Relationship Woes and Advice XX: One X Short of an Awesome Title

[Hannes]

Huh.

I just found a deeper connection with another girl.

I'm not sure if it's just me looking for companionship so desperately or if I was wrong the first time or my mind just doesn't want to stay still.

So now I'm confused to the maximum degree. I feel the butterflies but I'm really cautious and won't let myself explode from happiness just yet because I'm afraid I just have a crush on an illusion and well, they higher they climb, the harder they fall.

Gah.

[DeadManSleeping]

Fun fact: "Get to know you better" isn't (just) a euphemism. If you're worried about falling in love with an illusion, then roll to disbelieve. If you're not sure what your feelings mean, explore them. Despite what movies have you believe, a date or two is not a commitment to a grand romance. It's very much permissible in our society to test drive someone as long as they're test driving back!

[term1nally s1ck]

TL:DR - You're saying shove a round peg into a square hole and smashing it till it fits correctly, I'm saying that both the peg and the hole need adjusting over a long period of time.

Someone who is experienced knows:
A) What is generally good.
B) More tricks and 'moves' to try and to see if their partner likes.
C) What THEY like.

An inexperienced partner knows almost none of the above. They may know a thing or two about what they like (namely, the ones they can do to themselves), but everything else they don't know about.

Having an experienced partner take the lead (which, just as in dancing, does NOT mean taking complete and total control, just guiding the process along,) will mean the fumbling and awkwardness that happens early on with any two partners, where both are trying to figure out what the other one likes, is done relatively quickly. If you just let the inexperienced partner explore at will, not only do they not know what the other person likes, they don't know what they *might* like, and are literally fumbling around in the dark.

It's like a relatively experienced computer-user trying to find out how to do X. They don't know exactly how it works, but they know what the most likely things to try are, and how to find more options if they aren't getting anywhere. If you send a complete novice at the same task, they're gonna take 10 times as long and probably cause some problems along the way.

Yes, both people need to be learning. However, the experienced person taking the lead makes that process of learning simpler, easier, and more enjoyable for all involved.

[Coidzor]

Hmm... So I find myself at an impasse as to how exactly to respond to a girl taking a blacklight and sneaking into my room while I was out walking the dog and running the blacklight over my bed in an attempt to find something incriminating.

This feels like a violation of trust and privacy at about 8 or 9 on the 1-10 scale.

Any suggestions?

[NineThePuma]

... Did she find anything incriminating?

[Coidzor]

... Did she find anything incriminating?

Does it matter? She has no business checking into my bed, especially considering she is decidedly not welcome there.

[arguskos]

Does it matter? She has no business checking into my bed, especially considering she is decidedly not welcome there.

...uh... why'd she do it? What reason did she have? Simple curiosity of "hmm, wonder if Coid be gettin' some"? Was it for some stranger "imma be a ****" purpose? Have you asked?

Additionally, have you said, "Hey! Don't do that kinda thing. That's pretty unacceptable."

Finally, why do you really care? Is this a housemate or some random person? If it's a housemate, that's more of an issue, but can be solved with something called a lock.

[NineThePuma]

Should we be migrating to a new thread?

[Coidzor]

While we don't have to immediately leave now and stop talking until we hit the bottom of the page, it is about time to make the new thread. Hopefully someone has an idea of what to title it.

Hmm, I hope Syka is doing well.

...uh... why'd she do it? What reason did she have? Simple curiosity of "hmm, wonder if Coid be gettin' some"? Was it for some stranger "imma be a ****" purpose? Have you asked?

Additionally, have you said, "Hey! Don't do that kinda thing. That's pretty unacceptable."

Finally, why do you really care? Is this a housemate or some random person? If it's a housemate, that's more of an issue, but can be solved with something called a lock.

Someone that I was fairly good friends with in Highschool but who has dropped down to acquaintance level good feelings through one thing or another. You may recall my mentioning a girl who was cheating on her fiance behind his back until she finally just couldn't be bothered and so browbeat him into staying with her while she started sleeping around openly rather than just on thesly.

She's apparently trying to "slut shame" me now, which is kind of as annoying as it is hypocritical of her. I'd say this is probably related to her moving in with that one girl who decided to start making "whore," "ho," "hoe," and "slut" her go-to greetings towards me via facebook chat.

I have yet to find a way to adequately convey my displeasure with that, as the only answer I can find to someone trying to "slut shame" me for being male is to do a violence upon them.

One of the few downsides to people eroding gender roles, the *ahem* individuals who think that it means that trying to make slut shaming of men a thing is the way to go rather than getting rid of the stupidity of calling girls sluts for having had sex outside of wedlock once.

Right now I only have the word of one other person who was in the house at the time and I was told this after the woman in question had departed. So I'm tempering my ire with the knowledge that it is possible that I am being deceived, and so I believe my appropriate response should include seeking confirmation of what exactly was going on there. Although, it's a rather sad indication of how our relationship has deteriorated that I trust the acquaintance I made a few months ago at Halloween about on the same level, possibly more, than I trust her word.

Mostly I care because of 1. I can only ascribe ill motives to such an act and 2. I do not like my privacy to be violated like that. It's like going through a man's collection of images of his significant other in flagrante delicto, unless he's decided to dump those images on 4chan already, but even then you don't go through his computer to view them.

[DeadManSleeping]

I made a new thread. The title is open to change, obviously. http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showt...php?p=12447151