Relationship Woes and Advice: The Thirteenth Woerier

[Syka]

Make sure the area is not sandy. Even if you seal the food in hermetically sealed containers, sand WILL get in to it. Trust me. Sand, however, is good to have on hand to put out the fire with, however.

Have plenty of skewers for roasting things over a fire.

Fire-starter bricks are wonderful, but make sure you are able to light it in a non-windy area.

Also, maybe bring a little extra bug spray for those who forget, if it is at night. Sunscreen if during the day.

Other than that just have fun. And s'mores. Make s'mores.

(I would totally do another bonfire, except it's turtle season again so no fires on the beaches. And doing fires in the brush areas are just boring. I think one of my friends has a fire pit though...)




Pro-tip: Never, ever say something "hasn't happened to me" and "it's probably really, really rare." Ever. Especially if the event in question is negative. Because the next time you engage in the activity, said even will likely occur. Because Murphy hates everyone.

[Superglucose]

Murphy was an optimist.

[Eadin]

how saying that everything that can go wrong probably will go wrong being optimistic?

[arguskos]

how saying that everything that can go wrong probably will go wrong being optimistic?

To be fair, the actual original "Murphy's Law" wasn't quite that. It was more appropriately termed as follows:

"If there are two options for something, the first one you try will more often than not be the wrong one."

Murphy wasn't what I'd call an optimist, but perhaps I'd call him a realist.

[Eadin]

my mistake
but yeah, it's still not very optimistic

[skywalker]

I think that's going pretty far beyond reasonable accommodations. Sure, if you've got another barbecue handy, you may as well go for it, but bringing in another just to prevent food being cooked on the same grill? It's not like vegetarians go into anaphylactic shock upon consumption of trace quantities of meat.

Religious reasons can be meaningful.

[Rawhide]

The core of Murphy's law can perhaps be best explained as thus:

If you have an item that must be used one particular way, such as a cable that must be plugged in the correct way, do not simply include instructions, such as an arrow stating "this way up", and allow it to be used incorrectly. Always design the item so that it can only be used correctly, for example, by designing the plug and socket so that they can only be connected in the correct way. If you allow anything to be used incorrectly, sooner or later, it will be.

[Worira]

Religious reasons can be meaningful.

I was going to mention that, but I can't actually think of any religions that forbid eating food cooked on the same grill as meat. Meat and cheese, yes, eating meat, yes, but eating vegetables that were cooked near meat? There might be some, but they don't spring to mind. And if you have dietary restrictions that specific, it's not really reasonable to expect them to be catered to. Sure, if it's a big enough barbecue that it doesn't add too much difficulty to the preparation, go ahead, but if it does, I don't feel it's reasonable to expect your hosts to go to that much extra effort.

[Syka]

If I'm not mistaken, if someone has some sort of very specific dietary restrictions and they are attending something like a barbeque, it's not unusual for them to provide the necessary items. Like, in this case, a separate barbeque if they can't eat something prepared near meat, etc. Or, if they only eat veggie burgers and they are the only ones that do, it's not really fair to make the host buy a whole thing of veggie burgers JUST for them. Etc.

(Also, I could be wrong, but don't some sects of Judaism and Islam prohibit eating pork or anything made near pork? I know Hindu adherents aren't allowed to eat beef, so it wouldn't surprise me if they couldn't eat food prepared on the same surface as beef, either. I could be wrong.)

[Coidzor]

The core of Murphy's law can perhaps be best explained as thus:

If you have an item that must be used one particular way, such as a cable that must be plugged in the correct way, do not simply include instructions, such as an arrow stating "this way up", and allow it to be used incorrectly. Always design the item so that it can only be used correctly, for example, by designing the plug and socket so that they can only be connected in the correct way. If you allow anything to be used incorrectly, sooner or later, it will be.

Oh, Rawhide, the thoughts you make me think that aren't board appropriate.

Murphy's an optimist because he forgets that the things that can't go wrong, can always go wrong.

Whenever you make something idiot proof, nature always makes a bigger idiot. So on and so forth.

Never had a bonfire before that I've been in charge of, going to rake out and clear the area around where the fire will be and then douse the surrounding environs in water and then keep some buckets on hand. As it looks right now though, it's probably only going to be a small one, comprised more of brush and dried weeds than actual wood.

[arguskos]

If no one minds a stupid question...

Why is this barbeque thing in RW&A? Everything has been food or supply related, leading me to wonder why it's here.

Also, I have a woe but need no advice. Crushes on uninterested/unavailable folk SUCK. That is all. *leaves before says something stupid*

[xPANCAKEx]

I think that's going pretty far beyond reasonable accommodations. Sure, if you've got another barbecue handy, you may as well go for it, but bringing in another just to prevent food being cooked on the same grill? It's not like vegetarians go into anaphylactic shock upon consumption of trace quantities of meat.

The rest of your suggestions are good, though.

trust me, you're very much mistaken

speaking as a vegan, and with enough vegan/veggie friends to back this up, most veggies/vegans wont cook on the same grill thats being used for meat. Unless you're cooking corn which can be stripped from its husk after cooking then anything you cook on the same surface will absorb some of those meat flavours

Its not an alergy thing, its a moral thing

[Coidzor]

^: If it was a moral thing they wouldn't come. Because they'd hate me for eating meat and having an event where cooking meat outdoors is part of the big three things that'll be going on. Wouldn't it?

At least, that's how things went with the only vegan I made friends with in the first place. Either that, or it was for not knowing the ins and outs of veganism by heart and asking questions.

That just sounds like a taste thing.

If no one minds a stupid question...

Why is this barbeque thing in RW&A? Everything has been food or supply related, leading me to wonder why it's here.

Also, I have a woe but need no advice. Crushes on uninterested/unavailable folk SUCK. That is all. *leaves before says something stupid*

I was asking after barbecue etiquette, mostly in regards to how one is supposed to invite people to them and what I as the host can reasonably ask them to do.

Like, how should I phrase the request that every guest bring either a side dish or a 2 liter equivalent of soda? Is there any non-rude way to suggest they bring their own folding lawn chairs if they don't want to sit on the picnic blankets I have available?

Should I wait for them to inform me of dietary requirements if I've asked them to inform me of them on the facebook group I set up, or should I individually grill each guest to make sure they don't forget to let me know?

How does one go about inviting guests if the main thing they have in common is that they know you, but not necessarily one another? Is it possible to have an event without it being a fiasco or do I have to somehow make enough introductions to have a better web of inter-connectedness before the event happens?

Argusk: Got one better. Returned my ex's stuff to her today and my autopilot kicked in and I caught myself in the midst of approaching to hug her and had to stop.

Was quite annoying.

[arguskos]

Argusk: Got one better. Returned my ex's stuff to her today and my autopilot kicked in and I caught myself in the midst of approaching to hug her and had to stop.

Was quite annoying.

Eh, yeah, that'd suck. You have my sympathies.

Also, to the rest of it, see, that makes sense. But why are we talking about wood chips and vegans? A barbeque thread might not be out of order though...

[xPANCAKEx]

^: If it was a moral thing they wouldn't come. Because they'd hate me for eating meat and having an event where cooking meat outdoors is part of the big three things that'll be going on. Wouldn't it?

At least, that's how things went with the only vegan I made friends with in the first place. Either that, or it was for not knowing the ins and outs of veganism by heart and asking questions.

That just sounds like a taste thing.

you will get the obstinate few who refuse, but many of us will go to places to see friends/hang out. Even providing a seperate disposable bbq and saying "you'll need to bring your own cooking equipment" is usually appreciated.

i dunno - maybe the rest of the world isn't like it, but most of the people i know try to accomadate other peoples dietary requirements when possible, and a seperate cooking area so that you're friends can come down and hang out is usually not a big ask

[Pyrian]

Given the people I've met where Coid lives, I'm surprised that veganism isn't the norm instead of the exception.

Murphy's an optimist because he forgets that the things that can't go wrong...

...Are impossible to get at or repair when they do go wrong.

[Marillion]

Well, guess who got dumped this morning!

Not me. I was dumped a while back. No, Cheater McHo-Bag got dumped. And she's already asking me if I want her to come back.

I get the feeling that I'm about to make a very poor life decision.

[Coidzor]

^: Nah, I have confidence you'll use a condom for your awkward sex with your ex.

Given the people I've met where Coid lives, I'm surprised that veganism isn't the norm instead of the exception.

...Are impossible to get at or repair when they do go wrong.

Haha, that too. Though I'm no longer in Hippyville, what with visiting my parents. Where I'll be in the fall, if I'll even be alive, such thoughts are best left for later on to contemplate.

[MountainKing]

Cheater McHo-Bag

Well, when you put it like that, oh yeah, I can totally see that you're on the path to "This is something terrible about to go awry". I mean, really, it doesn't much worse than something terrible going wrong and getting *worse*.

I think you have exactly what you need to focus on. Keep a stiff upper lip, and tell her no.

Incidentally, what ended up happening with the sowing of wild oats, and such?

[Marillion]

^: Nah, I have confidence you'll use a condom for your awkward sex with your ex.

*snort* That's not exactly what I meant, but fair enough.

I think you have exactly what you need to focus on. Keep a stiff upper lip, and tell her no.

I find it very difficult to tell a crying woman no, especially when I'm still madly in love with her. I know that's what I *should* do, but...

Yeah, I'm kinda dumb like that.

Incidentally, what ended up happening with the sowing of wild oats, and such?

She keeps plowing the field, but the weather hasn't been right to actually start planting.

[Serpentine]

Like, how should I phrase the request that every guest bring either a side dish or a 2 liter equivalent of soda? Is there any non-rude way to suggest they bring their own folding lawn chairs if they don't want to sit on the picnic blankets I have available?

Should I wait for them to inform me of dietary requirements if I've asked them to inform me of them on the facebook group I set up, or should I individually grill each guest to make sure they don't forget to let me know?

How does one go about inviting guests if the main thing they have in common is that they know you, but not necessarily one another? Is it possible to have an event without it being a fiasco or do I have to somehow make enough introductions to have a better web of inter-connectedness before the event happens?

"BBQ at my place! Come, eat, meet new people! Please bring a plate or drinks, and BYOchair or sit on the ground. If you have any special dietry requirements please tell me ahead of time so we can work something out.* Bring entertainment if you have some."
Whoever said invites had to be polite?
*It is not unreasonable for you to ask people with specific requirements to make their own arrangements if there's only one or two or it's especially fiddly. If it's allergies, it would be courteous to keep that in mind in food preparation and choice to have a few things they can eat, especially if it's something easily left out or replaced. If there's multiple people with the same requirement/s, you can set something up for them, put them into contact with each other to arrange something between themselves, ask them to bring their own stuff, or compromise and do all three - supply some things, ask them to supply others, let them know they won't be the only ones there.

I'm not sure how that's a response to her wondering why she doesn't have any decent girls for friends or how to find some. Or to her being asked out and hit on by other guys. Maybe my brain's tired from lack or sleep?

Or was that to her thinking I'm safe?

That would be me misunderstanding. I thought she was asking why you don't have a girlfriend.

[Coidzor]

I find it very difficult to tell a crying woman no, especially when I'm still madly in love with her. I know that's what I *should* do, but...

Awww, but they're all ugly and squishy. AND WEAK. Crush the worm beneath your iron shod boot.

That would be me misunderstanding. I thought she was asking why you don't have a girlfriend.

Haha. Well, I think we all know why I don't have a girlfriend. I mean, just look at what I said to Marillion. If I didn't know better from failed sexual experimentation, I'd swear I was this misogynistic because I was a closeted homosexual or something.

Also, I'm sorta pseudo-dating a girl I probably should never have touched with a ten foot pole in the first place, and well, bad judgment like that warns any woman I'd want away from me as sure as if I ever got an STD and anyone ever found out about it.

Thank you for the event-planning related thoughts as well.

[loopy]

Its not an alergy thing, its a moral thing

I find it endlessly amusing that you pay more respect to the little fuzzie-wuzzies of the world than you do to our respective conquests, haha. Keep up the good work, mate.

[MountainKing]

*snort* That's not exactly what I meant, but fair enough.


I find it very difficult to tell a crying woman no, especially when I'm still madly in love with her. I know that's what I *should* do, but...

Yeah, I'm kinda dumb like that.


She keeps plowing the field, but the weather hasn't been right to actually start planting.

I... you... Y'know, I wasn't actually expecting a continuation of the metaphor. Well played. That being said, try your best, sir. From the sound of things, she's officially trying to use you now, and that's just not a fun situation to be in, whether you know and accept said situation or not.

[skywalker]

I was going to mention that, but I can't actually think of any religions that forbid eating food cooked on the same grill as meat. Meat and cheese, yes, eating meat, yes, but eating vegetables that were cooked near meat? There might be some, but they don't spring to mind. And if you have dietary restrictions that specific, it's not really reasonable to expect them to be catered to. Sure, if it's a big enough barbecue that it doesn't add too much difficulty to the preparation, go ahead, but if it does, I don't feel it's reasonable to expect your hosts to go to that much extra effort.

It's perhaps not reasonable... But these sorts of reasons aren't always strictly reasonable.

If I'm not mistaken, if someone has some sort of very specific dietary restrictions and they are attending something like a barbeque, it's not unusual for them to provide the necessary items. Like, in this case, a separate barbeque if they can't eat something prepared near meat, etc. Or, if they only eat veggie burgers and they are the only ones that do, it's not really fair to make the host buy a whole thing of veggie burgers JUST for them. Etc.

(Also, I could be wrong, but don't some sects of Judaism and Islam prohibit eating pork or anything made near pork? I know Hindu adherents aren't allowed to eat beef, so it wouldn't surprise me if they couldn't eat food prepared on the same surface as beef, either. I could be wrong.)

No pork, nothing made in the same vicinity of pork, etc, etc. Keep in mind that the strictest of these people won't eat in the same establishment. But to even survive in parts of the world where you're in a minority, you've got to make certain concessions. A lot of people draw their line at "I'll eat with you, even tho you're cooking something I don't eat, because I think it's reasonable to expect that you leave me a slice of cooking surface for myself."

you will get the obstinate few who refuse, but many of us will go to places to see friends/hang out. Even providing a seperate disposable bbq and saying "you'll need to bring your own cooking equipment" is usually appreciated.

i dunno - maybe the rest of the world isn't like it, but most of the people i know try to accomadate other peoples dietary requirements when possible, and a seperate cooking area so that you're friends can come down and hang out is usually not a big ask

I feel similarly. Honestly, having food allergies, I have a lot of experience in this area. Here's my full take:

There are three types of situations I've been in when it comes to food. In the first, not only has my host (restaurants included) cooked with an allergen, they have no idea where they used it, or if I can eat any of their food. Alternatively, there is the disclaimer "this should be allergy free, but we can't guarantee that." Similar to "condoms are not 100% effective. Abstinence is the only way to 100% blah blah blah." Not only does this not inspire confidence, it makes me feel highly, highly unwelcome. I'm leaving unless there is some very, very important reason to stay.

Situation 2: "I know what I cooked with and where, but I didn't take your allergies into account, because I was inspired to cook this (or, probably more likely, I just didn't care)." In this instance, I'm likely to be limited to side dishes or, in extreme cases (like situation 1), not eating at all. While I appreciate the responsibility apparent, I'm still unlikely to feel totally welcome, especially if you're snooty or obviously didn't care. I might not leave, but I'm less apt to come back. You don't have to be as important to keep me around as you did in situation 1. This is the level of care I think someone should "reasonably" expect from most people.

Situation 3: "I found it surprisingly easy to accommodate your dietary needs!" or "I really wanted to cook this thing you're allergic to, so I made this for you to have instead." Not only are these people responsible, they do something to make me feel welcome, and make it look easy. Not only am I highly like to feel welcome and come back, I'm likely to tell friends what a good restaurant/host they are.

My point is, it's much easier to be a situation 3 (for whatever cause, allergies, veganism, religious reasons, etc) than you might think. And I, personally, think it's worth it to make the particular person feel welcome as opposed to an imposition, or even just that they're wanted.

[Eadin]

Men confuse me...


Also:
Coidzor, can I come to your barbeque? I'll bring yummy sugary things?

[Tiger Duck]

Don't worry, women confuse us too.

[Serpentine]

I confuse myself. And often other people.

[Eadin]

Yeah, but we do that on purpose

[Lioness]

Like, how should I phrase the request that every guest bring either a side dish or a 2 liter equivalent of soda? Is there any non-rude way to suggest they bring their own folding lawn chairs if they don't want to sit on the picnic blankets I have available?

"Please B.Y.O chairs, and a drink and salad to share."

Or:

"There will be picnic blankets available, however you are welcome to bring along chairs. Please bring either a large drink or plate of food to share."

Should I wait for them to inform me of dietary requirements if I've asked them to inform me of them on the facebook group I set up, or should I individually grill each guest to make sure they don't forget to let me know?

Another thing to include on the invite: "If you have any dietary requirements, please let me know so that I don't accidentally poison you."