. I can't speak for Zeb, but personally I don't want my position mischaracterized. It's not that I expect that insistence or actually enjoy it, I understand enjoying alone time away from your partner. But a partner is a partner, and working together while respecting each other's feelings is very important.

And pancake, while I don't think all relationships should be viewed as a threat, I think there are certain times when certain relationships should be. To not view certain relationships as a threat to your continued relationship stability would be asinine.

[Zeb The Troll]

Of course it is. That's what "leash" means. A merely close relationship does not involve - let alone require - instruments of dominance.

I respectfully disagree. He's just using a metaphor that someone else came up with to acknowledge insecurities, which can be dealt with.

Wants to, sure. Has to or else will suffer an emotional breakdown and punish the other person for their digression, not so much.

At no point did he or I imply or infer that he is the same kind of person as the person Zarr is having trouble with. He did not say "I use my insecurities as a tool to control my partner." He said that he gets nervous if his partner insists on spending alone time with someone they may be attracted to and would rather she didn't. This is hardly unreasonable or unheard of with someone who's been hurt that way before. (Special note, I am not justifying what is happening to Zarr. He is not handling his insecurities in an appropriate manner. I join everyone else in feeling that needs to end and the sooner the better.)

You say you understand, yet you persist in conflating extremely dissimilar concepts.

I fail to see how I'm combining any dissimilar ideas. Perhaps you can rudely expound on this as well as your other "my way or the highway" ideals.

While a couple can choose to align their schedules to be together all the time (although in modern lives this is extremely wrenching and frequently nigh-well impossible - to me the extreme costs far outweighs any benefit, but I have friends who've done it, with some notably absurd results). Not insisting on such an extreme and unusual arrangement does not constitute actively avoiding your partner.

Such an arrangement is hardly extreme and/or unusual at all. Thinking of the people I know personally right now, the only ones who do not at least try to include their SO's in most parts of their lives are, in fact, either cheating on their SO's, or, in one peculiar case, they are swingers. I don't mean to say that anyone who doesn't is contemplating or complicit in infidelity. I just mean that it's hardly "nigh-well impossible" to do so.

Alarra and I would have to go out of our way to not be in each other's presence outside of me going to work. And it has nothing to do with insecurities on either part. She's joined a writing group that I don't attend, because I'm not interested. If I were interested, however (or I were nervous), I would be welcome to come along. What's so hard about that? If my presence were so nettlesome to her that she had to get away for a couple of hours each week, we'd probably discover that we shouldn't be together at all.

and also - just because you occasionally choose to spend time apart from each other, it doesn't mean you've got any issues that need to be examined. Infact, if you feel you need to constantly be with your partner, as you believe time apart from them would indicate a problem, then i would offer that you may have some insecurity issues of your own to deal with

Again with the putting words in my mouth. I didn't say "choose". I said "need". There is a very distinct difference between "I want to spend time with Friend" and "I want to be away from You". Wanting to spend time with Friend probably doesn't mean anything more than that and should be taken at face value normally. Wanting to avoid your SO is something you may want to examine. By examine, I do not mean there is something inherently wrong. I mean that you may want to consider the reasons why you want to be away. If you do and you determine that what you're feeling does is not rooted in not wanting to be in the relationship, then that's that. I agree with you, however, that if you feel a need to be always within three paces of your partner or you start having doubts and panic attacks you should probably be introspective there too.

last time i was in a relationship with someone special, sure i sometimes wanted to spend a lot of time with her, but i realised doing so would be at the detriment of all my other relationships. These other relationships (friends/family/commitments) should not be viewed as a threat, and therefore theres no need to moniter them or have them supervised - and that works both ways. Just because either you, or your SO wants some alone-time with friends doesn't mean theres anything to worry about, and just because you're dating someone, it doesn't give you the right to intrude on these personal relationships - its an invite only sorta deal. Dating someone does not grant instant or continual co-ownership to any friendships they may have.

I'd have to ask, though. Why would you not invite your SO to be involved in those other relationships? There are valid reasons, to be sure, but that's part of the examining. If your answer is "because SO doesn't get along with my family/friends" then you've got a valid reason that does not question your feelings towards them. But if your answer is "because I don't want them there" then maybe there's something you're not admitting to yourself. This is not a bad thing. It's perfectly fine to realize that you don't actually want to be in your relationship any more. It's far better to realize it early and part ways as amicably as possible than it is to let it go on for several years and have it end in an explosion of emotions.

[Syka]

It's usually taken to mean "I don't want kids now, but am open to renegotiation as soon as my biological clock and marriage kick in." Seem to worry an awful lot about his family for having lived so far away for so long.

*shrug* You certainly have sounded at times that marriage would merely be a formality, but I can sympathize with your annoyance at feeling pressured into the idea. That was my biggest problem with it whenever my girlfriends would bring it up....


Side note: Should one laugh at the silliness of it or be amazed at how blatantly offensive it was to be rejected based upon, of all things, eye color?

I went with recommending both, just to be on the safe side.

I've actually been called selfish when I've mentioned that I either don't want or don't think I want kids. Or I get that annoying patronizing smile like "Oh, you'll change your mind..." Part of me was actually kind of happy to know endometriosis (doctors and I all think I have it) has about a 50/50 chance of infertility. Those questions are easier to deflect with "I can't" than "I don't want".

And while I'd like to get married for various logistical reasons in the future, it's not one of those pressing needs or even a deal breaker for me. I just don't like people butting into our relationship unasked.

I know why they do it- all his cousins by his mom's sister are married with kids, at least one of whom started around our age. And it's his Aunt and Uncle who've mentioned it, not even his parents. His mom's sister and her husband have actually lived down here longer than he has (they are, like, a 10 minute drive away), his parents have been here a couple years now, and although the cousin currently visiting is on vacation from Germany, his other cousin (the one who started around our age) only lives a couple hours away.


And I'd go with both. I'd laugh but also be confused as to why one would use that excuse. oO

[xPANCAKEx]

Side note: Should one laugh at the silliness of it or be amazed at how blatantly offensive it was to be rejected based upon, of all things, eye color?

I went with recommending both, just to be on the safe side.

amazed - physical attraction is not exactly something you can explain. If they went onto date someone with the same colour eyes afterwards, then i'd move onto being offended

I respectfully disagree. He's just using a metaphor that someone else came up with to acknowledge insecurities, which can be dealt with.
At no point did he or I imply or infer that he is the same kind of person as the person Zarr is having trouble with. He did not say "I use my insecurities as a tool to control my partner." He said that he gets nervous if his partner insists on spending alone time with someone they may be attracted to and would rather she didn't. This is hardly unreasonable or unheard of with someone who's been hurt that way before. (Special note, I am not justifying what is happening to Zarr. He is not handling his insecurities in an appropriate manner. I join everyone else in feeling that needs to end and the sooner the better.)

Thats all fair and well - and in part i actually agree that it might be ok to feel nervous in such a situation. But you should have the trust to let them go and do it anyway

I'd have to ask, though. Why would you not invite your SO to be involved in those other relationships? There are valid reasons, to be sure, but that's part of the examining. If your answer is "because SO doesn't get along with my family/friends" then you've got a valid reason that does not question your feelings towards them. But if your answer is "because I don't want them there" then maybe there's something you're not admitting to yourself. This is not a bad thing. It's perfectly fine to realize that you don't actually want to be in your relationship any more. It's far better to realize it early and part ways as amicably as possible than it is to let it go on for several years and have it end in an explosion of emotions.

I've always viewed entry into your SO's social circle as a privelidge activity rather than a right. I just never felt the need to include any of my SOs in every aspect of my life, nor have i felt that if they chose not to include me in certain parts of their life it would be an diservice to me. If one of their friends invites them out somewhere, that invite doesn't neccisarily extend to me, nor when i invite a friend out will it mean that im also inviting my SO. I fail to see anything unhealthy about that, or anything emblematic of a problem in a relationship

That said - the girls/women i've ever become involved with to the point it could be viewed as serious also had busy social lives of their own as well.

[averagejoe]

She called and we're on for coffee tomorrow. So that's neat. Knew it would come out fine. Never had doubts for a second.

Edit: I just remembered, I don't typically drink coffee. I can work around that, I think. Haha.

[sktarq]

Edit: I just remembered, I don't typically drink coffee. I can work around that, I think. Haha.

Tea? If it comes in a pot it can be very good date material....so can hot chocolate (makes people think of cuddling up together) and hot cider.

[xPANCAKEx]

She called and we're on for coffee tomorrow. So that's neat. Knew it would come out fine. Never had doubts for a second.

Edit: I just remembered, I don't typically drink coffee. I can work around that, I think. Haha.

i second tea or go for juice if they serve it

but going for coffee is usually about the conversation you have over it, not the beverage you choose for it - so don't stress out too much over your liquid refreshment of choice

[averagejoe]

i second tea or go for juice if they serve it

but going for coffee is usually about the conversation you have over it, not the beverage you choose for it - so don't stress out too much over your liquid refreshment of choice

I'm not stressing out. That was more of a, "I thought this comment would be a good idea because I haven't slept in over 24 hours," moment than me looking for advice.

I appreciate it anyways, though.

I'll probably end up with lemonade or something, if the weather holds out. It suddenly stopped being cloudy/rainy today, and is altogether too gorgeous for hot drinks.

[skywalker]

I've actually been called selfish when I've mentioned that I either don't want or don't think I want kids. Or I get that annoying patronizing smile like "Oh, you'll change your mind..." Part of me was actually kind of happy to know endometriosis (doctors and I all think I have it) has about a 50/50 chance of infertility.

If you do turn out to be infertile, don't let that get the better of you when it comes to prevention. Because my girlfriend's mom was supposed to be infertile, too. And then one day, my girlfriend happened

[Syka]

If you do turn out to be infertile, don't let that get the better of you when it comes to prevention. Because my girlfriend's mom was supposed to be infertile, too. And then one day, my girlfriend happened

Well, seeing how the Pill is what's keeping the cramps (main symptom of endo) at bay...I don't forsee that being an issue. Actually, the fact I'd have to go off the Pill if I ever wanted to get pregnant was one reason I've been thinking I don't want to have biological children...my cramps can be debilitating.

But yeah, my boyfriend was another miracle baby so I feel ya.

[Zarrexaij]

For clarification: I genuinely care about the person I'm dating, it's just reached a point where I feel the person I've dated has repeatedly ignored and marginalized my feelings. When I try to talk to him, all he does is argue and try to tell me how WRONG I am. He refuses to see anything that isn't his way, and, well, I get tired of him being insensitive and selfish like that, so I start doing the same thing. I don't see how he can expect things to always go his way... he never wants to negotiate. Ever. Not once has he negotiated for me; I've had to repeatedly bend over backwards for him. Better yet, when I bring up problems, he tells me I just pull them out of my ass to multiply our problems.

I just can't take it anymore.

[Player_Zero]

I just can't take it anymore.

So... What advice do you want here? If you can't take it any more then don't take it anymore.

The way in which you have presented this relationship seems to indicate that they won't ever trust or respect you enough to make any sort of compromise in any specific instance and he appears to know that this is the case.

Granted that this may be a little of an exaggeration on your part or misinterpretation on mine, but caring for someone is one thing but doesn't this boil down to either doing nothing orconfronting him about it, and possibly ending the relationship if he doesn't concede any fault.

If he isn't going to stop acting in a manner which you can't abide and normal communication has failed you could either try something more drastic in order to get him to see the error of his ways or you can just end it. I don't see any particular alternative here.

[Zarrexaij]

It's more or less of a "I have no one to talk in real life (that I can talk to without creating a massive ****storm ) so I use the internet as my outlet." At this point, I'm not really seeking advice anymore... I've expressed how unhappy I am with this relationship and it doesn't seem to bug him in the least, so there's pretty much only two options left.

I hate not having any friends beyond that one person. I feel safe with them, and I feel they understand me, so I tend to want to talk to them. Although, as of late I have reason to think said friend has gone out of his way to avoid me on Facebook, so... I don't really have anyone to talk to anymore.