[Steam]Survivors Vs. Blu Team Vs. Gordon Freeman Vs. Little Babies Vs. GLaDOS

[Dogmantra]

What? All kinds of unlocks screw up other classes abilities. The basic flame thrower stops a spy's ability to disguise, a razorback his ability to stab. Airblast hinders a soilders mid-long range killing power. Etc

He means on your own team. Of course unlocks counter things on the enemy team. If they didn't, the only weapons would be Sandvich, Bonk!, the Dalokoh's Bar and the two Mediguns.

I imagine the bulk of the hate comes from when you guys do all melee or something. Which is really something valve shouldn't be balancing the game for.

Nah, the bulk of the hate comes from people I've brainwashed persuaded to join me in my quest to eradicate the Equaliser.

"Sure Emlyn, I'll tell you where they are, but first; CAN I INTEREST YOU IN A RAZOR-"
"[EXPLETIVE] YOU! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE STUPID, STUPID [EXPLETIVE] PIECES OF TRASH."

I just found my new sig.

[Emlyn]

JIBPOCALYPSE

PART TWO, SEGMENT TWO, IN THE YEAR 20XX

With a yell Emlyn charged the closets bandit, his shovel blazing in the desert sun. It crashed down with a resounding thunk, the bandits skull split open like a melon.

Whirling he slammed it into a bandits face, a muffled scream escaped his lips before crumpling to the ground. He just managed to duck as an arrow whistled over his head to impale itself in a bandit behind him.

Stupid huntsman snipers, no aim or skill. He wryly thought as his shovel decapitated an unlucky bandit.

Though the bandits kept coming, they fell like chafe before his shovel. As he raised it to finish of another bandit, a lucky arrow managed to hit the blade taking it sailing off into the distance.

Damn, that's the first arrow to get near me in the last two minutes!

The bandits, seeing an opening charged with renewed fervor. Unconcerned, re loaded one rocket and fired into the center of the bandits.

Yet still they came, and as bloody confetti rained down Emlyn brandished his shotgun as a club and began beating everyone to death.

At long last, the last bandits head exploded with a pop, and he looked up from the mountain of bodies around him. He looked higher still and decided that he'd have to climb out.

Pulling himself over the lip, he saw Dog taking off in a golden helicopter while waving his hat in farewell.

Inwardly Emlyn seethed with rage, his quarry had eluded him. But being a professional, even as he fumed, he re-loaded his rocket launcher, then his shotgun, and began the long trek back to his base.

Present Day, shortly before Chap 3, part 2
Awaking from his fevered dreams of his past, Emlyn opened his eyes to the blinding white of a surgery unit. Standing over him was a relieved Dr. Girlfriend, who had apparently just saved his life.

Damn pyros not doing there jobs again, he'd have a word with them latter. A very physical word.

[Byrnbot08]

You do realise Dogmantra, that Emlyn has single handedly stopped a horde of Civilian bandits with standard Soldier kit? Now that there is action movie material.

Also, as of late I am becoming alarmingly quotable. Is this unusual?

[CarpeGuitarrem]

So, thanks to free Portal, I'm now on Steam. Seems like a nice place. I stumbled upon the Freedom Force pack, and am now trying this game out. Supposedly it's really, really good. I'll have to see for myself...

[Byrnbot08]

Welcome to Steam and us Chocolate Hammerers! If you're talking about Team Fortress 2, then yes, it is a very good game.

I direct you to the server thread if you wanna start on the ChHa servers.

[Dogmantra]

JIBPOCALYPSE

PART TWO, SEGMENT TWO, WHAT REALLY HAPPENED, IN THE YEAR 20XX

As Emlyn made his last stand, swiping wildly with his shovel, he began to notice that when he swang it in a particular manner, backhanded from left to right, it seemed to hurt his assailants around three times as much. He began to do this repeatedly, until he swang out at a Soldier's feet.

Crack. The shovel broke clean in two against the man's metal-plated boots. "No!" screamed Emlyn, defeated yet again by the Gunboats. Dogmantra approached, victorious and after having thanked Emlyn for standing still, wanker, with another cheery wave, began to speak.
"Alright, here's the plan. Because I have you cornered, you're going to agree to exactly what I say, or I'm going to twirl this arrow, impale you on it, pause dramatically and when I pull it out, you'll die. Now, if you do what I ask, I will pay you, and tell you where your men are. Deal?"
Emlyn knew he had no choice to accept or be killed in the most humiliating way possible. He nodded.
"Very good. Now, I have heard about a new invention which I am curious about and wish to obtain. You will get it for me."
'Great,' thought Emlyn, 'this can't end well' "What do you want me to get you?"

"A jar of piss? Are you mad? Even more mad than the last time we met?" Emlyn thought back to the last time he had encountered Dogmantra, Dog had jumped straight into all of his rockets, purely because he had just drunk some fizzy drink and was feeling invincible. He had no choice, he had to get the items, or he would be killed. "I need a weapon." he said.
"Certainly," replied Dog, "follow me."
Emlyn was led into a small room. Wooden shields lined the walls, car batteries scattered around the room. "You are free to borrow any wean in this room. No charge."
"But... But..." said Emlyn, "but these are all just Razorbacks and Huntsmen! I can't use those!"
"Ah, I understand," said Dog, "you are more discerning than that. Well, don't tell my men, but I'll let you use this prototype that I've been working on." He ducked under a workbench and retrieved something from underneath.
"Dog..." said Emlyn, his face dropping, "is that supposed to be a WEAPON? It looks like a bit of wood with a nail through it."
"That's because it's a bit of wood with a nail through it. Isn't it beautiful? I call it The Pain Train."
"I guess if it's between that and the Huntsman, I'll take the club." said Emlyn.
"You'll take the what, sorry?"
Emlyn sighed. "I'll take," he paused, feeling terrible, "I'll take the Pain Train." he said.

Later, Emlyn returned, carrying a jar of the finest Jarate known to man. "Very good," said Dog, genuinely impressed, "and as promised, here is your payment." He handed Emlyn three Chargin' Targes.
"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING? WHEN YOU SAID YOU'D PAY ME, I THOUGHT YOU MEANT IN MONEY, NOT USELESW JUNK!"
"Oh," said Dog, "that is money. Those are Sahara coins."

[Emlyn]

Dog if this is going to flow at all you can't go back and completely change a scene...

[Byrnbot08]

We may need a thread for this. Anyone want to seriously pursue this?

[watsyurname529]

For those of you who have Killing Floor, what is one of your favorite methods for taking down a Fleshpound?

When I'm by myself, I like to use Dual Handcannons to the face to bring it down.

[Rutskarn]

JIBPOCALYPSE

PART MOSQUITO, SEGMENT MOSQUITO, THE SECRET OF THE EL THREES

"I lost my heart to a Star-Ship TROOPAH..." The ringtone was tinny, obviously a custom job.

Rutskarn blinked his eyes open. The ceiling of the cheap hotel room began to come into focus, every crack and stain a brazen personal insult. There was a time when he wouldn't take that kind of guff from architecture.

"Flashin lights in HIPAHSPAY-ACE..."

His hand reached out on reflex and grabbed the cellphone, flicking it on before it hit his ear.

"Whu'llo?"

"Further developments," said the voice. "There have been other casualties."

"Hit me."

"Djinn."

Rutskarn swore.

"Fiddlesticks?" asked the voice on the other end, tinged with disbelief. "Did you actually just say Fiddlesticks?"

Rutskarn brushed the cheap sheets off of his money-sign pajamas, then climbed off the bed. All of his worldly possessions lay in a bag at his feet--a few American dollars, exactly one child's shoe, a GPS, and a pair of heart sunglasses he bought at a gas station. He picked up the GPS--and then, as an afterthought, the sunglasses.

"Okay, I've got my GPS out. Give me your co-ordinates, and I'll make my way over."

"Look," said the voice. "This is all moving a bit fast. At first it was just a few patients, a few isolated cases, but they've been accelerating fast. We've never seen anything like it. Now, we need some answers here, and if you've got anything to say to us, now is the time."

Rutskarn stared at the GPS for a moment. Slowly, he flicked open his sunglasses and slid them onto his face.

"Okay. I'm about to tell you something I've never told anyone else. I'm about to tell you why the Jibar Corporation has had such a large influence over nomenclature in the past few years. I'm about to tell you why my partnership with Jibar ended. I'm about to tell you why you've got a ward full of patients, and why there's conflicts breaking out over unlock preferences all through the community. I'm going to tell you about the El Mosquitoes."

Rutskarn paused.

A moment later, the voice on the other end said, "Well?"

"Uh, I kinda have to pee first."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Sorry, I had a lot to drink last night, and..."

"No, okay, we can wait."

"I mean, I'd do it while I talked, but that'd be kind of..."

"Yeah. That would."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"So...yeah. I guess just hold on for a minute. Maybe two minutes."

"Uh-huh."

"I had a lot to drink."

"Yes."

--TO BE CONTINUED--

[watsyurname529]

THE PYRO HAS BEEN FIXED!

Team Fortress 2

• Fixed a case where the Spy could start taunting and cloak at the same time
• Flamethrower changes
  
  • Increased base damage 10%
  • Afterburn duration increased (from 6 to 10)
  • Flares that hit a burning player at mid-to-long range will crit
  • Reduced Backburner damage bonus from 20% to 15%

[Rutskarn]

JOOBEELAYSHUNS!

I never played with the broken pyro, and yet I'm flooded with instantaneous relief at this announcement. Justice has been served, and a nerf even the layman could seen was unfair has been rightfully stricken down...mostly.

I mean, the pyro was due a nerf, so I wasn't asking them to restore him to full functionality. I think this is a good balance, personally.

[Worira]

Wow, that's a whole... 88% of the original damage. Way to go, Valve. Still failing math class, I see.

And Rutskarn, the pyro was underpowered before the update.

[watsyurname529]

Wow, that's a whole... 88% of the original damage. Way to go, Valve. Still failing math class, I see.

And Rutskarn, the pyro was underpowered before the update.

Yeah, but take the victory anyway. At least it was increased and more importantly, afterburn was restored.

[Scuzzball]

Got a thread for The Jibpocalypse. Here

[mightymonarch]

For those of you who have Killing Floor, what is one of your favorite methods for taking down a Fleshpound?

When I'm by myself, I like to use Dual Handcannons to the face to bring it down.

SCAR to the head. Or let everyone else take care of him, if I'm the Medic.

[Volatar]

I am now happy with the Pyro again.

I learned to airblast pretty well in the meantime too

[Volug]

For those of you who have Killing Floor, what is one of your favorite methods for taking down a Fleshpound?

When I'm by myself, I like to use Dual Handcannons to the face to bring it down.

AA12 is the most satisfying.

Fact.

Before it was patched, insta-kill knife to the neck.

[Fluff & Napalm]

Headshot crossbow bolt from very far away.

[KBF]

Killing Floor is on Mac. I don't know what you high-brow artist types are used to doing in your spare time, but the kickassness of Killing Floor is way better. Grab it now.

[Scorpionica]

Killing Floor is on Mac. I don't know what you high-brow artist types are used to doing in your spare time, but the kickassness of Killing Floor is way better. Grab it now.

Bought it and downloading it right now for the reason of availability. Hopefully it'll be able to run on my ATI HD 2600. Looking forward to playing it with y'all.

[Scuzzball]

My parents won't let me get another game... "You have enough games"...

[Dispozition]

Bought it and downloading it right now for the reason of availability. Hopefully it'll be able to run on my ATI HD 2600. Looking forward to playing it with y'all.

Should be able to. My 2900 can still run most games these days, even if I have upgraded to a 4770 in my gaming comp.

My HTPC is essentially my old gaming comp now that I think about it. Old GPU, CPU, Mobo, wireless card. New ram, hdds, case, psu...blu-ray drive...Ok, I was wrong. But it's using half of my old gaming comp!

[Djinn_in_Tonic]

Killing Floor is on Mac. I don't know what you high-brow artist types are used to doing in your spare time...

...in your spare time...

spare time

Man...I wish I had spare time...

[wojonatior]

So....

I been hearded a rumor that KBF is going to humt me down and murder me.


Im ascarded.

[KBF]

So....

I been hearded a rumor that KBF is going to humt me down and murder me.


Im ascarded.

You made me SPEAK. You're already dead.

Man...I wish I had spare time...

My spare time is eaten in the most pathetic way. I spend most of it IMing.

Which games do not allow me to do while playing them.

So I spend most of my time IMing. Cryyyyyyface.

[Dogmantra]

Dog if this is going to flow at all you can't go back and completely change a scene...

Well excuuuuse me princess for writing the whole scene without netowebs access and then finding you'd made some rubbish up to disguise the fact you once actually touched The Pain Train. I'll make it up to you.

[Dread Cthulhu]

Kay, so only having 88% damage of what it was is so totally worth it for the flare gun buff.

[Dogmantra]

Valve are very clever, methinks. If the Pyro had lost 12% damage first time around, I'm not sure that people would have taken it as well as they have now, even without the afterburn nerf, and with the flaregun buff. Looking like they screwed up the first time was quite a good thing, 'cause it meant people would accept it more when they got buffed again.

I am loving the flare gun buff. Crit on a burning player at long range. That's 90 damage right there. I think I might be playing a lot more Pyro now I have the Homewrecker and a Flare Gun that's amazing.

[Inhuman Bot]

So, getting interested in TF2. Name's Kelaos, I share my account with my brother.

I've only got TF 2 right now.