What DM says and what players hear

[gdiddy]

DM says: Everyone should have a back story how you came to work for this lord.

Player hears: You should be really edgy and tell me how you don't work for him.

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DM says: It's gritty medieval European-style combat.

Player hears: BUILD A CHAIN TRIPPER!

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[Amiel]

DM smiles secretly over a rolled die
Players: Oh crap

[DragonOfUndeath]

DM says: a giant shadow looms out of the darkness, roll initiative
Players hear: killable shadows, XP and loot

[golentan]

KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Although, there is about a 1 in 1,000,000 chance that your DM is of the opposite gender AND attractive. If that is the case then the correct response would be KILL IT WITH FIRE!

I would totally mack with my GM, I'll completely level with you. And opposite gender be damned. Roleplaying sexy fun times sounds like... sexy fun times, though that is DM specific.

DM Says: I don't think the rules allow that.
Players Hear: My fascist adherence to the rules is entirely to spite you, I hate you, and you are going to die alone and unloved.

DM Says: I'm handling X thematically because the rules don't do what I need them to do.
Players Hear: My willful ignorance of the rules is entirely to spite you, I hate you, and you are going to die alone and unloved.

[Volos]

This first one is fairly specific to my group.

DM says: He is wielding only a Rapier and appears to wear little to no armor.
Players Hear: He is wielding your death and appears to wear the blood of the innocent

Now the first time I said this next one it went like this...

DM says: The half-orc rages, frenzies, and turns into a bear.
Players Hear: He grew opposable thumbs to wield that great-ax.

The second time I said this, it went more like this...

DM says: The great wrym green dragon, rages, frenzies, and turns into a bear.
Players Hear: The dragon just gave up several size categories.