Relationship Woes and Advice 21: Time To Go Bar-Hopping

[DeadManSleeping]

H Birchgrove:

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Three pictures. One of them being a generic avatar-cartoon that's useless, and in violation of the photo rules. Another which is you, sitting around in your room. The third is your second, only crappier. If all you have is webcam/cellphone images alone in your room, that makes a statement about your social life. No, going to the bathroom instead does not improve anything.

From there, be honest with me. If I were a cute girl reading your profile, what would stand out about it enough to make me want to message? Yes, I'm excluding guys. Practically speaking, so are you. I'd tell you the exact line where you crash and burn, but if you don't see it yourself, it's not my place to help you cover that trait from other guys. Not coincidentally, it's also where you go from milquetoast to a proper crash&burn with girls as well.

BTW. Giving top billing to a petition means that their attention is directed to it. Not only that, but it's a sucky petition. Match.com does not own OKC; they're both subsidiaries of IAC. And while turning every field into a text box (how many profiles open with "I hate writing these things..."?) may give some folks warm fuzzies, it makes actual searches incredibly obnoxious. Identity politics is the same thing that brought the site such gems as needing two distinct fields to convey the same information about what sort of person you're looking for.

Aggressive advice is generally frowned upon here. Especially the kind where you express intent to avoid helping someone.

However, Birch, the things he did manage to point out are definitely things you should change. I'd give you more, but I gotta leave for work. If you haven't procured a mate by the time I return, I'll see what I can do.

[The Succubus]

H Birchgrove:

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Three pictures. One of them being a generic avatar-cartoon that's useless, and in violation of the photo rules. Another which is you, sitting around in your room. The third is your second, only crappier. If all you have is webcam/cellphone images alone in your room, that makes a statement about your social life. No, going to the bathroom instead does not improve anything.

From there, be honest with me. If I were a cute girl reading your profile, what would stand out about it enough to make me want to message? Yes, I'm excluding guys. Practically speaking, so are you. I'd tell you the exact line where you crash and burn, but if you don't see it yourself, it's not my place to help you cover that trait from other guys. Not coincidentally, it's also where you go from milquetoast to a proper crash&burn with girls as well.

BTW. Giving top billing to a petition means that their attention is directed to it. Not only that, but it's a sucky petition. Match.com does not own OKC; they're both subsidiaries of IAC. And while turning every field into a text box (how many profiles open with "I hate writing these things..."?) may give some folks warm fuzzies, it makes actual searches incredibly obnoxious. Identity politics is the same thing that brought the site such gems as needing two distinct fields to convey the same information about what sort of person you're looking for.

Wow. That's unusually harsh for you, Reluctance. You're usually good with the advice and always present it in a calm and measured manner. I agree that Birch's piccies need a little refinement but a less aggressive way would have been better.

[H Birchgrove]

@ To everyone who have replied to me.

I would only have the "good" photo, unless OKCupido hadn't asked me to post more, IIRC. And yes, I only have webcam and mobile phone camera. (Though my new Android should have a better camera than my old one, and unlike my previous phone, I should be able to move pictures from the phone to the computer.)

I have that petition because 1) a friend of mine has the same link on her profile, and 2) it's a subject close to my heart. I may move it to the end of the intro or delete it (if the petition isn't over, my Facebook and Twitter walls may be better for it).

I don't get the part about "warm fuzzies", and I'm not sure if you think I have too much text or too little. Nor do I get the "crash and burn" stuff. I certainly can not find the part where I said that I didn't like to write about myself. I will edit the Favourite books etc part either way, I know I have tendency to name drop such things. (On the other hand, I think that many persons write way too little in that section.)

Thanks to those who replied to me... kindly.

[Glass Mouse]

@Birchgrove: The only thing that springs to my mind (and this may be what Reluctance means? I don't know) is that the "not sure about my sexuality" part may be a little off-putting. No one likes to feel like an experiment, or to put in the effort for someone who may go "nope, sorry, not into your gender after all!".

Plus, y'know, the age old gospel of confidence and all that. Being relaxed and confident in your sexuality is a lot sexier than second-guessing and doubt.

Of course, some girls find over-thinking cute (*cough*), but maybe save it for something less... important?

Dunno, just a thought, I know next to nothing about this

[H Birchgrove]

Aha. Very well, then. That part originates from my confused feelings about a semester ago. I thought my edits had made my changed feelings clear, but I guess they have not.

Funny though, most people who have contacted me have been gay men. Same with my Twoo profile. (Which I wouldn't mind, if they weren't about 10 years older than me.)

[Coidzor]

Aha. Very well, then. That part originates from my confused feelings about a semester ago. I thought my edits had made my changed feelings clear, but I guess they have not.

Funny though, most people who have contacted me have been gay men. Same with my Twoo profile. (Which I wouldn't mind, if they weren't about 10 years older than me.)

Well, a guy who is sexually confused as to which way he went or if he went both ways, would generally be considered a less attractive person to try to get to know to see if one was interested or wanted to get involved, as very few people want to start to get interested in someone or start to see someone or get attached and then get dumped because the sexual confusion ended and there was no interest. It's one of several areas where aside from flings, the prevailing sentiment is generally going to be that one really wants to resolve that kind of lack of clarity or direction or whathaveyou before one can really give a relationship a proper go of it.

Also, it is an observed phenomenon that women take the first step a lot less often towards men, especially on dating websites, so if you appeared available to men in a romantic or sexual sense, then you would receive a disproportionate amount of first contacts from men rather than women.

OKCupid released some of their internal figures on such things a while back, should still be able to find it on there. I believe one of the biggest contributing factors to this was that women seemed to generally be inundated with offers and so had to spend a lot more time in their inboxes filtering out who to actually respond to at all.

[Comrade]

OKCupid tells me I am very aggressive, highly bad-mannered and evidently not at all romantic.

This may explain a thing or two about my success when it comes to romance

(on the other hand, I got a high 'cool' score, so...cool? :v)

[Reluctance]

@ To everyone who have replied to me.

I would only have the "good" photo, unless OKCupido hadn't asked me to post more, IIRC. And yes, I only have webcam and mobile phone camera. (Though my new Android should have a better camera than my old one, and unlike my previous phone, I should be able to move pictures from the phone to the computer.)

Mobile phone pics will cost you some points, but it's the whole "alone in my room" thing that really hurts you. When you're out with friends somewhere interesting, ask one to snap a picture. You have two main goals here; you want to have an eye-catching thumbnail, and you want to show that you're a fun guy to go out and do stuff with. That's best shown by having photos of you going out and doing fun stuff.

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After that, we'll break the profile into two sections: The petition and Most Private Thing, and everything else. Everything Else, go back to the "imagine I'm a hot chick, why would I write you?" exercise. It's a collection of descriptions and nerd jokes that could cover any generic nerd equally well. You blend in perfectly with the pack of other generic nerd boys. You then further hurt your chances with "message me if ... you want to take the initiative" and "looking for ... casual sex". Really, again, tell me why a girl would prefer you over the competition.

For guys, you might get some attention as a bi dude offering casual sex. Any guy looking for more than a quick encounter will see the huge "I'm questioning" mess (you're 27, dude), see you flat-out state that you prefer women, and stay well clear.

I have that petition because 1) a friend of mine has the same link on her profile, and 2) it's a subject close to my heart. I may move it to the end of the intro or delete it (if the petition isn't over, my Facebook and Twitter walls may be better for it).

I don't get the part about "warm fuzzies", and I'm not sure if you think I have too much text or too little. Nor do I get the "crash and burn" stuff. I certainly can not find the part where I said that I didn't like to write about myself. I will edit the Favourite books etc part either way, I know I have tendency to name drop such things. (On the other hand, I think that many persons write way too little in that section.)

First, the petition. You have no problem giving age limits and geographic limits on who you're looking for. Those in turn are dependent on the site being able to have clear, concrete values for those. Since gender is at least as important as age to most people, saying "I am a $gender, interested in $gender(s)" means that you want clear, defined values for these, too. Your only options are to attempt to create an exhaustive list (that will inevitably leave someone off), or leave the whole thing as an open text box (making useful searches a pain). The site already has one excursion into silliness on that front, it doesn't need more.

MPT, meanwhile, is really really terribad. Sounding so unsure, and being so wishy-washy about it, sounds like you're only saying that stuff to put social justice notches on your bedpost in the hopes of being attracted to the girls you really want*. The whole "I see all sorts of beauty because I have opened my mind" is responsible for the creation of a very obnoxious bisexual stereotype. You don't want to be that. If nothing else, the implication is that homos could cure themselves if they only opened their minds and learned to appreciate the beauty of the opposite sex. You're saying "I will fetishize you based on what you are". You're saying "I'm trying to pass being indiscriminate off as a virtue". You should post here and ask peoples thoughts. It really is that bad.

*(The funny part of it is that the girls you really want - cis, white, young, affluent, etc. - aren't into that. When they don't think they're being rated on their social justice cred, more often than not they'll happily expound on how they want Manly Men. And how a man who takes it from other men can't possibly be manly enough. Even ones who go off the deep end the other way make a conspicuous exception. They're happy to earn feminist cred by claiming "only women (and trans guys) need apply"**. Bi guys are either lumped in as rapacious privilege-mongers, or fail to exist.)

**(Who these girls actually get around to doing is another story. But that's for some other time.)

[DeadManSleeping]

There's nothing wrong with constructing a profile that attracts the RIGHT kind of mate rather than the greatest NUMBER of mates.

I personally know women who would be more attracted to a profile full of nerd jokes than a profile full of, well, just about anything else. But it's true that you need to stand out from the pack.

If I were to make an OKCupid or Match.com or whatever profile, it'd be sure to include:
My guitar
My sense of fashion
My tastes/abilities/hobbies that might not fit in with any stereotypes pertaining to me (e.g. I kind of enjoy rock climbing and would totally do it as a date)
My incredible nerdishness (if you don't want to date someone who finds D&D old hat, then seriously, we shouldn't waste either of our times talking)
More insight to my personal philosophies than my personal politics

My profile would not look "generic nerd", even though it'd be a pretty nerdy profile. Make it insightful! Make it easy to learn from! Make it stylish!

[Comrade]

There's nothing wrong with constructing a profile that attracts the RIGHT kind of mate rather than the greatest NUMBER of mates.

I'd agree with this. Inexperienced though I confess to be in the art of making profiles for dating sites, I'd say just write what you are, how you are, the way you naturally do, instead of specifically aiming for something or a certain way of having the profile. If anything, it is more accurate to who you are.

[Coidzor]

My profile would not look "generic nerd", even though it'd be a pretty nerdy profile. Make it insightful! Make it easy to learn from! Make it stylish!

Aye, just as one's plumage needs to be eye-catching in nature, so too does one's profile.

Of course, even catchy plumage won't suffice if you neglect your mating song.

Which in this extended metaphor would be first messages and keeping up the repartee and/or rapport until one can seal the deal, so to speak, which in this further extended metaphor is either a date, congress, or a relationship, depending upon the individual.

Though, as in nature, unless you're planning something nefarious, like eating them or something, you want to attract members of one's own species, as that's all you'll really have a use for.

Which in this woefully overextended metaphor is me saying that I'm not disagreeing with the point of being one's self or advocating deception.

[Reluctance]

I'd agree with this. Inexperienced though I confess to be in the art of making profiles for dating sites, I'd say just write what you are, how you are, the way you naturally do, instead of specifically aiming for something or a certain way of having the profile. If anything, it is more accurate to who you are.

Except not so much.

You do want to express yourself, for the simple purpose of not wasting your time with extraordinarily bad matches. But at the same time, you want to make yourself attractive to other people as well. You want them to be interested/excited to meet you, otherwise the whole thing is a bust.

You don't use bastardized textspeak on a profile/forum, no matter how much effort it saves you. You don't throw on a ratty, stained t-shirt when you're going out to meet new people, no matter how much you like it. And you don't halfass your way through a profile by filling it with cliches. At least, not if you want something resembling realistic odds of success.

[DeadManSleeping]

I am hesitant to give this advice again, because it caused a long, somewhat annoying argument last time, but it's relevant.

The key is to be who you are, but do so as attractively as you can.

Writing is a skill. I could, with time, teach most anyone to write in a manner which conveys both their ideas and emotions with clarity and strength. Learning this skill to make your profile more attractive is not an attempt to deceive anyone about yourself. It is simply a way to communicate better.

[Admiral Squish]

I've sort of placed myself in a pickle in terms of relationships. Namely that I've mentally neutered myself as a survival mechanism.

See, after many years of getting bullied, tricked, shot down, and openly mocked by all members of the opposite sex that I either approached or was approached by in a romantic fashion, I essentially forced myself to stop viewing things like 'dating' and 'relationships' to be possible. There were many years of self-imposed exile from society as a whole, with me spending as little time in the company of others as possible, preferring instead the soothing glow of the internet.

However, now, I feel, things are changing. I've got a job, and friends, and the money and transport required to go places and hang out. But my brain seems to be stuck in this self-defense mode. I can see pretty girls, and talk to pretty girls, but the idea that I could do something like flirt or get her number or something is completely alien to me. I mean, logically, I'm aware of the possibility, but some part of me doesn't really understand that it's an option. I'm concerned that I've isolated myself for too long. That I've fallen so far behind my peers in this skill that it's no longer possible to catch up. I don't want to live my life as a hermit surrounded by people. I need help here.

[Reluctance]

Squish: Join activities. Put yourself in places where women are. You sound like you'd be more comfortable with someone you have some sense of, rather than cold-approaching. (Alternate possibility: Online dating. You know a couple of things about them off the bat. Most importantly, that they're single and interested.)

{Scrubbed}

[Sholos]

My profile is H_Birchgrove, if anyone would like to take a looksee.



89% Match
80% Friend
11% Enemy

If only you weren't straight...

Haha, you're actually not the first person to say that to me. Any ladies out there, though?

As for my profile, I didn't think it was that generic, given the number of specific things I talk about.... I guess I don't really know how to "show" that I'm a fun person. As for photos, well, that's a hard one, since there are very few pictures of me around. I just don't end up in them, for the most part.

[Reluctance]

Sholos: I understand the frustration of having friends who constantly refuse to take pictures. In that case, either go around town pretending to be a tourist and ask strangers, or get to know some art students and ask them. If need absolutely be, offer to pay a bit for anyone who can help you find good backgrounds/angles/etc.

There are two tricks to making your profile pop. The first part is easy; go search for other guys around your age, by match. Local is preferred but not necessary. After reading a dozen or so profiles of guys like you, you'll start to see the overused cliches. You can then avoid them.

The second trick, evocative writing and having an active voice, is unfortunately beyond what can be covered in a message board post. Read more, and/or take a writing class.

[Starwulf]

Sholos: I understand the frustration of having friends who constantly refuse to take pictures. In that case, either go around town pretending to be a tourist and ask strangers, or get to know some art students and ask them. If need absolutely be, offer to pay a bit for anyone who can help you find good backgrounds/angles/etc.

There are two tricks to making your profile pop. The first part is easy; go search for other guys around your age, by match. Local is preferred but not necessary. After reading a dozen or so profiles of guys like you, you'll start to see the overused cliches. You can then avoid them.

The second trick, evocative writing and having an active voice, is unfortunately beyond what can be covered in a message board post. Read more, and/or take a writing class.

The kinder bit of what I have to say to you first. I'm not sure I understand your frustration. Do you actively ask your friends to take pictures of you and they refuse? If that's the case, I can see being frustrated, but if you're just annoyed that they don't just randomly take pictures of you, I don't get this at all. Of my three closest friends, I have exactly one picture of any of them that is recent, and that's because he was married in September and I was a groomsmen. Beyond that, the most recent photo of any of them that I have is 12 years ago when me and my best friend graduated high school. Some friends just don't see the point in taking pictures, it's kinda strange if you ask me.

{Scrubbed}

[Skeppio]

{Scrubbed}

[Vella_Malachite]

Sorry about the jump back in conversation, guys, just wanted to say thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one.

Now, to get back to planning the next conquest...

[Liffguard]

Ah screw it. I'll jump on the bandwagon. Eviscerate my profile (please).

[Vella_Malachite]

@Liffguard - as someone who doesn't know a lot about this stuff, I'd say that I like your spiel; it's very specific and it gives a good picture of who you are. I'm not so sure about the "litany against fear" part; I'd probably put a self-deprecating joke there instead, but I don't know what that's a reference to, so it might well be.
The profile picture is not a bad picture, but I'd take it from a higher angle because the lighting will flatter you more that way.
That's only a basic first-glance typed thing; I really don't know a lot about this, but there are my two cents....

As for me, I'd like to ask a quick question of the Playground. There's a guy (isn't there always (for straight girls and gay men anyway)?) and I'm pretty interested, and I'm pretty sure he's interested, too. I've even managed to organise it so we'll see each other once a week at a club he runs that I'm joining.
I was wondering what signs people usually look for to tell if someone's interested or not? Plus any flirting advice...I'm not very good at it, and I'm usually tripped up by trying to both look like I'm interested and having plausible deniability if he's not. This is mainly to shore up my confidence before I see him again in two weeks' time and have to start interacting with him again, so any well wishes would also be appreciated .

Thanks,
Vella

[Liffguard]

I'm not so sure about the "litany against fear" part; I'd probably put a self-deprecating joke there instead, but I don't know what that's a reference to, so it might well be.

Yep, it already is a sort of self-deprecating joke. It's from the scifi book Dune. Might be a bit too obscure.

[Dvil]

Yep, it already is a sort of self-deprecating joke. It's from the scifi book Dune. Might be a bit too obscure.

Well, you did say you're looking for someone who'll understand the little geeky references you make

[Vella_Malachite]

Ah, right. In that case, ignore my comment; it's obviously something I haven't come across myself. Continue as you were.

[Frozen_Feet]

{Scrub the post, scrub the quote}

... may I butt in for a moment?

While the way Reluctance put it makes it sound quite bad, it can be good for both parties involved, as long as it's done civilly.

A lot of people have even tighter sieve for internet dating than they have for, say, picking up company from a bar (not the least because search functions allow for better screening and of more people in less time). Looking at some dating forums, the message is quite bleak: a lot of guys state they will never even send a message to "fat" girls, single mothers, or girls who look like they've been around a lot, yadda yadda, their rationales often being outrageously sexist or just mean.

Of course, this means that the portion of thin, young and pretty-looking girls are the target for majority of messaging, allowing them to pick and choose. But this also means sending any message to them is competing against dozens of other people, making the whole process more like sending job applications than anything to do with romance. The chances of even getting a casual conversation up are small.

So, there are a lot of those "desperate for affection" who never get a single proper reply because they fail to meet someone's asinine qualifications, or because their profile is too cliched, or because they're bad writers yadda yadda. But these reasons have nothing to do with them being bad dates. And since their attention isn't exhausted by umpteen cookie-cutter messages, there's much higher chance of you getting through to them.

Going past the first impression of a poor profile and contacting someone "less-than-ideal" is thus likely to net you both more than just waiting for your "perfect match" will.

[Coidzor]

If you're clear about it not being something that is going to try to be long term or terminate in marriage, well, it is what it is.

Something that builds up experience while providing some measure of attention and affection to underserved groups.

And really, considering the overarching culture, simply saying "fat chicks," while unsavory isn't really the equivalent of eating babies in front of a fertility clinic that it's being made out to be.

Despite certain aspects of feminism finding the term sexist, we hardly bat an eye at someone using the term "chick" or "chicks" in this thread, generally speaking, so that angle is not really a legitimate grounds for lynching.

Which leaves fat which is a simple descriptor. And really, if overfat or obese women are actively viewed as a portion of the population that is... vulnerable to predation simply by virtue of being approached, well, I rather doubt that they're desperate enough to not detect the condescension inherent in that kind of worldview in trying to mack on them, or whathaveyou.

I would say that of the two, it's the single mothers who would have the most potential for things to go awry and for the women to feel misused if things are not handled properly or well.

Some friends just don't see the point in taking pictures, it's kinda strange if you ask me.

It shouldn't really matter whether they "see a point" or not when it comes to doing an easy, very short duration favor for someone who is ostensibly a friend.

[DeadManSleeping]

I was wondering what signs people usually look for to tell if someone's interested or not? Plus any flirting advice...I'm not very good at it, and I'm usually tripped up by trying to both look like I'm interested and having plausible deniability if he's not. This is mainly to shore up my confidence before I see him again in two weeks' time and have to start interacting with him again, so any well wishes would also be appreciated .

To tell if a guy's interested, look about halfway down.

Okay, for serious, that's actually a bad plan. Attraction expresses itself in different ways depending on environment. It's been the case where I've been attracted to someone and essentially acted the exact same towards them as people I'm not attracted to. But here are some signs.

1. He can't keep his hands off you. Casual or "accidental" contact seems to happen a lot with this fellow.
2. No matter how many people you're out with, he always manages to single you out for conversation/whatever.
3. All that stuff you do to subtly let him know you're attracted to him, he does too. You are doing stuff like that, right? You should.
4. Mirroring body language. Not everyone does it, but it's something to look for.

And flirting, well, flirting is just talking. Stick with lighthearted topics, keep them interpersonally focused (talking about Pokemon is bad. Talking about your target's Pokemon play strategies is good. Casually mentioning how his Pokemon strategies might relate to his sexual/romantic life is especially good). The end goal of flirting is to never be talking about sex, but to make sure your target is definitely thinking about it anyway. Which is a lot easier to do with guys

[Admiral Squish]

I've sort of placed myself in a pickle in terms of relationships. Namely that I've mentally neutered myself as a survival mechanism.

See, after many years of getting bullied, tricked, shot down, and openly mocked by all members of the opposite sex that I either approached or was approached by in a romantic fashion, I essentially forced myself to stop viewing things like 'dating' and 'relationships' to be possible. There were many years of self-imposed exile from society as a whole, with me spending as little time in the company of others as possible, preferring instead the soothing glow of the internet.

However, now, I feel, things are changing. I've got a job, and friends, and the money and transport required to go places and hang out. But my brain seems to be stuck in this self-defense mode. I can see pretty girls, and talk to pretty girls, but the idea that I could do something like flirt or get her number or something is completely alien to me. I mean, logically, I'm aware of the possibility, but some part of me doesn't really understand that it's an option. I'm concerned that I've isolated myself for too long. That I've fallen so far behind my peers in this skill that it's no longer possible to catch up. I don't want to live my life as a hermit surrounded by people. I need help here.

For all the outrage Reluctance's comment has generated, he seems to be the only one who actually has given advice for the problem.

Also, looking back at it, I realize that I wrote that when I was very nearly asleep and I should perhaps clarify. I used to be an outcast and a loner. I got bullied by a lot of people, and often pretty girls I was attracted to were the worst of them. Some of them would pretend to be interested in me, only to turn on me once they'd lured me out of the proverbial shell. So, out of self-interest, I eventually decided the only way I was going to survive this was to just decide that me having a relationship, or having a girl like me, was simply impossible. It sorta worked. There were a few times when I let down my guard enough to get a fresh lesson on the subject, but overall, I didn't fall for the tricks as often.

But this was all years ago. The problem is I'm now in a situation where I'm older and wiser, and feel that it's time to start actually looking for a lady. But the old habits won't die. The prospect of putting myself out there is paralyzing, and even if I am logically aware that the stupid high school bull is no longer a concern, I still find myself unable to make a move. That's the first issue. The second is that even if I were ABLE to make such a move, I wouldn't know how. I have no practice whatsoever. My only experience with male/female interactions has been gleaned from romantic comedies and such, which everyone I've asked has declared to be pretty much useless. I have no idea how one asks for a number in such a way that it doesn't come off as creepy, I'm terrible at small talk, and let's not even get into what one would do on a date.

[Starwulf]

If you're clear about it not being something that is going to try to be long term or terminate in marriage, well, it is what it is.

Something that builds up experience while providing some measure of attention and affection to underserved groups.

And really, considering the overarching culture, simply saying "fat chicks," while unsavory isn't really the equivalent of eating babies in front of a fertility clinic that it's being made out to be.

Despite certain aspects of feminism finding the term sexist, we hardly bat an eye at someone using the term "chick" or "chicks" in this thread, generally speaking, so that angle is not really a legitimate grounds for lynching.

Which leaves fat which is a simple descriptor. And really, if overfat or obese women are actively viewed as a portion of the population that is... vulnerable to predation simply by virtue of being approached, well, I rather doubt that they're desperate enough to not detect the condescension inherent in that kind of worldview in trying to mack on them, or whathaveyou.

I would say that of the two, it's the single mothers who would have the most potential for things to go awry and for the women to feel misused if things are not handled properly or well.



It shouldn't really matter whether they "see a point" or not when it comes to doing an easy, very short duration favor for someone who is ostensibly a friend.

Please note that I did say if he was specifically ASKING them to take photos, I could understand his frustration. But if he is frustrated because they don't randomly take pictures, I can't understand that, lots of people I know don't randomly take pictures.

As far as the "Fat Chick" bit goes, it's rude to call a woman that, whether they care or not. It's demeaning, and it may not always be their fault entirely(there are outside issues aside from just eating that leads to being overweight and not being able to get it off).

Also, please note, that his advice clearly and specifically said "If you're looking for an ego boost". That's low-down and rotten to specifically target "Fat Chicks" and "Single Moms" STRICTLY for an Ego Boost. To me, I read that as saying "you should date those once or twice just so you can feel better about yourself" which would imply that if you date one of those, you can feel superior that you're in a better situation then they are. It's one of the lousiest things I've ever read on any forum, anywhere, and It definitely irks me.