My Little Pony XXVI: Applebloom to Zecora!

[Brazen Shield]

Announcement:
I've been listening to tetris songs ALL DAY, ponythread. This is your fault.

and I've been listening to THIS all day, and I blame you.
Just cuz I can~

[Beeskee]

Yay, dreams of midnight just went up on ED.

You should provide a link whenever you mention it. And maybe put a link in your signature. I think I starred the right one tho.

[Bayonet Priest]

Congratulations. BMiaRS got rejected again, so I'll have to go back and check through it. The pre-reader's responses were a bit mystifying, but I'm getting it checked through again on /fic/ and having it looked over by a couple of other friends.



There are little stars in the upper left corner of the blog post. Click the fifth star to the right to give it all five stars.

Ah, I see the culprit. It was my crappy, out-of-date version of Opera that refused to display the little stars thingy. It worked when I opened the page with my crappy, out-of-date version of Firefox. Thanks for telling me where to look though.

[dromer]

May I ask what is the reason given this time? It is mystifying considering some of the other material they do let through.

Spoil'd for pre-reader response text.

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Here's what I sent:

1.) Tags: [Dark][Sci-fi][Adventure][(History) Crossover]

2.) Title: Blue Moon in a Red Sky

3.) Description:
One thousand years ago, a new theory on magic leads to the discovery of Equestria's greatest weapon. The timing couldn't be worse; the United Stables and Union of Socialist Stallions Republic are at each other's throats. Ponykind must survive this cold war with a new kind of warfare; love and tolerance.

4.) Links:
(Links to the next and previous chapter are at the bottom of each chapter.)
Prologue: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1.../edit?hl=en_US
Chapter 1: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1.../edit?hl=en_US
2: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1.../edit?hl=en_US
3: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1.../edit?hl=en_US
4: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1.../edit?hl=en_US
5: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1.../edit?hl=en_US

5.) Characters: OCs, Tabula Rasa characters, Celestia and Luna
6.) Completion: Incomplete (1 of 4 crises, or 5 of ~20 chapters)
7.) Additional Tags: Celestia is a Communist, Pony Cold War
8.) Author: Dromer

Here's some of the stuff I got back.

This desperately needs a grammar and punctuation check.

Fair enough, I'd had issues with overloading sentences in the past.

Nice switch; the diamonds seem to impart memories now, though it's still morbid.

I never switched anything. :V

It was really difficult to understand what the author was doing and why. This entire story appears to be a bizarre mishmash of bits of Earth history and Ponies... with very little cohesiveness between the two. The story flits around so much, that it's next to impossible to understand what's going on... and after reading 3 chapters, I rapidly lost interest.

I've never had a reviewer say anything about this, but if the reviewer representing the common man said so...

I think that's something else that bothered me; too much is left unsaid. Some of the ponies were created somehow? But there's no explanation for that. It's just.. hand-waved.

Ironically, it's explained in more detail in chapter four.

I find it too difficult to care about the characters. I don't read a story because I want to work. I read a story because I want to relax and be entertained in some fashion. This story fails to do those things.

Characterization is another weak point of mine; I've done power projections, run tests on how far Cloudsdale could drift, rewrote half of the American Civil War to accomodate for the existence of Cloudsdale, but it's difficult for me to create a compelling character.

I give it the same mark I did before: It -NEEDS- Ponychan and not an author-provided overhaul.

I had it reviewed before, but I guess it wasn't enough. After most of these I made pretty extensive revisions, so I guess the new errors just replaced the old ones.

It's probably more of a 'not their cup of tea', but I'm guessing the issue may reside some dissonance between the reviewers and the pre-readers.

[Strife Warzeal]

I adore Through the Eyes of Another Pony. It's one of the fics that I SQUEEEE for when I see that there's a new chapter up.

Yeah I'm on what I think is currently the most recent chapter. I've found it enjoyable enough, much better than some stuff I've read.

I'll admit I've squeed over some stories being posted, and a male 16-year-old squeeing is... well let's just say it disturbed me that it happened.

[Beeskee]

Spoil'd for pre-reader response text.

It's probably more of a 'not their cup of tea', but I'm guessing the issue may reside some dissonance between the reviewers and the pre-readers.

There's a few things you can do based on what they said, double-check all the grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Break up long sentences. Basically do the opposite of what I do, instead of having long rambling lines and tons of commas instead of a properly formatted structure. (Edit: I do that a lot, I'm not saying you do but it is the one thing that got mentioned which could be easily corrected.)

Edit: Giving Ch1 a quick skim through, it looks more like it just wasn't the reviewers' "thing" rather than significant problems. There may be typos and grammatical errors but nothing I spotted immediately. Probably the best change would be a clearer warning that the story involves historical crossovers and that those not into such things probably won't enjoy it as much.

[Grif]

Spoil'd for pre-reader response text.

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Here's what I sent:


Here's some of the stuff I got back.


Fair enough, I'd had issues with overloading sentences in the past.


I never switched anything. :V



I've never had a reviewer say anything about this, but if the reviewer representing the common man said so...



Ironically, it's explained in more detail in chapter four.



Characterization is another weak point of mine; I've done power projections, run tests on how far Cloudsdale could drift, rewrote half of the American Civil War to accomodate for the existence of Cloudsdale, but it's difficult for me to create a compelling character.


I had it reviewed before, but I guess it wasn't enough. After most of these I made pretty extensive revisions, so I guess the new errors just replaced the old ones.

It's probably more of a 'not their cup of tea', but I'm guessing the issue may reside some dissonance between the reviewers and the pre-readers.

Definitely 'not their cup of tea' vibe I got there. Admittedly, I was a little surprised they were looking for such stringent standards now. I seen the reviews on ponychan; it's difficult to say really, I think your fic is good enough as it is, but I suppose it is true it is not everypony's cup of tea.

[Excession]

There are little stars in the upper left corner of the blog post. Click the fifth star to the right to give it all five stars.

Sometimes the stars don't show up. I often need to reload a couple of times. Make sure you wait for a few seconds after each reload, they're slow even when they are there.

General Derpy is the best Derpy:

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[BlasTech]

You should provide a link whenever you mention it. And maybe put a link in your signature. I think I starred the right one tho.

I should probably leave the honours to Espredrek, y'know, since he wrote it and all.

Oh who am I kidding

LINK'D!

Sometimes the stars don't show up. I often need to reload a couple of times. Make sure you wait for a few seconds after each reload, they're slow even when they are there.

General Derpy is the best Derpy:

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Holy cripes

That's cool! Who knew she could transform into a badflank just by putting on an eyepatch.

[MCerberus]

Is it bad the first thing I noticed about the General Derpy comic is "Luna making a sammich SQUEEE"

[EsperDerek]

I'm currently in a half-comatose state (yay, no sleep and then work!) so I'm just gonna say thanks, everypony.

[Beeskee]

I should probably leave the honours to Espredrek, y'know, since he wrote it and all.

Oh who am I kidding

LINK'D!

lol I'm getting my ponies confused. Derp.



General Derpy is awesome!

[Rappy]

Curses, these threads move so fast.

Still around, and still watching. It's just that I'm quietly watching from the shadows of the thread. Always.

Yes, even then.

[Kindablue]

Curses, these threads move so fast.

Still around, and still watching. It's just that I'm quietly watching from the shadows of the thread. Always.

Even when we're--

Yes, even then.

[HalfTangible]

Even when we're--

And you should be very ashamed of yourself

[Kindablue]

And you should be very ashamed of yourself

ETA:

This is minimalist, slow, and really, really badass:
The Edge of Night - Friendship is Magic PMV

[Geno9999]

Bronies, I just realized this:
We're having a Luna/Halloween Episode. Which means, Friendship is Magic + Luna + This Song = The Best Halloween EVER!!!

[the_druid_droid]

Geeze, sorry to hear that. I hope things turn around for you folk soon. I wish I could do more to help, but I'm cut off from my tools and my prime pony folder right now...

*hugs*

Ohjeez how did I miss that.

*offers many pony hugs, and a picture*

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Keep smilin'!

Edit: Or two pictures. :)

Ooh. I missed that post, too.

http://ponibooru.413chan.net/post/vi...38?search=cute

http://ponibooru.413chan.net/post/vi...92?search=cute

I hope these help, druid droid. Feel better.

Thanks all. Today was a better day, though it was busy. This week has apparently just decided to kick me around...

Thanks everyone. Yeah, I'm worried as heck, but everything seems to be okay, and she's bounced back a lot quicker this time compared to last time. I just hope she's okay tonight; and we really, really don't want this to happen again.

I hope things go well for you guys. I'm sorry to hear the past few days have been so turbulent.

Sometimes the stars don't show up. I often need to reload a couple of times. Make sure you wait for a few seconds after each reload, they're slow even when they are there.

General Derpy is the best Derpy:

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General Derpy is AWESOME! I would totally follow her to Hades and back!

[SiuiS]

AVATAR WORK

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here we have the first two that I did as roughs.

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PROS
- more detail; gritty character lends itself better to my art style
- succeeds at intimidating Mafioso posture

CONS
- hand/cane position anatomically wrong (looks good though)
- bust style not what recipient wanted

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PROS
- shows whole body
- good practice

CONS
- body to covered; works best as a bust/portrait
- anatomy defies standard ideas of positioning; huge arms + tiny legs = implied perspective fail
- cane came out wonky

-

From these I learned a bit more about my strengths. Having the diamond dog be fully clothed would work much better than having partial clothing such as a single vest or open blazer. Tie is a hit (though I'm considering a bow tie).


DIAMOND DOG ANATOMY
D-Dogs have thick, pop-eye style forearms, and stubby, comically sized rear legs. Their elbows are ball and socket joints, and frequently bend "backwards" when the elbow is above the head.
For example; the first attempt had elbows below the head, hands below the elbows. Unless the cane was 10" long, the elbows would be above the shoulder, and the forearms would slope down sharply. Weird.

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Their usual vest style gives them a strong triangular silhouette, broad shouldered. In reality, they are scrawny buggers with splayed arms. Posture is horrific, though I suppose that could be why the avatar uses a cane- to stand tall over his fellows.

The second anatomy example uses the same head shape as the leader of the D-Dogs, as does the first example avatar. The other head styles are these;

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Of which I think the second would be good, but not as strong a choice. The leader has the pointed, "chiseled" jaw one expects from a criminal master. Same with the eyes; flat lines underneath, rounded tops and yet strong brow ridges give him a mean, calculated and hate-filled look. D-Dog head #3, the one with down ears, could get the same effect with effort, and has a more pleasing head shape when discounting the eyes. The two could be mixed if needed.

STYLE OF DRESS

Looking at previous attempts, I have to change my stance;*

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The Sher Khan, fully cloned look does wonders for the D-Dog physique. Like any good Mafioso uniform, it hides apparent weakness and gives a sense of stability and bulk that looking at the exposed, stooped torso doesn't.

The hat is a fixture that will stay. It's nice. Positioning though;

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Works best at the leve (#3)l, or even the head tilted forward design (#1). Looking downwards, where you can see the underside of the hat brim, gives less a sense of strength. We want him staring forward like he's ready for a fight;

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SUGGESTED COURSE OF ACTION

I suggest the following.
Fully clothed D-Dog, tie tucked into blazer.
Either
— leader head (as current) with no eyepatch (keep acar)
— bigger D-Dog head with eyepatch
Facing camera, hands on cane
Hat brim level with camera


Alternate poses considered where looking at pocket watch, arms folded with cane inside (looking over shoulder lime in Dexam's avatar), or hands steeples in front of face, holding cane (showing just eyes and maybe nose; works best as close up and not full-body).

I can try pretty much anything, but I won't be able to help you out unless you can think of specifics. The more detail you give me, the less I will let you down. This is not an Art of the Dress style episode! XD

If you can Think of the picture you want in your mind, and give me detailed descriptions, I'll work on it for you. Otherwise, we're going to continue with phoneavatar tag. I'm fine with that, but I suspect both you and Thanqol are rip-roarin' and ready for the next phase

-

You guys suck. The more I think about it, the more I realize that horrid, barely scraping by why am I doing this? Feeling was enjoyable. I will go over the scrap story and see if I can make it presentable enough for mixed company.

-

Working seven days a week puts a big damper on my free time. I'm jonesin' to geek with other people, and I suspect Braz would, um...

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Be upset if I were to spend more time on the online videogamings, even if only the gearings of the third war.

Heavens help me, I think I'm going to have to look into the pony RP threads
Thanqol, make November come faster!

-

Braz? Honey? What happened to the bathroom mirrors? And the oven door? And all the other conveniently mirror-like surfaces in the apartment?

-

How do you star something on Equestria Daily? I've never figured it out and I want to start rating stories that I like.

They often don't show up. I don't know what it is but I haven't been able to rate anything for months. Irritating.

Ah, I see the culprit. It was my crappy, out-of-date version of Opera that refused to display the little stars thingy. It worked when I opened the page with my crappy, out-of-date version of Firefox. Thanks for telling me where to look though.

Aww, this means I have a crappy out-of-date iPhone.

Curses, these threads move so fast.

Hi Rappy! How ya doin?

Still around, and still watching. It's just that I'm quietly watching from the shadows of the thread. Always.

Yes, even then.

Even When... We...

...

Even when we're--

Hmph. The more clever ponies we get, the less awesome I become.
I must find a way to fix this. To the SELFIMPROVEMENT-O-TRON!

[otakuryoga]

Curses, these threads move so fast.

Still around, and still watching. It's just that I'm quietly watching from the shadows of the thread. Always.

Yes, even then.

so...you are saying you like to watch...

yeah...i dont think that even rates a blip on the strange-ometer in THIS thread

Announcement:
I've been listening to tetris songs ALL DAY, ponythread. This is your fault.

ooooooo, bad news then... they have this up over on EQD atm
3.) The complete history of Soviet Equestria arranged to the Melody of Tetris http://www.youtube.com/embed/YMFVY57dksE

[Kris Strife]

I'm currently in a half-comatose state (yay, no sleep and then work!) so I'm just gonna say thanks, everypony.

*either caffeinates or tranquilizes, based on personal preference*

[Roninhirox]

Why doesn't Fiddler on the Roof have an all Pony cast that would be so much better.

Edit: Also why does it have to be so long?

[Kindablue]

This is the best ED banner I've seen:

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Thanks all. Today was a better day, though it was busy. This week has apparently just decided to kick me around...

Sorry to hear that. If it makes you feel any better, I would sacrifice drifters to you. I would say virgins, but school started recently and those aren't in season.

Why doesn't Fiddler on the Roof have an all Pony cast that would be so much better.

Not pony, but, well... I'm kind of one note, you see.

[Rappy]

Hi Rappy! How ya doin?

I've been doing alright. Writing stuff for my own personal projects (urban fantasy, not Pony), still kinda geek fangirling over John de Lancie essentially reprising Q with Discord in this season of MLP, reading various stuff, playing video games (Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor Overclocked in particular)... The usual.

so...you are saying you like to watch...

...Well played.

[Roninhirox]

Not pony, but, well... I'm kind of one note, you see.

Ha awesome, I think Kurgan owns that cd its awesome, also it all I can hear when they sing in this movie.

[Zevox]

This is the best ED banner I've seen:

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*GL-fan-nerdgasm*

Okay, gotta save that! (And now I suddenly want to see Fluttershy as a Blue Lantern or Star Sapphire - not sure just at the moment which is more appropriate. Oo, and Angryshy as a Red Lantern. And Discorded Fluttershy and/or Pinkie in the Sinestro Corps. [Sheesh, just how many kinds of Lantern can Fluttershy possibly fit as anyway?].)

Since I'm on Ponibooru and posting at the same time, have some d'aw:

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Also, Ponysona!

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Wow this is bigger than it looked on Ponibooru.

And also, this image genuinely scares me:

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Zevox

[Kris Strife]

*GL-fan-nerdgasm*

Okay, gotta save that! (And now I suddenly want to see Fluttershy as a Blue Lantern or Star Sapphire - not sure just at the moment which is more appropriate. Oo, and Angryshy as a Red Lantern. And Discorded Fluttershy and/or Pinkie in the Sinestro Corps. [Sheesh, just how many kinds of Lantern can Fluttershy possibly fit as anyway?].)
Zevox

Clearly she'd be a green lantern. What is The Stare but concentrated will power?

[Beeskee]

I'll just leave this here...

[Kindablue]

*GL-fan-nerdgasm*

Okay, gotta save that! (And now I suddenly want to see Fluttershy as a Blue Lantern or Star Sapphire - not sure just at the moment which is more appropriate. Oo, and Angryshy as a Red Lantern. And Discorded Fluttershy and/or Pinkie in the Sinestro Corps. [Sheesh, just how many kinds of Lantern can Fluttershy possibly fit as anyway?].)

Here's some more:

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ETA:

Clearly she'd be a green lantern. What is The Stare but concentrated will power?

Fear.

I'll just leave this here...

Get some headphones.

[Kris Strife]

Here's some more:

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Fear.

She can only use it by defeating her own fear, and it lets her resist even a cockatrice's gaze.