My Little Pony XIV: Boots on Hooves / Bikinis on Top

[darthbobcat]

Last time this came up, we ended up talking about Fluttershy eating peanut butter and having her diet ruined by Pinkie, who has diabeetus.

"This is your singing muffingram
I hope it finds you well
I'm here to give free samples
'Cause we think you're really swell
We couldn't help but notice
You haven't bought a thing all week
You're one of our best customers
So your interest we'll pique
Now take these muffins with regards
They really are top rate
Please don't ignore your friend's sweet shop
'Cause you're worried 'bout your weight
So in conclusion, have some fun, I'll help you exercise
But don't stop buying from the Cakes or else I'll be downsized!"

[RdMarquis]

We just hit 50 pages. In five days. How'd that happen?

[darthbobcat]

We just hit 50 pages. In five days. How'd that happen?

The great shipping wars of ought-11.

[Etcetera]

We just hit 50 pages. In five days. How'd that happen?

Hey, how long did the previous thread last? I feel I should be keeping track of these things.

[Kurgan]

The Court-Ship of Luna:

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The Air Luna Court Magic Ship.

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Midnight... You are a very stubborn pony. Quit acting like the only one with firepower here. *Ponyard's horn glowed and the boards beneath the emissary of the Pink One to cave in, creating a large hole. Ponyard yanks Midnight and Shimmer to him and kicks the nearest cannon, causing it to swivel towards the hole.* Hate me later. For now, I'm getting you to that ship! You want to know my agenda? Adventure! And right now, a chase is very exciting! *He opens the hatch to the cannon. and motions* Either you load yourself in, and use your magic to get over there. OR I load you in. and you trust MY magic to get you there safely. Now i have to make sure that Lyra and the captain get off this ship alright. Your NOT going to be able to get her back on your own. No matter how powerful you are, your going to need help. And i wont turn down some action. *He turns from her and fires the cannon into the hole that he made earlier* Its up you you! *he runs off to find Lyra*

In Her Majesty's Secret Submarines:

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"Cap'n! A chopper's landed on the wizard's dream-ship! And the Socks collided with it only to be engulfed in chains! And part of it exploded and another ship came out! And Parasprites are eating all our volleys!"

"Any more bad news?"

"Well, I got a letter from my mare back home-"

"Not important! XO, what armaments do we have left that Parasprites won't eat?"

"We've got 6 Mk. III Shimmerdrones and Code F, but that's still in testing. We might be able to get one shot off, but definitely not two."

"Hayseed! Weren't we supposed to get some of the new Mk. IV's?"

"Aye. Right after we left."

"Okay. XO, get us three jetpacks and friendship pieces, then scramble a Shimmerdrone to draw the attention of that Bondage Array. We've got to get aboard that vessel and rescue the Princess before anyone else kidnaps her!"

"Aye!"

The Shimmerdrone is the latest advance in anti-bondage weaponry. Developed in an effort to duplicate the biorhythm of one Shimmer Snowflake, a pony who seems to twist chance into putting her into bondage, the Shimmerdrome broadcasts the same signal in an attempt to draw bondage-based weaponry towards it instead of personnel. The Mk. I never got out of testing, always ending up tied in wires and gagged despite all efforts to the contrary. The Mk. II, on the other hand, actually had a reversed effect, creating a zone in which bondage was incredibly difficult to occur. This technology is currently being studied to provide ship-based bondage shielding, but that's still in the future. The Mk. III's are serviceable units that work more or less as intended, but they are rather fragile in deployment and storage as critical components seem to end up knotted. The newly developed Mk. IV is more sturdy and has a variable bondage attraction, promising easier storage and longer service life.

Using the Shimmerdrone as cover for any automated bondage systems, tonberrianne and her XO make her way onto SiuiS's ship and encounter Midnight and everyone trying to get her to go with them.

"Where is the Princess?!?"

Operation: Airship is Magic

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*The admiral jumps back aboard with the fair Monocle'd princess and the hanger on. What a weird sensation like he was fading away. likely nothing*

What the hay is going on. *everything appears to be going to pot* LIEUTENANT, you're demoted again. Prepare to jump us out of here! Where is he?!

Meanwhile, back on the other ship: "I'll do anything for you, Midnight honey."

It matters not, helmsman, get us out of here!
Yes I'm aware we're tangled
Yes I'm aware there's ships in jump range that will get pulled with us
Yes I'm aware that fire control has been taken over by pony-eating berries and ponies eating pony-eating berries
GO TO PLAID

*the engines of the Socks flare, preparing to bring the fair Monocle Luna to safety, and everything else back to the real world with her*

The Kommodore releases the water gun and manages to grasp hold of a piece of stray rigging at the last second before falling into the Dreamlands. He begins the laborious process of dragging himself back up when he sees Midnight launched past him towards the approaching destroyer. He attempts to grasp her with his hoof, but she is going too fast.

Just then, the anti-bondage weaponry passes by, releasing the chains holding the Party Barge to the rest of the ships. As this happens, the sky turns plaid. Kurgan holds on for his life, and when it is over he is back in the real world.

He drags himself back on deck and surveys the wreckage around him.

No Luna, no Midnight, no anypony! All he sees is a pink Lyra (at least pink is an acceptable color, he presumes. Proper for someone joining the eternal party.) and a Ponyard wedging himself inside of a cannon. In fact, the only good news was that the Party Barge was no longer chained in place and that the last red-saddle had inexplicably survived the mess.

What have you done!? Where is Midnight? We need the Guests of Honor for the party! I missed cake time for this! -He gets a hold of the stray water gun and points it at Ponyard- Well then, if I cannot get the guests, at least we can have a party here and now! -He presses down on the trigger---

COURT-'SHIP OF LUNA

((oh you crazy ponies))

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the aft of the Neo Nemo contacts the whirling black vortex, and begins shifting ever so slowly to the right as it's port side is pulled into the event horizon by the shooting tides of Nightmare. The chains strain and pull taut, dragging the party barge to it's mutually assured doom (ETA 45~125 seconds, Equestrian standard time).

From beneath Grif's now pinkened Limb, a squeak and a rattle eventually make themselves understood as whispers, pushed out through unmoving lips.

"worst... ...timing... ...ever"

Elsewhere in the fray, a conspicuous log, approximately half a meter long and 10 cantilevers thick, single branch with two leaves still attached, and wearing a smaller version of S's jingasa, stands dramatically aboard something.

The ninja log surveys it's surroundings. E'ery creaking board, e'ery pony movement picked up by it's sensitive ninja log senses. It's target; well, actually, it doesn't have one. Hm.

Aha! That spinning, brewing ship! Ninja log spins like a tornado, or a typhoon or hoer similar awesome weather formation, and suddenly stops. It's green cloak and pointed hat settling into place, NinjaWizard Log begins the complex incantation to teleport itself across the intervening distance.

But alas! A stray cupcake whizzes past, disrupting NinjaWizard Log's concentration. Short of it's only 5th level spell, it once again begins the whirlwind dance, the sirocco of power that is it's comically cartoony source of equipment.

Standing tall, salsa music clicking and coaching away in the background, Ninja Wizard Zorro Log grabs a chandelier withs its branch, and cape fluttering dramatically, swings towards the intended set of Ninja Wizard Zorro Log's next big scene!

I'm curious. So, free (possibly worthwhile) art commission to anypony who can guess what the hay is goin' on in my response

I honestly don't know. Unless you are going with a dnd game. Makes sense with a wizard casting a spell and ninjas being around all of a sudden. Also maybe an Order of the Stick reference, since all of the characters are sticks?

[RdMarquis]

Hey, how long did the previous thread last? I feel I should be keeping track of these things.

6 days. 5 is still the quickest I've seen one finish up, though.

[Etcetera]

6 days. 5 is still the quickest I've seen one finish up, though.

A more than fourteen-fold decrease on the duration of the first pony thread.

[darthbobcat]

A more than fourteen-fold decrease on the duration of the first pony thread.

Wait, the first one lasted 70 days?

[Aotrs Commander]

Of course, my theory implies a whole race of neglectful dragonborn parents.

I wondered whether dragons simply mate (for procreation, nothing more) and, as you say abandon their eggs. (This assumes of course, the Spike-is-a-"domesticated"-dragon-species theroy is not in play.) That, of course, gives Spike an even bleaker future, since it would mean that he would never have a nice lady dragon (if he doesn't et a pony, e.g. Rarity¹).



Spike is just about the most fridge horror character in MLP:FiM. He's obviously a highly sociable character (certainly more so than Twilight - he obviously knows a lot of people around town he's not met from working at the library likes Snips and Snails). He's a far cry from the traditional greedy dragon. Note how his own breakdown came because he thought he was being replaced. And how he was so dissapointed at the Gala, because all he wanted to do was hang out with his friends.

Yet if he is the same as the other dragons shown in the show, all he has to look forward to is seeing all his friends, and the only familiy he's ever known, age and die, while he grows too large to keep living in the only place he's ever called home; be forced to leave the acourements of civilisation to live in a cave for the rest of his life, alone, and without even the comforts of friends, since the century-long naps will destroy any chance of him being considered a nice, friendly dragon (ponies being the highly-strung species they are) and force him to lair far away from Equestria. Out-living everyone and everything, living in a cave, far away from anyone, with nothing to do but accumlate meaningless piles of trinkets while the world passes you by... That's about as grim a future as I can think of.



Call me strange, but I am still thinking there's room for a good old-fashioned, give-up-your-immortality-for-your-loved-one/friends thing for Spike. (Assuming, as I say, he's not of a smaller, shorter lived dragon species as I've said before.) It'd be a nice change from the whole Spike/Rarity-but-only-after-Rarity-has-died-and-Spike-is-really-old schtick that's so prevalent. (Seriously, can't we see the middle bit of that for once? *sigh*)



¹Actually, Spike/Dash is another one I could easily see. (Yes, yes, I know, Dash/Everything, very actually including the kitchen sink...)

[Trixie]

*cough*

[Lord Raziere]

We just hit 50 pages. In five days. How'd that happen?

apparently Thousand Words caused it, he said to speed it up to five days when I calculated how it would take this thread to overtake the Dominic thread in six days per thread which was five months, around Christmas time. I myself doubted that even this thread could go as fast as five days....when it started to slow down to seven days, I was hoping that it reached its peak...turns out I was wrong.

now I'm just hoping that it doesn't go any faster.