My Little Pony XI: "Mmph!"

[Grif]

you made your move, I see. But did you expect THIS?

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aArt by: SumealEAllan

Funny one-shots. It only needs to be coloured to be 20% cooler.

Yay, Multiple Pinkie Pie Birthday Party! (That could be dangerous!)

Nonsense. Don't you know birthdays are good for your health? Each simultaneous one even multiplies the effect, giving you immortality if you hold enough birthdays at the same time.

The pink one said so. She seemed totally legit.

[Welf]

In other words, it's my birthday today! Yay me!

happy birthday

And don't forget what auntie Pinkie always says:

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Funny one-shots. It only needs to be coloured to be 20% cooler.

I usually post colour pictures, I thought I change the pattern for once in a while.

[EsperDerek]

Really? I always assumed you were some kind of side-effect from firing the orbital friendship cannon all those times. Either way happy birthday! Pinkie Pie will be along shortly.

Really? The way I heard that story, a bunch of Wizards built a silver ladder to climb to Heaven and make themselves gods, but when they got there all they found was a cute little baby Unicorn, which they decided was good enough so they took it home and raised it.

I mean, I don't claim to know your creation story or anything, I just heard it from a lot of otherwise reliable sources.

Happy birthday, one way or another.

Apparently I'm like the Joker, except with adorable back stories instead of bad ones. I think I approve of this!

But thank you, everypony!

[TheAmishPirate]

Prereader time!

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- Actually, if the moon is like in real life, the moon is either cold, or blisteringly hot, as I understand it. Unless Luna made sure to move around it, staying in the "comfortable" zone as the moon rotated.

- "Life is really surprising sometimes." Tense shift- was.

- I'd give the guards a reason to be spoil sports. Like, mention decorum, or the skipping is echoing loudly, etc.

- "They soon reached the first destination on her list of stops" Kinda clunky. I'd make it"they soon reached their first stop."

- “Your Highness? If I may be so bold to ask, but could you please keep your hooves on the ground?” delete the would but.

- "and a small pedastel" pedestal

Chapter 2

- Hee hee, bureaucracy jokes.

- "One-by-one it is then." One on one it was then.

- "She took a few deep breaths. Relax. It’s just a single group. You can always come back to this one later." This scene has a few of these, along with the one by one. I realize now that some of them are suppose to be Luna's internal monologue. Either rephrase it so it's 3rd person, or italicize the thoughts.

Overall: Not sure what to think. Luna fics are an interesting beast, but they have a tendency to hit similar notes. This one is on the sad Luna side of things. However, what you capture here is her dealing with ponies who aren't meaning to set her off. And she's having to deal with the bitterness and fight it down.

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Thanks for the grammar/spelling catches.

I kind of styled myself into a corner with her thoughts. I was trying to keep her nagging/jealous internal voice in italics (also flashbacks), which means that I need to keep her normal internal stuff in third person. I'll be sure to fix those parts.

Re: Overall - It's absolutely understandable if you don't know what to think yet. Chapter 3 is where a lot of the "so what" of this story happens while the first two are setting it up. Though, you have made me think of something that's got me a bit bothered. See the question below:

Thoughts:

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I enjoyed this bit. Your potrayal of Luna seemed perfectly reasonable, though a little on the sad side.

I'll have to admit, her sudden inability to raise the stars was felt a little forced. Maybe some more hints before this? It works as a plot mover, but it seemed to come out of the left field.

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Whew. Glad it seems logical/reasonable to somepony other than me.

Hmm, what if I made it so that she can raise the stars, but because her mind is still preoccupied with the meeting and waking up early she can't focus well enough to move them all at once? I'll see what I can do to hint at it more, maybe add something about "remembering to stay calm and focused" when she raises them in Chapter 1.

A question for both of you:

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As it stands, there's a lot of time difference between the chapters (3-4 months between the first two, slated 8-9 months between two and three) which means we see Luna after she's had to deal with the events of the previous chapter for a while. Thus, the tone of each chapter should be different from the last one. I'm worried that changing the tone too much is going to be confusing for the readers. Has the shift been drastic for you, or have you even noticed a shift?

Oh right, Happy Birthday EsperDerek! I'd post a pony-related birthday picture, but the risk of discovery is a mite too high right now.

I can fully endorse the pink one's advice. She has brought me nothing but delicious party cake and joy. Or maybe insanity. I always get those two mixed up.

[Kyouhen]

Happy birth/creation/finding day Esper! Have a party-related comic I just found.

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[EsperDerek]

Oh my Celestia there's dozens of them now and they're all making me party! The streamers and party balloon are everywhere! I've played pin the tail on the donkey forty times in a row already!

There's been so many cakes and cupcakes and pies and other sweets stuffed down my throat I'm rolling around someone help me save me from all the Pinkies!

[tonberrian]

Oh my Celestia there's dozens of them now and they're all making me party! The streamers and party balloon are everywhere! I've played pin the tail on the donkey forty times in a row already!

There's been so many cakes and cupcakes and pies and other sweets stuffed down my throat I'm rolling around someone help me save me from all the Pinkies!

You know what could help with that? Sending them all away to a birthday party. Put together by Pinkie. For, I dunno, EsperDerek, since today's his birthday.

[MCerberus]

Oh my Celestia there's dozens of them now and they're all making me party! The streamers and party balloon are everywhere! I've played pin the tail on the donkey forty times in a row already!

There's been so many cakes and cupcakes and pies and other sweets stuffed down my throat I'm rolling around someone help me save me from all the Pinkies!

Cutie Mark Crusaders birthday party throwers!

[TheAmishPirate]

Oh my Celestia there's dozens of them now and they're all making me party! The streamers and party balloon are everywhere! I've played pin the tail on the donkey forty times in a row already!

There's been so many cakes and cupcakes and pies and other sweets stuffed down my throat I'm rolling around someone help me save me from all the Pinkies!

Aww, but why would you want to do that? Parties are good for you! And the pink one just wants to make you smile. You don't want to hurt her feelings by being a meany pants, do you?

[Kyouhen]

Cutie Mark Crusaders birthday party throwers!

And then everything was on fire.

[Brazen Shield]

And so, nearly one thousand years ago, the great Princess Celestia looked out upon her creation...and found it wanting.

There wast just something missing! A void that needed to be filled!

"What this place needs, is to be twenty percent cooler!" The Princess of the Sun exclaimed, and set to work, to fill the void that was in Equestria.

Gathering the light of the sun and the moon, and infusing it with her own magic, Celestia's new creation began to take shape. Hooves and horn appeared, tail and mane, the living creature being woven together by Celestia's grace and skill. Finally, it was finished. A small, purple-pelted filly hung in the air.

Princess Celestia gently took her creation in her wings, gave it a gentle nuzzle, and named her a very strange name for a pony. This tiny little pony would forever be known as 'EsperDerek', and he seemed to have an excessive amount of love in her appendix, and some problems with his gender. (Is she male or female? Even EsperDerek isn't completely sure anymore.) But none the less, the Princess was satisfied with her new creation.

And that's how Equestria (or, at least, a small part of it) was created.

Of course, Celestia's detractors would say that she got very, very drunk on her birthday night, and woke up the next morning with a blazing headache and EsperDerek already created in a drunken stupor, but this is a complete lie and you shouldn't believe it.

In other words, it's my birthday today! Yay me!

So, ridiculously cute story, and happy birthday!!

[EsperDerek]

And then everything was on fire.

oh god why is my house on fire now

Can't escape the Pinkies....can't escape the cute...

Must...must....

MUST PARTY! WOOO!

[Thanqol]

oh god why is my house on fire now

Can't escape the Pinkies....can't escape the cute...

Must...must....

MUST PARTY! WOOO!

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Best. Party. Ever!

[tonberrian]

And then everything was on fire.

Cutie Mark Crusaders Firefighters!

[Shadowy]

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Best. Party. Ever!

At least nobody told the Crusaders about the Spanish inquisition. Right? Did anyone tell....them...

I'm just going to go hide now. Why do all the parties end this way? With fire?

[TheAmishPirate]

oh god why is my house on fire now

Can't escape the Pinkies....can't escape the cute...

Must...must....

MUST PARTY! WOOO!

The target has joined the party.

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[Thanqol]

At least nobody told the Crusaders about the Spanish inquisition. Right? Did anyone tell....them...

I'm just going to go hide now. Why do all the parties end this way? With fire?

If I'm gonna invest four dots in Forces, I'm gonna get four dots of Forces worth of value. If that means using a Transmute Party to Fire spell, so be it.

[EsperDerek]

At least nobody told the Crusaders about the Spanish inquisition. Right? Did anyone tell....them...

I'm just going to go hide now. Why do all the parties end this way? With fire?

Because all how good a party is, is signified by the damage that's left over at the end of it!

[RdMarquis]

And then everything was on fire.

To be fair, they've never messed up that badly, with the possible exception of that table.

Also, Happy Birthday, EsperDerek.

[the_druid_droid]

In other words, it's my birthday today! Yay me!

Maybe it's your avatar, but I somehow expected your origins to involve more Twixie...

Either way, happy birthday EsperDerek!

[MCerberus]

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Best. Party. Ever!

Cutie Mark Crusader Knights Hospitilar!
Hacksaw!
Hacksaw!
Hacksaw!

[Kyouhen]

To be fair, they've never messed up that badly, with the possible exception of that table.

Also, Happy Birthday, EsperDerek.

True, but at the same time a good birthday party requires a birthday cake. And a good birthday cake requires candles. Do you trust the Crusaders around open flame? I don't trust the Crusaders around open flame.

[tonberrian]

True, but at the same time a good birthday party requires a birthday cake. And a good birthday cake requires candles. Do you trust the Crusaders around open flame? I don't trust the Crusaders around open flame.

I don't trust the Cutie Mark Crusaders around open flames, closed flames, hot flames, cold flames, new flames, old flames, red flames, blue flames, or small pets.

[MCerberus]

I don't trust the Cutie Mark Crusaders around open flames, closed flames, hot flames, cold flames, new flames, old flames, red flames, blue flames, or small pets.

The CMCs once accidentally lit an ice cube on fire.

[Raz_Fox]

At least nobody told the Crusaders about the Spanish inquisition. Right? Did anyone tell....them...

I'm just going to go hide now. Why do all the parties end this way? With fire?

"Art thou a witch, viva espana?"

(Cookies for reference.)


Oh, and happy b-day, Espie.

[TheAmishPirate]

The CMCs once accidentally lit an ice cube on fire.

The CMCs once accidentally lit fire on fire.

[EsperDerek]

Maybe it's your avatar, but I somehow expected your origins to involve more Twixie...

Either way, happy birthday EsperDerek!

That would be Origin #4, actually.

And no, I can't say I trust the CMC around any sort of open flame. Or closed flame. Or, you know, those fake candles, too.

[Shadowy]

"Art thou a witch, viva espana?"

(Cookies for reference.)


Oh, and happy b-day, Espie.

If that was a reference to Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaimen You do indeed earn internet cookies.

Probably just me leaping to conclusions.

[tonberrian]

The CMCs once accidentally lit fire on fire.

The CMCs once lit a total vacuum on fire.

[DeadManSleeping]

Happy birth/creation/finding day Esper! Have a party-related comic I just found.

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Is...is that a "nyoro~n" comic? And here I thought that was deader than disco.