Jayng's Homestuck RP: It is NOT your Birthday

[Taisuru]

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, is probably not this young man's birthday. Though it was about thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

What will the name of this young man be?

[DarkMonkey]

> Enter Name.

"Gary Randal"

[Taisuru]

You're unique name astonishes the entire universe.

Your name is GARY. As was previously mentioned it is NOT YOUR BIRTHDAY. A number of UPTURNED OBJECTS are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for CONSTRUCTION AND LANDSCAPING. You like to participate in MUSICAL THEATER. You live near an AIRFORCE BASE, and are an aspiring AMURICAN. You also like to play GAMES sometimes.

What will you do?

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Fondly regard poster

[Taisuru]

It's a poster of THE WIZARD, an epic tale of VIDEO GAMES from THE 80'S.

It looks different up close for some reason.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Examine room and assorted memorabilia

[Taisuru]

You see that most of your furniture has been OVERTURNED for some reason, though everything is still in place. In the corner of your room is your MAGIC SET OF DRAWERS. In the middle of your floor is a CONFERTABLE BRAND BED, currently set to BEDROLL.

On your walls is THE AMERICAN FLAG, obtained from the nearby army base. On your desk sits you COMPUTER and STEREO SYSTEM.

In the corner of your room is a model of YOUR HOUSE and the surrounding area.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Overturn self, seek plot with computer

[Taisuru]

After wasting time trying to do a headstand for several minutes, you flip the ORIENTATION SWITCH on your wall, uprighting the objects.

You find THE PLOT nestled in your PESTERCHUM program, where your friend trakidaeAggregator (OOC: Jayng) demands your attention.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Respond

Spoiler

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-- trakidaeAggregator [TA] began pestering meticulousDraftsman [MD] at 1:25 --

TA: Yo
TA: Hows it hangin?
MD: It is hangin like a treasonous colonist my good man
MD: By which I mean the weather is fairly unremarkable
MD: And you? How does this day find one such as yourself
TA: Eh
TA: Everybodies away except my Aunt. Which generally means I've got the place to myself.
MD: Eh? That doesn't sound too bad
TA: It'd be better if I wasn't in the middle of gogdamn nowhere
TA: I mean I've got vidyagames, some ocean and...
TA: Thats it
MD: Haha, yeah. Forgot you're even more of a crazy hermit than me.
MD: At least you've got moisture
TA: Salt moisture
TA: Which is kind of anti moisture
TA: But whatever, I guess I'll go fishing
TA: Again
MD: Catch some sharks for me man
MD: Or at least like
MD: Fight them or something, I dunno
TA: *looks to wall*
MD: There are starving kids in africa who would kill for that opportunity
TA: If I have room on the Jaw wall
TA: Did I mention how it was REALLY boring here?
MD: You might have mentioned it. I thought you started using the ceiling though?
TA: It kept jamming the fan
MD: Oh. That sounds... kinda dangerous and terrifying actually
MD: Even moreso than the shark-wrestling itself
MD: If you're really that bored we could probably play a game or something
MD: I mean you seem to have an internet connection
TA: I finally got the SPURB beta delivered
MD: All the way out there already? Damn, I should probably check my mail then
MD: Wish I'd sprung for the download, this has just been too much of a hassle
TA: Damn right. But then it's not like theres much else to do.
TA: Out here it's the same vidya games, same webcites, same waves
TA: Same skull crushing boredom
MD: Rough, man. I'll go see if it's here yet and hit you up later
TA: K
MD: Assuming my stebro isn't passed out and in need of assistance
TA: I should probably do the same then
MD: The man can sing and dance with the best of them, but he can drink with the worst of them too
MD: Alright, seeya later man

-- trakidaeAggregator [TA] ceased pestering meticulousDraftsman [MD] at 1:29 --

> Gary: Assess inventory, seek out stepbrother.

[Taisuru]

Your Inventory is currently EMPTY. Your current Strife Specibus is AXEKIND. Your current Fetch Modus is MELODY. You assume you know what each of these means. Seriously, what kind of eghead doesn't know how to use his own inventory.

You journey downstairs into your LIVING ROOM. Scattered about are various PARTY SUPPLIES. In the center of the room is a STAGE, complete with OFFSTAGE AREA and SOUND EQUIPMENT. Bottles are also strewn around the room, but your STEP-BROTHER is nowhere to be seen.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Search kitchen. If he's alright the mail will be there. If he's not, well then the game can wait

[Taisuru]

The kitchen is littered with GARBAGE, probably from one of STEP-BRO'S parties. On the counter you see your SBURB BETA CLIENT DISK and a NOTE FROM STEP BRO.

Spoiler

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SB: Hey little brother, I'm gonna borrow your server disk for awhile, see if I can get it to run on ~~~~~(Illegible)'s old comp. Maybe we can play together later.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Captchalogue garbage and beta, return to room to check up on friends

[Taisuru]

You are pretty sure that this is the most colorful garbage you've ever seen.

You captchalogue the -GAR-BAGE- -PI-LE- and -SBURB- -BE-TA- to the fourth and third slots of your sylladex (For readers: It's assigned by syllables) and head to your room.

You see you have messages from debtDoctor.

[DarkMonkey]

> Gary: Be the other guy

[Jayngfet]

You are now the other guy. An overbearingly effeminate and slightly creepy boy standing alone in his room.

It is definitly not his birthday, but he still hasn't gotten a name until now.

[Fan]

> Enter Name

"Gabriel M. Moore XIII."

[Jayngfet]

Your name sounds out, as GABRIEL M. MOORE XII. A name that is VERY WEIRD and ALSO A LIE. You enjoy OVERSENTIMENTAL ROMANCE MOVIES, collect SHINY GEMSTONES, and watch OVERSTYALIZED CARTOON PROGRAMS featuring RIDICULOUSLY PROPORTIONED HUMANOID ROBOTS.

You live in THE MIDDLE OF THE MOUNTAINS, aka THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE. While it seems rugged and self sufficient at a glance it is clearly a MATTER OF INCONVENIENCE.

[Fan]

> Check Pesterchum while being annoyed at slowness of goat based mail service.

[Jayngfet]

You open PESTERCHUM and begin conversing with noisetankAndroid.

Spoiler

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-- noisetankAndroid [NA] began pestering debtDoctor [DD] at 8:52 --

DD: Oh hey.
NA: Hey m*n.
DD: What's up?
NA: Not much, w*iting for SBURB to *rrive.
NA: Sis will probably get to it before me though.
DD: Same, damn mountinous terrain. The goat is getting on in it's years too
DD: My GUARDIAN has no interest in video games.. just that creepy taxidermy stuff he does down stairs
NA: heheheh
NA: You still h*ving your little h*te**** sessions with T*? :P
DD: Eh, he hasn't been on in a bit, but yeah. SSDD bro.
NA: Heheheh, well, I did get * p*ck*ge tod*y, so m*ybe SBURB will *rive *s well.
NA: *nyw*ys, I gonn* go check. See y* l*ter.
DD: Eh, I was SUPPOSED to get mine yesterday, but a storm ****ed that
DD: and later dude.
NA: H*h*, you cr*zy Mount*in Folk

-- noisetankAndroid [NA] ceased pestering debtDoctor [DD] at 8:58 --

[Fan]

>Examine poster while thinking about how your name is most definitely true, and not in any way a lie.

[Jayngfet]

You examine the poster of GAOGAIGAR. The image seems to be a bastion of MANGRIT and COURAGE in a life filled with MANGRIT and COURAGE. This makes NO SENSE, but given that someone surrounded by MANGRIT and COURAGE seems to be wearing eyeliner and peter pan cosplay this is PAR FOR THE COURSE.

[Fan]

> Inspired by MANGRIT, and COURAGE, go to CHEST to retrieve HAMMER.

[Jayngfet]

You walk over to your HAMMER CHEST to retrieve your SLEDGEHAMMER. Out pops your Sledgehammer, a GARNET, a piece of LAPIZ LAZULI, and MALCHITE, which quickly fall to the floor.

[Fan]

> Pick up various VALUABLE ITEMS OF IRREPARABLE BEAUTY, admire, then pick up sledge hammer. Proceed to ABSCOND with WEAPON to hunt MAIL GOAT.

[Jayngfet]

You CAPCHALOGUE the three gems using your WEIGHT MODUS. Each of your three MINIMUM WEIGHT(0-5lb) slots are filled. Instead of going to your Modus, your hammer is sent to the HAMMERKIND ABESTRUS.

Your other three slots, two 6-10 and one 15+ lie empty.

[Fan]

> Abscond to hunt mail goat.

[Jayngfet]

Spoiler

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You go down the hallway to hunt the MAILGOAT. However you hear the ominous crack of THUNDER and DINNER.

This is going to be difficult.

[Fan]

> ABSCOND FASTER. FASTER I SAY.