Things I May No Longer Do While Playing II: Stop Making The DM Cry

[Chaos rising]

1495: I may not carve a symbol of insanity on the town message board.
1496: I may not turn into a lich, no matter how in character it may be.
1496b: If I do turn into a lich, I may not use the indestructible plot central macguffin as my phylactery.

[boomwolf]

1496c: If I do use an indestructible plot central macguffin I may not further protect it by hiding it inside a tarasuqe.

[Qwertystop]

1496d:
If I send it to the Astral with a Bag of Holding and a Portable Hole, I can't claim that being "lost forever" means it's intact but permanently unfindable.

[Doorhandle]

1496d:
If I send it to the Astral with a Bag of Holding and a Portable Hole, I can't claim that being "lost forever" means it's intact but permanently unfindable.

That's a horrible idea.

If you die, you will reintegrate AT the phylactery and be lost yourself.

[Necroticplague]

That's a horrible idea.

If you die, you will reintegrate AT the phylactery and be lost yourself.

Two words my good friend:plane shift.

[Lady Serpentine]

That's a horrible idea.

If you die, you will reintegrate AT the phylactery and be lost yourself.

Eh. Only if you say you regenerate at the phylactery. Which would make one of the epic level spells that lets you make more than one be completely broken becuase different bits would come back in different spots.

[Metahuman1]

1496e: I may not have a phylactery that is made of Riverine, and stared as an Artifact immune to Dispel magic effects, Anti-Magic Fields, Wild magic regions and effects, rods of Cancellation, and Sphere's of Annihilation.

1496f: If the above rule is violated or ignored, I may not place dozens of Fine sized Traps inside the Phylactery, which trigger upon the casting of disintegrate and Mordenkainen’s disjunction spells and immediately force the casters to make dozens of Counter spell rolls until they inevitably fail one. Traps also cannot be made of Riverine themselves and 100% encased in the Phylactery, thus making them untouchable by the effects listed in 1496e.

1496g: And I absolutely can't add making the phylactery a cursed Object that always immediately returns to me no matter what takes it away or where it takes it too for good measure either.

[Kazyan]

1496h: Not allowed to make a Sphere of Annihilation my phylactery.

[Dire Moose]

1497. I am to constantly remind myself that the DM has instituted a "No stealing from other party members" rule.

1497a. I am also to remind myself that my actions made him institute this rule.

[byaku rai]

1498: As a DM, I may not intentionally create circumstances where each one of my players' characters experiences a mental breakdown.

1498a: No matter how funny/creepy it may be.

[The Glyphstone]

1498: As a DM, I may not intentionally create circumstances where each one of my players' characters experiences a mental breakdown.

1498a: No matter how funny/creepy it may be.

1499: As a DM, I may not intentionally create circumstances where each one of my players experiences a mental breakdown.

1499a. No matter how funny/creepy it may be.

[TheJudicator]

1498: As a DM, I may not intentionally create circumstances where each one of my players' characters experiences a mental breakdown.

1498a: No matter how funny/creepy it may be.

1498b: Even if the adventure calls for a 50% chance for that exact thing to happen. (Source: Eerie temple room in G1: Steading of the Hill Giant Chief)

[Gadora]

1500. No more referencing video games that I haven't played that everyone else at the table has. It just gets embarrassing when the reference goes straight over their heads.

[BlackestOfMages]

1501: Not allowed to forge a note for every shop I visit for the shop boy from the manager to give me everything

1502: Not allowed to forge a note from the king when visiting the palace to obtain stuff I shouldn;t have
1502a: The king has max ranks in forgery, many more so than me. my note from his descendants proving I am the true king will not work
1502b: If, for example the king has detected my nefarious plot, not allowed to abuse the fact that all stealing has the same DC and I have a bag of holding on the way out
1502c: there are very few fences willing to sell a prized painting of the king which he is very sad to have lost
1502d: My characters are not allowed to be anything but lawful good anymore.
1502e: but they said nothing about dilusional Grey Guards

[Randomguy]

1502f: No longer aloud to forge a deed to the kingdom, as well as a birth certificate saying you're the rightful king, and using those documents as well as a story about how you were kicked out of the kingdom as a child and raised in a monastary/wizards college/bard academy/wherever to start a revolution.

[Necroticplague]

1503: When people ask if I can make water with magic, they want to see a Create food and Water spell, not Flashflood.

[Doorhandle]

1503: When people ask if I can make water with magic, they want to see a Create food and Water spell, not Flashflood.

1504: I will will not play Magika and D&D at the same time. Mixed games are as bad for my health as mixed drugs.

[Vknight]

1499: As a DM, I may not intentionally create circumstances where each one of my players experiences a mental breakdown.

1499a. No matter how funny/creepy it may be.

1499b: Nor can I leave them alone with Vknight or Glypthstone

1499c: Especially together for as Vknight with Glypthston is the all in one the one in all the sleeping master and the ruler of.... Sorry what was I saying?

1504: I cannot accidentally enter a trance in or out of character which causes me to predict the future or state things so I can get away with them.

1505: Dwarven chainsaws are not a group of hammers tied to a track moving at a fast rate.
1505b: Elves could make chainsaws and may have already done so
1505c: Gnomish chainsaws are not kobolds rapidly snacked against a flat surface

[BlackestOfMages]

1505d: to ri-itterate, there is no 'glorious chainsaw method'
1505e: OK, there is, but it requires a fighter with no sense motive, a negative intelegence score and maxed out TWF feats

[Dire Moose]

1496i. Upon realizing that the other party members are all chivalrous Lawful Good do-gooders, I am not allowed to use the world's cutest kitten as my phylactery.

[BlackestOfMages]

1496i. Upon realizing that the other party members are all chivalrous Lawful Good do-gooders, I am not allowed to use the world's cutest kitten as my phylactery.

of course not - you can't use living creatures!

oh, wait, you meant because of the LG - nah, that wouldn't help in the slightest. one part of duty is doing things for the good of the many

[Rockphed]

1496i. Upon realizing that the other party members are all chivalrous Lawful Good do-gooders, I am not allowed to use the world's cutest kitten as my phylactery.

1996j: If I ignore the above and one of them turns out to enjoy the taste of kitten stew, I am not allowed to complain.

1506: Dwarves do not have a racial taste for kitten.
1506b: Nor is the secret to dwarven craftsmanship kittens.

[Hiro Protagonest]

Did 1504 twice, so skip 1507.

1508. Not allowed to call my magic cannonball loaded with special abilities the "Buggy Ball".
1508a. Not allowed to call the grenade version the "Muggy Ball".

[Giarc]

1506c: The explanation for my dwarf killing every kitten we come across is not "Because the overseer told me to do so."
1506d: It may also not be "To protect others from their mind control powers."

1509: Cats do not have innate mind control powers.

[Metahuman1]

1496: I may not turn into a lich, no matter how in character it may be.
1496b: If I do turn into a lich, I may not use the indestructible plot central macguffin as my phylactery.

1510: If I do use the indestructible plot central Macguffin for my phylactery, I cannot complain when it is destroyed as part of the plot for the adventure.
1511: Even if the plot was railroaded.
1512: Even if it was in the middle of the adventure.
1513: Even if it only became part of the plot after I destroyed the last plot with the unkillable lich character.

[Randomguy]

1514. There are no swordchucks, yo.
1515. When confronted with a guard who always lies and one who always tells the truth, I may not cast zone of truth.
1516. As DM, I can't add in a guard that stabs people who ask tricky questions.

[Necroticplague]

1515. When confronted with a guard who always lies and one who always tells the truth, I may not cast zone of truth.
1516. As DM, I can't add in a guard that stabs people who ask tricky questions.

1517. As a player, I cannot use divinations to help with these types of problems.
1517a.Especially if the divination is "speak with dead"

[Lady Serpentine]

1506c: The explanation for my dwarf killing every kitten we come across is not "Because the overseer told me to do so."
1506d: It may also not be "To protect others from their mind control powers."

1509: Cats do not have innate mind control powers.

1509a: Except when they do.

[NNescio]

1506c: The explanation for my dwarf killing every kitten we come across is not "Because the overseer told me to do so."
1506d: It may also not be "To protect others from their mind control powers."

1509: Cats do not have innate mind control powers.

Urist cancels Slaughter Animal: Taken by Mood

[Esprit15]

1514. There are no swordchucks, yo.
1515. When confronted with a guard who always lies and one who always tells the truth, I may not cast zone of truth.
1516. As DM, I can't add in a guard that stabs people who ask tricky questions.

1515b: Nor may I attack one or both of the guards to see who denies being injured.