Relationship Woes and Advice, The Seventh Saga

[The Rose Dragon]

Oops. Typo.

Too lazy to edit now.

I was actually gonna say "slower", which would make no sense since it's reaction time.

But yeah, that's it.

[Syka]

I forgot to add, any inhibitions I have are there for a good reason and I don't want them going away because the aftermath would be icky.

[Felixaar]

I forgot to add, any inhibitions I have are there for a good reason and I don't want them going away because the aftermath would be icky.

This stands for me, too.

But, I don't think we really want to delve into morals and ethics and how they effect the activities we do and don't choose to participate in. So, thanks everyone for all your helpful advice - I'm sure I'll put together some sort of dastardly plan that works out for me. But, lets get back to other things before this turns into "what happens when you're drunk" thread.

Unless, you know, that's the problem.

[DrizztFan24]

Time for some fun, or not. My prom date/girlfriend/??? just informed me that she is unable to attend. So now with less than two weeks to go I am a stag. I am not entirely sure what to say or do...but this seemed like a ncie place to vent/work through it.

[xPANCAKEx]

go anyway - take a female friend who hasn't got a 'date' yet. As long as its just a friendly outing it shouldn't cause any conflict with your 'girlfriend'

although why is it a grey area? All early days?

[DrizztFan24]

Well she's a "girlfriend" because we were nearly dating for awhile...then she grounded for one thing or another. I never get told what. She's a good girl and she never leaves the house, so what in the world could she be doing to cause he to be on unofficial house arrest for three weeks?! I don't know if her parents are trying to seclude her from me or just the world or what....apparently I'm their favorite boy though...and only one of two. The first one got her grounded for 6 months. The didn't even meet up..they just talked their minutes away. Her mother is kind of psycho though. After she got her hair highlighted with a dark carmel color her mom told her, to her face, that she looked like a slut for altering herself. Sorry but in my book that is just wrong. Flat out wrong. I guess her mom is trying to protect me from her own daughter?

And what to you mean about all early days? Elucidation requested.

[skywalker]

2 - It just doesnt feel right to me. I've never seen any case wherein alcohol improves a situation, I don't enjoy the taste, and the bonuses - loss of inhibitions etc, don't effect me (I don't have inhibitions). In general, it's just not my cup of irish tea. I'd appreciate if we didn't get into it though, since I'm sure plenty of people have viable counter arguements, but they're going to fall on deaf ears. Not for me.

Now, see, the thing is, I don't want to argue with you. But it seems like you're taking a moral stand here, while I don't see any morals. It's not about religion, you don't think you have inhibitions... What's the point of not having one beer, besides pissing your brothers off? I understand not wanting to get wasted, but one beer barely loosens the tongue. It seems to me to be a railing against a cultural custom for no better reason than to have a crusade for something. What do you gain from not having 1 beer?

Serp, I'm sorry if I remotely offended, it was completely tongue-in-cheek. I love Australians. I know Steve Irwin isn't representative of all Australians, but just as an example, someone reminded me of his death today and I had to stop and cry for a bit. I'd love to live in a culture where the main question for the wedding is "do we have enough beer?" The only thing is... It's so far away!

[Serpentine]

The threatened having a go-at, had it occured, would also have been tongue in cheek, and the lamentation was far more directed at our own alcohol-soaked culture than at you


Flix, if you don't want to drink, then don't. However, I caution you against getting self-righteous or judgemental about it. You don't like it, they do like it. That's that. Aside from that, I rail passionately against deciding you don't like something without even trying it... But that's it. And also, contrary to popular belief here in Aus, it is possible to enjoy an alcoholic beverage without actually getting pished, or even tipsy.

[Syka]

It's really funny how everytime I've mentioned I don't like alcohol someone invariably responds, "Well, have you tried beer?!" (not here, seriously has happened EVERY time in real life) oo' No but it's ALCOHOL I don't like, not the flavoring. Bailey's is pretty good until the after taste, a Malibu with Pineapple the same. But I don't like the taste of alcohol and I can always taste it afterwards. Same, worse actually, with wine and champagne.

Not a moral thing, just avoiding what I don't like the taste of- like how I avoid canned peas or ripe bananas. That's what I thought Felix meant. I mean, why have a beer just to have a beer if you don't like the taste of alcohol?

[Serpentine]

Sorry to do another "have you tried...", but when you had Baileys, did you have it with milk and ice? I love it like that... Hardly alcoholy at all, too.
I will say that alcohol is definitely an acquired taste, and I still don't like really strong drinks. On the other hand, I've discovered that I much prefer the taste of soft drink, now, if it has, say, vodka in it.
Also, why is beer the first one they go for?

[Felixaar]

Serp, thanks, I'll do my best and like I said, I do bend my rule a little for those occasions and so I have actually tried alcohol. I don't enjoy it, I much preferr me diet sodas.

DrizztFan, discuss with your gal what is appropriate for you to do in the situation and don't go above it. She might want you to just steer clear of other girls there, or she might be fine with you taking a friend - either way. And if she's too controlling you might want to note that down.

[Syka]

Serp, yup. I'm sensitive to certain tastes- alcohol and artificial sweetners seem to be my main ones. It wasn't a strong taste of alcohol, but it was there. That, added to my not wanting to spend 6 bucks a drink nor feeling like getting tipsy kind of negated any reason to drink- since I neither enjoyed it nor wanted it for inhibition purposes.

[Zeb The Troll]

I used to be one of those jerks that tries to push people to drink. I don't know why. By about 25 I'd realized that I was being a jerk when I was doing that and I stopped and also tried to intervene on other people's behalf when someone else tried. So, Felix, keep politely declining and eventually they'll bore of it, I predict.

To those that have made the decision not to drink, however, I'd recommend staying away from telling people it's because you don't like the taste. The natural response to that is "have you tried ...?" It's an easy opening and even those that don't feel the inclination to push tend feel like if that's your only objection then there's likely to be something that won't offend your tastebuds (although I agree, beer is not likely to be that thing and I can never understand why people start there).

Something you can do, sometimes, to keep people off your back, is to fake it. If you're in a bar situation or a party where the mixers and the liquor are flowing freely, poor yourself a coke or an orange juice and just tell people it's got rum or vodka in it to get them off your back. Alternatively, actually get a mixed drink and carry it around but don't drink it. If your friends are into the frivolity, they may not notice that your drink never empties.

[xPANCAKEx]

Well she's a "girlfriend" because we were nearly dating for awhile...then she grounded for one thing or another. I never get told what. She's a good girl and she never leaves the house, so what in the world could she be doing to cause he to be on unofficial house arrest for three weeks?! I don't know if her parents are trying to seclude her from me or just the world or what....apparently I'm their favorite boy though...and only one of two. The first one got her grounded for 6 months. The didn't even meet up..they just talked their minutes away. Her mother is kind of psycho though. After she got her hair highlighted with a dark carmel color her mom told her, to her face, that she looked like a slut for altering herself. Sorry but in my book that is just wrong. Flat out wrong. I guess her mom is trying to protect me from her own daughter?

And what to you mean about all early days? Elucidation requested.

re: "early days" - at the start of many relationships, i've known a fair few couples to go through a period of uncertainty of what to actually call each other. They've usually never had a conversation about it, so don't want to use a term that the other person might object too... so i was just trying to get a handle on the situation so best to advise you

If her parents have met you, as seems to be suggested by them calling you their favourite boy, maybe a direct plea would help. Go over there and ask if its ok to take her to the prom - couldn't hurt.

Also - definately find out why she got grounded. If shes unwilling to tell you, its something to 'note down' as felixaar would put it

[snoopy13a]

To those that have made the decision not to drink, however, I'd recommend staying away from telling people it's because you don't like the taste. The natural response to that is "have you tried ...?" It's an easy opening and even those that don't feel the inclination to push tend feel like if that's your only objection then there's likely to be something that won't offend your tastebuds (although I agree, beer is not likely to be that thing and I can never understand why people start there).

Something you can do, sometimes, to keep people off your back, is to fake it. If you're in a bar situation or a party where the mixers and the liquor are flowing freely, poor yourself a coke or an orange juice and just tell people it's got rum or vodka in it to get them off your back. Alternatively, actually get a mixed drink and carry it around but don't drink it. If your friends are into the frivolity, they may not notice that your drink never empties.

Outside of some mixed drinks, alcohol is an acquired taste. No one likes beer the first time they try it, just like no one likes coffee the first time. Beer and any wine of at least decent quality takes a little time to appreciate. So, when someone tells a beer drinker that they don't like the taste, the beer drinker believes that the person can develop an appreciation for it.

I've done the fake it once before. It was at a family party and a couple of cousins were planning to get throughly plastered (drinking straight from the bottle type of drinking). For some reason, I wasn't interested in drinking that particular night (maybe because I didn't feel like puking my guts out along with them) so when asked I said that my ginger ale was a whisky and ginger ale.

I'm a beer person anyway (I'll drink wine with dinner and gin drinks [martinis and gin & tonics] on occasion). I can't appreciate the difference between a good vodka/whisky/scotch and the ones that come in plastic bottles so I see no point for myself to drink hard liquor straight up unless the goal is to get drunk. However, I can have a beer or two (or a glass or two of wine) and enjoy myself responsibly.

[Mr. Mud]

Okay, I bring good and bad news on the relationship front..:

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Firstly, me and said girl, from before (I'll add a quote of that in a edit in a bit...) are getting a lot closer... like, a lot closer... she really means the world to me now. But that's not without a downside...

I have serious trust issues from past relationships, and things that go on in my 'home'. And it's hard to trust her because of all that... even though I really want to, I think that if I can't get past them, and learn to trust her, our relationship will fail. I know it will.

I guess its partly because of her past that I don't trust her... She's done a lot with a few different guys, and she went through/is in a 'trollop' phase. And maybe that's going to come back and history will repeat itself... and that would crush me...

Bottom line is, If I can't learn to trust her, I know I'm gonna lose her one way or another. May that be if I can't trust her and she cheats on me if she already isn't, or because I'm too cold she eventually stops loving me...

First Post:

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Okay, so there is this girl that over the past few months I've been getting really close too, and he hang out a lot... can talk... and I guess there is somewhat of a physical connection as well . But all this hasn't exactly been going on in broad daylight... it's almost secret... or not a secret but our relationship isn't out public (yet)... That's because I'm... well I'm not sure how to word this so you all don't hate me, but I don't want to lose any of my reputation for going out said girl... And even though I like her a lot, I mean a lot a lot. I just don't wanna take flack from everyone who isn't one of my better friends... Does that make me shallow? I'm a confident dude, but I just can't seem to say "Yeah, I'm going out with so and so. You have a problem with that?". We both want to be able to be together... erhm, publicly, but I just don't think it's in me... Even if I wanted to, I think it would just cause more trouble that it would cause happiness. Is this normal or have I once again proived my self to be a terrible person ?

Has anything like this ever happened/is happening to any of you, if so what did you do/are doing to resolve it? I'm so lost .

Second Post:

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Well, it's just her demeanor, and what she has done with other people... I guess the general consensus sees her as a... "trollop"? I guess would be the appropriate word for these forums... And she's hurt 1 or 2 of my friends in prior relationships... But also on the negative side, I almost feel... guilty for doing this, and I'm not exactly sure why. That's half the reason I'm so reluctant in being with her...

But yes, when I'm actually talking to her, I'm really, really happy... it's just the whole guilt and/or social hit I'd take.

Thanks in advance all.

[Coidzor]

... Well, I just found out why my ex started looking for a new man immediately after we broke up.

(Funny how I got in trouble for wanting to hang out with my girl friends due to the fact that I didn't have to keep from being the only guy in a group with them, and no one gives a damn about her immediately looking to snag a new man.)

I didn't think it was possible to have bad news delivered to oneself while being told that one was good in bed.


@^:..So, Monsieur Mud...How much does she know about what's going on with your end of things? Have you talked to her about why she was messing around with multiple guys at one time in the past?

V: And me, I usually only get crushes on my friends! ....

So wait, you found out that she was just waiting for the right time to break up with you and get something fresh but kept you around mostly due to the sordid comforts of the flesh? Or you just found out that she mainly stayed with you at the end so she wouldn't be alone until she had someone new?

[CrimsonAngel]

... Well, I just found out why my ex started looking for a new man immediately after we broke up.

That happened to me to.


Also, I think I might have a crush on my friend.

[Serpentine]

MrMud: I think you should sit down and have a good talk with her about all these things. Tell her about these trust issues, their origins - from your own past and your homelife, and from her history - and the reason for your concern - that is, that you're worried that your distrust will harm the relationship, rather than your fear that she'll ruin it, per se. Remember, if she does mess you around and betray your trust, that reflects badly on her, not you. So trust away, and be secure on your high road

[Berserk Monk]

Also, I think I might have a crush on my friend.

Think? You're not sure? How do you feel about them?

[Agamid]

i just got an email saying, essentially, unless you change who you are then this isn't going to work... all i can write back is i can't and i'm sorry.

I'm angry with myself for not breaking us up sooner and for hurting someone i care a lot about.

[Felixaar]

Agamid, I think this is for the best better late than never. Don't be too hard on yourself.

MrMud, sometimes the only way to get something is by already having it - heres what I mean. Let her do things that you would only let her do if you trusted her, and see what happens. Yeah, it's hard to do, but it'll be easier the next time. Of course, you run the risk of getting hurt, but that's the same in anything. Just give her the benefit of the doubt and see what happens. Serps suggestion is a good one too; communicaiton is the most important thing in a relationship.

Coid, eek. Sometimes people are hypocrits. You'll have a lot of trouble trying to find friends who aren't. Just try your best to forget the whole thing... it's not doing you any good to brood over it.

Crim, tell me more, tell me more!

[Klose_the_Sith]

Wooo! Klose has found a girl who is interested in him and this time he was careful to do everything right. It helped that she was basically perfect for me. We are officially going out as of this afternoon!

Best advice to calm down first date nerves? We're going to the Folk Festival so there'll be plenty to do (I hope) but that doesn't stop me from panicking xD

[Coidzor]

Coid, eek. Sometimes people are hypocrits. You'll have a lot of trouble trying to find friends who aren't. Just try your best to forget the whole thing... it's not doing you any good to brood over it.

I dunno, I think it was cathartic after the initial unpleasantness. Mostly because I was a bit unclear as to what the hell was going on with her and going all wiggy on me after she asked to still be in touch and so on.

[Felixaar]

Klose, woah, she's a cutie! You on the other hand look like a complete dolt I kid, I kid. Good luck with it all and take it easy, and just remember to have fun!

Coid, well, whatever floats your boat

[Shanty Man]

Hi guys
It's the shanty Man again
I've got good news... and I've got bad news
The good news is that after months of procrastinating I finerly asked the girl of my dreems and have a date on tuesday night!!!!!
(dose a small dance to cellerbrate).
bad news is I'm in panic mode, arrrrg.
I've never actually been on a date before, I've certenlly never kissed a girl (witch I relly hope will happen at some point on the date)
I'm also afraid she will hate my eating habits (it is a chinese resteront date and I'm a messy eater).
I think I love her and I relly relly don't want to mess it up.
She's just so cool and hileirus and like me she loves singing!!
ummm so that's me pooring my hart out to you
Any advise?

[Serpentine]

Well, for starters (sorry, it just bugged me):

Hi guys. It's the Shanty Man again.
I've got good news... and I've got bad news.
The good news is that after months of procrastinating I finally asked out the girl of my dreams and have a date on Tuesday night!!!!! (does a small dance to celebrate).
Bad news is I'm in panic mode, arrrrg. I've never actually been on a date before, I've certainly never kissed a girl (which I really hope will happen at some point on the date). I'm also afraid she will hate my eating habits (it is a chinese restaurant date and I'm a messy eater).
I think I love her and I really really don't want to mess it up.
She's just so cool and hilarious and like me she loves singing!!
Ummm so that's me pouring my heart out to you.
Any advice?

Well, for starters, cool off somewhat. You haven't even gone on one date yet and you're already talking about love. Maybe it is, maybe it's just infatuation. Either way, cool it, or you'll scare her with your intensity.
Other than that... Practice good eating habits until then, and be concious of your messiness (in an effort to avoid it, that is). Most important of all, though, is this: TALK! Sounds like you already have some conversation points, but I really don't think this can be emphasised enough.

[TheBST]

bad news is I'm in panic mode, arrrrg.
I've never actually been on a date before, I've certenlly never kissed a girl (witch I relly hope will happen at some point on the date)

^Serpentine has a couple of good points. Keep your 'messiness' in check but don't be paranoid about it. Some of your faults may be endearing to others, you know. Also, you don't 'love' her- that'll take a lot more time to develop.

As the Good Book says, DON'T PANIC. The important thing is perspective.

Sure to you this may be a chance for your first kiss but for her this could just be a casual date. The key is to hope but don't have any expectations. Any first date nerves are understandable but there's no need to freak out. Don't take it too seriously, it's just a date- no-one's life depends on it, the only thing at stake is a little of your pride. An dif anything should go wrong, roll with it. With dating, same as everything else in life, practice makes perfect. Don't think of it as nerves. Think of it as excitement.

[The Rose Dragon]

First dates are actually very casual things. It's the third date you should be worried about.

I mean, it is casual even if it leads to sex, because it can be broken off at any time. So don't fret.

[Felixaar]

Well, for starters (sorry, it just bugged me).

Don't feel bad, Serp. I was going to add "buy a dictionary" to my list of advice.

Anyhow, Shanty - calm down! You'll be fine. Do pay attention to Serp and BST. Don't get too far head of yourself as far as love and kissing goes - you don't want to seem pushy. Don't try to be someone else - just relax, take your time, smile a lot, and think of anything you can do to make sure she has more fun. Also, *high-five* way to go! Succesfully asking someone out is zer difficult, and you did it! Well done, sir!

also: report back here afterwards, soldier! We'll want to hear all about it.